January 20, 2026
“Regardless of worldly success or failure, regardless of pain or joy, regardless of sickness or health or even of death itself, a new life of endless possibilities can be lived if we are willing to continue our awakening, through the practice of AA’s Twelve Steps.”
AA Co-Founder, Bill W., December 1957, “The Greatest Gift of All”, The Language of the Heart
I remember sitting in my home group listening to one of the men speak at my home group. I was astonished when he revealed that his son had been shot and killed by a local gang member by cross fire. In other words, his son was in the wrong place at the wrong time. This man had expressed how grateful he was that he was sober, and that he was able to meet with the young man who killed his son in prison. At that time, he was regularly visiting him.
In that same group, one of the members, my sponsor's husband's sponsee, actually killed someone in a drunk driving incident but went on to fully recover from alcoholism. He sponsored many men and became a business owner. He did have to of course "go through it"- he did his prison sentence and made amends to the family and used that experience not to wallow or self-destruct, but to empower those who are genuinely remorseful for their actions and behavior and actively seek to change their life through the 12 Steps.
My first sponsor, she took my call just as she learned her husband had cheated on her. I was newly sober and extremely, I mean painfully, selfish!! I was only really concerned as to how this was gonna affect me. I honestly didn't care all that much as to how she felt because I was going through my latest Brian drama, but was able to fake it and act like I did. I asked "do you want to drink or use??" she said, no, but she did want to smoke, but didn't.
She then expressed her sorrow for the women involved and her husband because they didn't have the support of a fellowship thats she has and the tools, like helping me when everyone else in the world would use what was happening as an opportunity to practice tons of "self love"-she actually practiced real self love by being of service to me by picking up the phone. Her words were not contrived-nor was she virtue signaling when she shared her remorse for what they must be going through, trust me I would have known.That made a lasting impression that carried me to my next stage of development.
My sponsor after that, she was married to a Hollywood actor in the 60's and 70's and their daughter drowned in their pool while in her care and yes, she was drunk. She went on to fully recover and sponsor many women and remarry the man who sponsored the guy I mentioned above who killed someone.
I myself have gone through hell and back while sober and while actively participating in our program. At first I couldn't understand how I was experiencing some semblance of peace and joy while simultaneously going through the things that normally would have driven me not just to drink but to cheat or act out. I instead was just putting one foot in front of the other and doing the next right thing using all the tools that were available to me at the time.
By example, I learned early on that being available for someone who seemly has it worse, real or imagined, will immediately take me out of me and the magnitude of my problems, real or imagined, and then recalibrate me to better know how to process and handle what I am going through which automatically changes my perspective about whatever it is and restores me to sanity. Even if the sanity is short lived, the more I practice and participate in my recovery, the more sanity I get in return.
These stories are real. I am not by any means saying that any of the players, including myself, are perfect. No one should idolize or revere people, only the power of God and the transformation process -but, we are inspired by those who are willing to go to any lengths to recover. If I didn't hear about people recovering, or see first hand, how would I know it was possible??
I have heard of people who were smiling on their deathbed, sober and fully present for the entire transitional process into the next station of identity without fear. I have heard about people going through painful diseases while still sponsoring others and keeping thier dignity.
Dr. Silkworth referred to the early AA's by saying: "The unselfishness of these men as we have come to know them, the entire absence of profit motive, and their community spirit, is indeed inspiring to one who has labored long and wearily in this alcoholic field. They believe in themselves, and still more in the Power which pulls chronic alcoholics back from the gates of death."
He goes on to say:
"If any feel that as psychiatrists directing a hospital for alcoholics we appear somewhat sentimental, let them stand with us a while on the firing line, see the tragedies, the despairing wives, the little children; let the solving of these problems become a part of their daily work, and even of their sleeping moments, and the most cynical will not wonder that we have accepted and encouraged this movement. We feel, after many years of experience, that we have found nothing which has contributed more to the rehabilitation of these men than the altruistic movement now growing up among them."
He is humbling himself and his entire field saying that they had NO idea what to do with us and the only real results he was seeing was a drunk working with another drunk?!? That's a huge endorsement and a huge call. I resolve in the new year to get back to the unselfish nature of this program asking God to magnify what that should look like for me and I challenge our fellowship to do the same.