Recovered Alcoholic

12 years ago yesterday I started on a path and had no idea where that would lead-all I knew was that I couldn't continue to do what I was doing and for the first time in my life, I didn't want to die. I was a somewhat functioning alcoholic-meaning I was still employable; and for a long time was able to conceal the daily horror of having to repeat something that wasn't good for me only to give me superficial and temporary relief from my mind's constant chatter. I'm sure that has a label now, but back then I was just considered annoying, bothersome and ungrateful. I never felt comfortable in my skin-everyday felt like the first day of school, nervous, twisted guts, frustrated, and kind of angry that everyone else "knew" how to do life, and were generally ok with everything and everyone-so and I had to fake it or mimic them. I was a false representation of myself; I had no idea who I was and hated myself for the start. I seemed to have a predisposition to be ...

  Forgiveness is not saying what they did was right, logical, kind, good, bad or indifferent-I am practicing forgiving  (forgive them God for they not know what they do-bless them change me ) them so that I may have peace and not let what they did define me or take from me anymore.  BUT-I do not have to engage with them-in fact, unless they are actively seeking God and some self introspection/inventory, and have come to me to offer amends, I want little to nothing to do with them-and that's my authority and right in God  and  my responsibility to practice real discernment. I never thought that I deserved amends or that I could make a choice about who I allowed in my life...I considered myself as a dumpster...I accepted and allowed all the trash because I saw myself as trash. I no longer see myself as trash.  Everyone has the right to exist, and I honor their right to exist, but that doesn't mean I'm gonna hang out with people who have no self...

Intention as currently defined: noun 1. a thing intended; an aim or plan. "she was full of good intentions" So I woke up today with all sorts of intentions. I have a to do list that I just wrote out: House refresh Put shelves together Put miter saw table together Put cart together Mow Yard Send Checks Go to Store I wrote the list well after I set the foundation during morning prayer to align to God and serve others, and asked for all my defects to be removed so that I could be made an instrument for good- Thy will not mine be done.  So that sets the tone for how I  intend  to handle myself while doing these tasks, also, I have to be willing to set all my plans and designs aside if God calls me to not to do those things, and to not throw a fit if those things do not get done.  How am I fitting myself to be of service to God and others if I do not even leave the house?? I see everything as a opportunity to grow; to learn to be mindful and present-to overcome ...

There are a few reasons I personally announce myself as recovered...me, not AA as a whole...So I am just speaking about me and my current perception. 1. If I say that I am anything but recovered I would be lying and that is bearing false witness of the program-and it is also falsely humble. I won't minimize the power of God and what this program can do when it's worked, it will remove the desire to drink, hence, "recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body". Prior to the program I could not stay sober and that brought me to a state of hopelessness, a life doomed to drink-now I'm not-simple as that! It is my personal witness and testimony of the truth of the program when I say I am recovered to offer hope. 2. Re-cover in spiritual terms means that you have been located and are covered, you are now under protection and living divine right order in Christ, when truly living and abiding in the Spiritual Principles of the program and are truly expandin...

Willingly; readily- of one's own free will. Self-will; refers to the determination to act according to one's own desires and inclinations, often in opposition to divine guidance or authority.  The BB teaches us: It is easy to let up on the spiritual program of action and rest on our laurels. We are headed for trouble if we do, for alcohol is a subtle foe. We are not cured of alcoholism. What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance  of our spiritual condition . Every day is a day when  we must carry the vision of God's will into all of our activities. "How can I best serve Thee - Thy will (not mine) be done. " These are thoughts which must go with us constantly. We can exercise our will power along this line all we wish.  It is the proper use of the will. pg 85 I can easily get myself entangled in all sorts of shenanigans depending upon my spiritual condition that day employing the proper use of self will. This is why ...

  Hope "per the robot" says:  Hope is not a mere wish or optimistic feeling, but a confident, unwavering expectation of future good based on the faithfulness and promises of God. It acts as a secure "anchor for the soul," that is rooted in God . I like this interpretation of Hope. Prior to sobriety (and still sometimes when I'm temporarily off the beam), all my hope went into whatever I was anchored into in that particular time and space. So this includes, but not limited to; jobs, relationships, money, the outcome of other people's choices in life, how people are receiving me or what they think of me, who's in "office" ect. So let me rephrase the bots definition of hope with one of the many exterior things I would place my hope in.... Hope is not a mere wish or optimistic feeling, but a confident, unwavering expectation of future good based on the faithfulness and promises of what people think of me. It acts as a secure "anchor for the so...