Thank you Teresa!! Hilarie, recovered and grateful alcoholic.
I didn't have a massive and sudden God Consciousness after my first Step 5 either; however, it did soften the heart which is the beginning, and was enough to keep me seeking more removal of self.
Maybe when the book was written they didn't have as much toxic load we carry these days...it was gonna take a couple of 5th Steps along with my daily inventory and willingness. All I know is that when you start to get free, you want to be more free...at least that was the case for me. I suddenly have a desire to "be clean".
I started looking at detox and practiced better personal hygiene-I mean I was clean outwardly, when people were around-but when I was alone I didn't care about brushing my teeth and washing my hands as much as I did when people were watching.
I started to see myself as something to be valued, protected and cared for (even though that wasn't a conscious thought-it was my HP)....I didn't have to continue to be a dumpster, or receiver for every toxic chemical, word, thought, movie, behavior, company, etc...
I NEVER CARED about my body, internal organs, what was in what...who cares...I'll consume anything-especially if it's harmful! LOL!! I was a massive sugar addict when I got sober-obviously I was replacing the sugar that the alcohol produced with actual sugar. My nightly ritual was vanilla ice cream, chocolate sauce and whipped cream.
One night as I was preparing my nightly concoction and I very plainly heard "Leave off the chocolate and whipped cream" So I did...AND, WOW, the chemical taste off the charts. I guess the toppings were hiding the taste. As a matter of fact, that might have been the first time I actually started to listen to the inner voice and do it as opposed to the other voice that was having me run on high emotion and instant gratification.
So the new voice of ration and logic could enter in the head because I was leaning more toward the solution than the disease of the thinking mind. The scales are tipped, so I'm less likely to seek to accumulate more baggage when I start to taste freedom "feel the closeness of my creator". I then started to read labels and be mindful of what was going in and on around me.
I didn't "quit" Ice Cream...I changed brands! LOL! I found a brand that had less chemicals, which was better than nothing because it started the wheels turning. I now have the super power of detecting chemicals in water and food, which is not conveiventant, but better for me in the long run.
None of this walk is convenient or easy-but it's good. It works. It's sustainable. It's peaceful. It's stable. It's serenity. And you can't get that unless you feel connected to your creator or unless you are buzzed -if you are a real alcoholic. I've learned to ground and take ownership of my body, the vehicle/ship that I was given to explore this place in, and take care of it. Imagine treating your car the way some of us have treated our bodies?!?
I actually love my body now, which is so weird if you knew me before, I am appreciative and beyond grateful for all the systems, organs, cells...it's just a really amazing design that on my best day, I couldn't have designed-which hammers it home that even though I am not the Creator of it, I don't have the right to destroy or defile it-I mean I guess I do, but I don't want to have the consequences of that anymore for instant gratification in any form. !
Step 5 wasn't easy or convenient -but it started me on the path toward the real God Consciousness where I can ask anything and I will be lead to the answer-But, I had first trust that this women sitting across the table at the park wasn't gonna rip me to shreds for what I had done. Of course she didn't, but she did make some suggestions about alternate ways to handle stuff that she used that didn't that didn't put her in a position to be hurt or hurt others.
I started to value others as well...which also opens the heart to God. Why would God want to hang with me if I didn't value his kids, my life, my body or trust anyone??? If I only used and trusted alcohol, money and or use people-then I think that yeah, God's like-"see ya! I'm waiting for you, but not until you make some changes...Love you!"
We need to remember also how very important this Step is..."it's a life or death errand" so the listener needs to remember that. The sponsor in the purest role is the bridge to God-not God. She helped me to open my heart to receive feedback, suggestions and solutions which in turn kept me from creating as much harm, which over time, made it so I had less baggage that ultimately would have kept me blocked off from hearing and feeling connected to the Source, the Big Guy, The MAIN Man or Women...or just HP.
We are truly the most blessed people ever to have this program!!