I just wanted to share about what Judy's presence here in our fellowship and what one random act of kindness can open up in someone without them even knowing it.
I like many of us who have recovered are still a little shell shocked by life. When I hear people say they have PTSD, I say "who doesn't??" This place is rough-full of betrayals, hurt and confused feelings, anger, frustration and just an overall sense of madness sometimes. This results in people closing their hearts off to even normal healthy common decencies-even saying "Thank you" is hard for some people in the fellowship at this time. I know I have been on guard, guarding what, I'm not really sure, but I was in a state of statis a few years ago regarding people in general. I wanted NOTHING to do with them beyond what we do here and what I had to do out there.
In response to one of my shares, this woman, Judy (peace be upon her soul and her family) asked me for my mailing address, God only knows what I shared...LOL! My first response was suspicion, but I quickly recalibrated back to discernment and trust knowing I wasn't in harm, I gave it to her. About a week later I received a lovely handmade card with some cut outs with fun little sayings on them. Nothing profound or awe inspiring, it was the gesture of taking the time to make the card, cut out the sayings, write out the envelope, put a stamp on it and walk it to the mailbox that impressed me. The effort involved spoke volumes to my soul. We then started to exchange cards. I was not only inspired by the gesture, but it was the gentle nudge that I needed to break out of my "anti" everything and everyone funk-and start making cards and having a creative outlet.
The ripples from that random act are huge. Although I am not an avid card marker, the paper craft world was open to me and WOW...what a fun world that has been! I started reaching out to people here in our fellowship to exchange addresses and send cards during the holidays. I have been inspired to make my own stationery sets, gratitude journals and other creations that I have been able to send to sponsees and family. I have a great relationship with the ladies at the post office who prior to this I didn't like at all because we had some confusion over our PO BOX when we first moved here, so that was set straight. I even make them cookies and stuff during the holidays.
I staterred doing craft fairs and gift baskets which opened my heart to people in the community overall. By walking through whatever I was "guarding" myself from...which in retrospect was partly the residual effects from past programs/scripts/resentments that were no longer compatible with who I am now-I just needed to get everything caught up- I now LOVE this weird little town I live in! I have never lived anywhere or really rooted. We intend on rooting here, God willing, for the duration and stand our ground as long as God has us here, so I might as well broadcast kindness. I found out if I am sending out suspicion, judgment, anger, past hurt and frustration, that is exactly what will be returned-so Judy helped me to tune into a new channel.
Those ladies at the post office were receiving the past broadcasts of being new picked on in school by the mean girls, they shouldn't have to pay the price for something that happen when I was a small child, nor should the people of the community have to contend with the energy that comes along with an uncleared and unexamined past. We carry that stuff until we make a conscious decision not to. I can deep dive that all day, or I can be the reason someone smiles today instead-just as Judy was for me.
Rest in peace Dear Friend and Thank You for your sobriety and your random acts of kindness that have brought, and will continue to bring, smiles to many.