Recovered Alcoholic

When I first got serious about my recovery, I immersed myself in original A.A. literature. I dove into the Big Book, studied Back to Basics, became diligent with my inventory, reworked the Steps with a sponsor, and began sponsoring others. I also found a physical home group and took on a service commitment. I made a point to listen to speakers who were truly applying these principles in all their affairs; I learned that you cannot BS a BSer. I developed a sharp radar for dishonesty. When people or sponsees would lie to me—even when there was no reason to do so—I’d have an internal reaction of, "Eww, gross." I recognized it immediately because I myself was a liar. Having that behavior mirrored back to me from my new state of consciousness was a game-changer. I made up my mind then and there that I wouldn't lie anymore. That was easier said than done, of course. Fortunately, we have our inventory, our willingness to go to any lengths, our tools, and, most importantly, God. ...

This is a baseline that I didn't have before. I would get up to an alarm and off to the races. If I was off that day, and woke up naturally, I was probably still in a state of fear about what I needed to do that day to ensure my needs were met or give the impression that I somehow knew what the hell I was doing. As an alanon too, my thoughts naturally went to what did I need you to do to ensure my needs were met that would make me ok. So before I would even get out of bed my mind was racing, shemming, manipulating, rehearsing conversations, explaining, convincing, debating, lying, ect. At some point you just start to believe that those thoughts are your thoughts and you become interwoven with them. Then when I act upon them, my spiritual malady gets worse because none of that information aligns me to God which is my organic state-everything else is the ego that makes noise to keep it relevant and keep me spinning and sick-and making others sick too. On awakening let us think about ...

  Thank goodness for Tradition 10. “Alcoholics Anonymous has no opinion on outside issues; hence the AA name ought never be drawn into public controversy.” “No A.A. group or member should ever, in such a way as to implicate A.A., express any opinion on outside controversial issues — particularly those of politics, alcohol reform, or sectarian religion. The Alcoholics Anonymous groups oppose no one. Concerning such matters they can express no views whatsoever.” "The relationship of the tenth tradition to the tenth step is this: I can be at peace and avoid outside issues by taking my inventory and not yours. I avoid controversy by taking stands with the attitude of a peacemaker. The tenth concept of service takes the process one step further and specifies what kind of inventory I should be writing about: The responsibilities for which God has given me authority. The tenth step poses the question, “ How can I survive successfully in the world by taking my own inventory and promptly ...

  "Outsiders are sometimes shocked when we burst into merriment over a seemingly tragic experience out of the past. But why shouldn't we laugh? We have recovered, and have been given the power to help others. "Alcoholics Anonymous, The Family Afterward, p. 132 Things that people stuff away or pretend didn't happen we can look at and laugh about because it doesn't own us. That doesn't mean I've normalized the tragic experiences, events or behavior, it means that I am not a victim of it or using it to define me. When "It" doesn't define me it's put it in a state of neutrality because I've owned it and accounted for it thoroughly through the Steps.  Through the daily reprieve of 10, 11 and 12; this allows me to expand me spiritual resonance to gain a deeper understanding behind the things that once drove me. When I can use that experience in service to relate, instead of succumbing to it, the energy of it changes from negative to positiv...

I initially did this Step alone/without guidance or direction from a sponsor. I did not read into it beyond the words of the step itself or understand the magnitude of the spiritual principle behind attempting to amend harms sowed into the fixed matrix of my, and that other person's reality. Not to mention, my intentions were entirely self seeking. I just wanted this done so that I could get on with my life.  I went about it like I would have from the perception of saying "sorry" so that I could then enjoy the temporary relief of hearing them say "it's ok". This Step, and all Steps are a practice in honesty and humility and should be honored as such. I don't get to use people or circumstances for quick fixes anyone-so doing drive-by apology sprees with no actual intention to attempt to right the wrong is unacceptable. Thankfully I was teachable by being tossed around a bit more by the dis-ease that I was able to hit another well deserved bottom "in ...

  Let's remember that alcoholics are not the only ones bedeviled by sick emotions. Moreover, it is usually a fact that our behavior when drinking has aggravated the defects of others. We've repeatedly strained the patience of our best friends to a snapping point, and have brought out the very worst in those who didn't think much of us to begin with. In many instances we are really dealing with fellow sufferers, people whose woes we have increased. If we are now about to ask forgiveness for ourselves, why shouldn't we start out by forgiving them, one and all? - The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions pg 78 How awesome that they addressed this in the 12x12 and the Big Book!?!  (aka the  book Alcoholics Anonymous, our foundational text) This was our course: We realized that the people who wronged us were perhaps spiritually sick.  Though we did not like their symptoms and the way these disturbed us, they, like ourselves, were sick too. We asked God to help us show them ...