Recovered Alcoholic

  I have been doing some deep meditation and diving into the word acceptance and how it came to be a part of the fellowship-not program. Just because it appears in one story from a fellow member from one edition, doesn't mean it's the program. The program is located in the first part of the book in all editions. The stories in the back are for identification purposes. So for example, if they had chosen me to write my experience with AA in the latest revision and a generation later people were quoting from my story as the program, rather than just my experience, that would be unfortunate. Back to the word acceptance that we have countless meetings about. It always bothered me because everything is kind of just thrown under the acceptance label.  The fact is that acceptance means approval. Mind you, I am coming from a place of doing a deep dive on the entire origin of the American English language factoring in the legal and the spiritual ramifications and how words are in fact e...

I just wanted to share about what Judy's presence here in our fellowship and what one random act of kindness can open up in someone without them even knowing it. I like many of us who have recovered are still a little shell shocked by life. When I hear people say they have PTSD, I say "who doesn't??" This place is rough-full of betrayals, hurt and confused feelings, anger, frustration and just an overall sense of madness sometimes. This results in people closing their hearts off to even normal healthy common decencies-even saying "Thank you" is hard for some people in the fellowship at this time. I know I have been on guard, guarding what, I'm not really sure, but I was in a state of statis a few years ago regarding people in general. I wanted NOTHING to do with them beyond what we do here and what I had to do out there.  In response to one of my shares, this woman, Judy ( peace be upon her soul and her family) asked me for my mailing address, God only k...

  When I was lonely I used to look for ways to get "filled"-filling the void by using people, tv, food, attention, work, promotion, sex, anything really. Alcohol was the means for which I medicated/numbed myself to either do the things I thought I needed to get "filled" with, or to suppress the guilt and shame I felt by doing them. Anxiety that I would have to continue to do it-not knowing if this time I would actually get fired, broken up with, or even kill someone-I knew I would still have to drink. No one wants to be a vampire or predator that has to consume some-one or some-thing in order to get relief from a spiritual malady from a mind that convinces you that you need to do this even if it's causing great harm. That's insane. So when I worked my program and recovered from the hopeless state of mind and body and my alcoholic torment was removed by God and I was essentially restored to sanity because I no longer sought to consume alcohol because my slate...