The beer with pizza rationalization makes me think about the story in the BB on page 36:
"Suddenly the thought crossed my mind that if I were to put an ounce of whiskey in my milk it couldn't hurt me on a full stomach. I ordered a whiskey and poured it into the milk. I vaguely sensed I was not being any too smart, but felt reassured as I was taking the whiskey on a full stomach. The experiment went so well that I ordered another whiskey and poured it into more milk. That didn't seem to bother me so I tried another."
"Thus started one more journey to the asylum for Jim. Here was the threat of commitment, the loss of family and position, to say nothing of that intense mental and physical suffering which drinking always caused him. He had much knowledge about himself as an alcoholic. Yet all reasons for not drinking were easily pushed aside in favor of the foolish idea that he could take whiskey if only he mixed it with milk!
Whatever the precise definition of the word may be, we call this plain insanity. How can such a lack of proportion, of the ability to think straight, be called anything else?"
Whatever the precise definition of the word may be, we call this plain insanity. How can such a lack of proportion, of the ability to think straight, be called anything else?"
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This is what I didn't "get". When I thought of the word insanity, I thought straight jacket and asylums...it's really just the lack of proportion-not being able to weigh it out or learn from the past; expecting different results when history scientifically proves otherwise-but doing it anyway.
"You may think this an extreme case. To us it is not far-fetched, for this kind of thinking has been characteristic of every single one of us. We have sometimes reflected more than Jim did upon the consequences. But there was always the curious mental phenomenon that parallel with our sound reasoning there inevitably ran some insanely trivial excuse for taking the first drink. Our sound reasoning failed to hold us in check. The insane idea won out. Next day we would ask ourselves, in all earnestness and sincerity, how it could have happened."
"You may think this an extreme case. To us it is not far-fetched, for this kind of thinking has been characteristic of every single one of us. We have sometimes reflected more than Jim did upon the consequences. But there was always the curious mental phenomenon that parallel with our sound reasoning there inevitably ran some insanely trivial excuse for taking the first drink. Our sound reasoning failed to hold us in check. The insane idea won out. Next day we would ask ourselves, in all earnestness and sincerity, how it could have happened."
Post this story they launch into the Jaywalker story, which touches on the thrill or kick part I get when I get away with something, rebel or beat the system in some way. Before I was recovered, even if someone left the house, I would "do something" I probably shouldn't do just to get the rush of getting away with something...in sobriety.
This I didn't know was part of my disease too because I honestly thought that just getting sober and making meetings were enough until I became consciously aware of the cross addictions and emotional sobriety part of it. I didn't even know it was possible to get addicted to excitement! Yes, even bad excitement is still addicting. When addicted to something, or someone, I can't make sound or rational decisions.
How is one made Whole? God. I just must get to the point of willingness to ask for God to restore me to sanity in all areas.
I have recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body which is contingent upon my DAILY connection to God that day. If aligned and attuned (like a radio station-which means how did I start the day-what "station" did I make my HP) I am less likely to act out if I am doing the things that keep me on that frequency.
The more I tune in and try to stay on that station-again, doing the things that keep me in that range, eventually the defect or compulsion is removed entirely. There is not one part of me that "needs" to get high from getting aways with something when someone leaves the house...but I had to see it, admit it to myself (which was embarrassing) and keep on the right station for it to ultimately be removed.
Just like with alcoholism, the problem will be removed-but, that doesn't mean I can EVER safely drink alcohol or have to do anything. Knowledge of what ails me is only treating 1 part of the threefold illness...the body must do the foot work and the spirit must grow to enfold all three-Mind, Body and Spirit can be made Whole.
When you are walking in wholeness you are less likely to listen to the insanity of whiskey in milk discussion or jumping in front of a car to jack up your cortisol levels for kicks....even though it will continue to try and deceive you. But, because you lean more toward the God self, you are not gonna listen. You laugh at it and say:
"Thanks for the suggestion...God, how would you have me see this"
The consistantancy in which I practice this will ultimately be the deciding factor as to how long I suffer because of the symptoms. Drinking is a symptom, stealing thrills and excitement is a symptom, misuse of anything is a symptom-even my body. It was very hard to coherently admit that I was way sicker than even just the alcohol part-but, the more transparent I am with God, the easier it gets.
"Here I am in all of my weirdness... take my ego, take my defects...I don't want to be this way anymore!!
More God-Less Self