Recovered Alcoholic

The Sobriety Circle & Triangle Symbol equilateral triangle represents the 3 part solution- Unity, Recovery and Service - to a 3 part disease - Physical, Mental and Spiritual, while the circle represents wholeness or oneness. The body should be triangular, stable, the mind circular, open. The triangle represents the means for generation of good energy, and is the most stable physical posture. The circle symbolizes serenity and perfection, and the source of unlimited potential. Together they represent the perfect union of mind and body. We adopted the concept and symbol for AA: "The circle stands for the whole world of A.A., and the triangle stands for A.A.'s Three Legacies of Recovery, Unity, and Service. Within our wonderful new world, we have found freedom from our fatal obsession. That we have chosen this particular symbol is perhaps no accident. The priests and seers of antiquity regarded the circle enclosing the triangle as a means of warding off spirits of evil, and ...

R ecovered alcoholic here, and truly grateful for all my blessings. One of them is getting to be a part of such a special program to get reprogrammed back into what God intended for me to be. Drinking is but a symptom, in AA we do not treat symptoms-we treat the core-continuously. That involves living a life that requires rigorous honesty, courage and strength. It's not for everybody-even though it is, if they want what we have and are willing to go to any lengths to get it. No one was going to do this for me. You can advise me, encourage and comfort me-but nobody was going to fix, entertain or enable my antics. "You want it, cool, you don't there's the door-or sit there and listen."  I think the biggest AH HA moment was just that nobody was begging me to stay-or kicking me out. So it was completely out of the wheelhouse of my normal living life based upon those two extremes. Rebel, run, repeat. God's way is less dramatic depen...

 Because of this process I have become interested in things that I NEVER would have before-not only interest, but consistency and follow through. When a being is in fight or flight from essentially birth, we can't just do the things we wish we could. Waiting for the next shoe to drop as a child was how I survived because I didn't have any choice.  As an adult, I still didn't have a choice because of my active alcoholism which rendered me powerless over alcohol- which made my life fundamentally unmanageable. That is the core issue for the alcoholic. I couldn't just "pull up my boot straps" as much as I wanted to-I could not.  I instead would find ways to gaslight or self sabotage so I could have a "do over" if that makes sense. For me "rising from the ashes" every few years was a hell of a lot more exciting than what it would take to actually mature and grow. Once the substance has been removed and the obsession to consume it, this is in my ...

O ur program teaches us on a daily basis per our 10th and 11th Step drawing from the page in the BB on Step 4 which of course shouldn't just be done once. It's every time I experience an area in my life where I am not seeking God but seeking self or others....that's when "fear" is welcomed in.  Again, any area of my life where I seek anything but God is me putting out the welcome mat for fear. If I am in reliance of what spiritually and mentally sick people do, or don't do, say,or don't say, think, or don't think-yes, I am in a great amount of fear -like when I was a child in school that I wouldn't be accepted or in fear my mom would die or go to jail or we would be taken away. Then depending upon my willingness to get well, I can stay and marinate in fear-or take action toward getting to the root cause as to why I am in so called "fear". More often than not, as an adult, I am in fear of outcomes not conforming to my plans and designs for...

The beer with pizza rationalization makes me think about the story in the BB on page 36: "Suddenly the thought crossed my mind that if I were to put an ounce of whiskey in my milk it couldn't hurt me on a full stomach. I ordered a whiskey and poured it into the milk. I vaguely sensed I was not being any too smart, but felt reassured as I was taking the whiskey on a full stomach. The experiment went so well that I ordered another whiskey and poured it into more milk. That didn't seem to bother me so I tried another." "Thus started one more journey to the asylum for Jim. Here was the threat of commitment, the loss of family and position, to say nothing of that intense mental and physical suffering which drinking always caused him. He had much knowledge about himself as an alcoholic. Yet all reasons for not drinking were easily pushed aside in favor of the foolish idea that he could take whiskey if only he mixed it with milk! Whatever the precise definition of the ...

When I got here it was the honesty that sold me. All my life I just wanted the truth-until I didn't because I had become part of the overall facade. If you pretend I'm ok, I'll pretend you're ok... The truth was-none of it was ok. I got here and people were telling the truth of what this dis-ease truly does. It TAKES. They were not celebrating the defects like they were good, or taking pride in things that did serious damage to themselves and others; nor were they beating themselves up to pulp for having done them...instead it was different, something I had never seen before-accountability and reconciliation.  The 12 Steps, when worked, and continued to be worked-brings all of these matters into neutrality. When I continue to seek God, grow from mistakes,  carrying the message and work with others, the circuit get complete.  Those things I "did" are brought back into the still point and it is finished and no longer who I be.  I do not identify...

The prayer says quite plainly: “ My Creator , Whatever I think Created me-if I don't have faith in a HP just yet, I learned to divorce myself of the concept of my parents being my Creator as to separate them from my concept of HP- especially  if our parents abandoned us or abused you in some sort of way-or were just kinda not perfect. When we were babies, and as children, our parents-especially our mother, is our HP. They are literally keeping us alive. If the mom is damaged and hasn't transmuted faith or provided stability, then I may keep interweaving these roles together and unknowingly be blocking God out. In other words...The creator of the eyeball, a tree, the human liver, ect...wasn't my mom and dad. They had sex and did the best they could but are no longer my HP and in control of whether or not I live or die... I am now willing that you should have all of me, good and bad.  Willing:  ready, eager, or prepared to do something. If I am...

Thank you Teresa!! Hilarie, recovered and grateful alcoholic.  I didn't have a massive and sudden God Consciousness after my first Step 5 either; however, it did soften the heart which is the beginning, and was enough to keep me seeking more removal of self.  Maybe when the book was written they didn't have as much toxic load we carry these days...it was gonna take a couple of 5th Steps along with my daily inventory and willingness. All I know is that when you start to get free, you want to be more free...at least that was the case for me. I suddenly have a desire to "be clean".  I started looking at detox and practiced better personal hygiene-I mean I was clean outwardly, when people were around-but when I was alone I didn't care about brushing my teeth and washing my hands as much as I did when people were watching. I started to see myself as something to be valued, protected and cared for (even though that wasn't a conscious thought-it was my H...

  From The Family Afterward... The head of the house ought to remember that he is mainly to blame for what befell his home. He can scarcely square the account in his lifetime. But he must see the danger of  over-concentration on financial success . Although financial recovery is on the way for many of us, we found we could not place money first.  For us, material well-being always followed spiritual progress; it never preceded. pg127 ******************************************************* It's unfortunate that so many alcoholics forget or don't know what can actually be gained and experienced when we put our spiritual progress before everything. The real alcoholic is an alcoholic because of the disconnect from Spirit. Always searching externally to fill the emptiness.  When we find alcohol- the counterfeit, inverted, and temporary version of peace, wholeness, contentment and serenity we get in God; we go to any lengths to hold that and to keep tha...

Kinship Kin -a group of persons of common ancestry : clan Ship -a large seagoing vessel, especially : one propelled by power or sail.... I'm always searching for the metaphor in language regarding spiritual concepts that are manifested by putting divine truths together by spelling them into letters that form words that form concepts based upon where the being is spiritually, emotionally and physically. I feel like maybe there was a time when words were not necessary, and perhaps we communicated through telepathy or something else-maybe light, or just knowing.  Sometimes I think that navigating the world of words without knowing or having spiritual principles and without God, is where the concept of the Tower of Babel comes from-just a lot of harsh sharp icky noise from a LOT of people babbling. All this expression of self can certainly come to a loud and obnoxious crescendo-( talking about me here when I fall short) Step 5...