Let's remember that alcoholics are not the only ones bedeviled by sick emotions. Moreover, it is usually a fact that our behavior when drinking has aggravated the defects of others. We've repeatedly strained the patience of our best friends to a snapping point, and have brought out the very worst in those who didn't think much of us to begin with. In many instances we are really dealing with fellow sufferers, people whose woes we have increased. If we are now about to ask forgiveness for ourselves, why shouldn't we start out by forgiving them, one and all? - The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions pg 78
How awesome that they addressed this in the 12x12 and the Big Book!?! (aka the book Alcoholics Anonymous, our foundational text)
This was our course: We realized that the people who wronged us were perhaps spiritually sick.
Though we did not like their symptoms and the way these disturbed us, they, like ourselves, were sick too. We asked God to help us show them the same tolerance, pity, and patience that we would cheerfully grant a sick friend. When a person offended we said to ourselves, "This is a sick man. How can I be helpful to him? God save me from being angry. Thy will be done."- BB pg 66-67
Before everyone gets too excited to pass the buck, let me remind us that we choose to have these spiritually sick people in our life, or if the are family, we choose to spend time with them and then try to control them which may just make you a double hitter (al anon and alcoholic-congrats) so, yeah, no excuses!
I think at some point during my alcoholic career I just assumed it was all my fault and took on everything, maybe before-even what didn't necessarily belong to me or have much to do with me...sometimes I even took on what had absolutely nothing to do with me. I was to learn that part of my spiritual sickness is that everything revolves around me! The ego doesn't always inflate due to high confidence or high self regard; more often than not it's within the victim narrative of "woe is me". When I was able to fully comprehend that through working the Steps, I was given the opportunity to break free from the powerlessness of ego identity to whatever was trying to captivate me or lure me into an identity trap throughout my sobriety journey.
I learned that real self esteem comes from inside and doesn't require an identity. I don't want or need my self worth measured by the spiritually sick and could care less what category they want to box me into. At this point I think everyone is spiritually sick to some degree and that honesty is not a judgment nor self righteousness-that's the funny part about God, as soon as I try to form a judgment I'm quickly reminded about how I did the exact same thing and that it's not my job to save or condemn anyone, my job is the self determine and discern who and what I surround myself with. Before I was like anything goes with no regard for myself, now I do respectfully regard myself.
AI overview of Spiritual Malady/Spiritually sick:
A spiritual malady is a deep inner emptiness, restlessness, and sense of disconnection from life, oneself, and others. Famous in twelve-step recovery programs like Alcoholics Anonymous, it is viewed as the root cause of addiction, driving people to use external things to fill a void.
Signs of Spiritual Malady: note: I input the italics part from our book
- Feeling restless, irritable, and unhappy most of the time (Restless irritable and discontent-The Doctor's Opinion in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous)
- Strong fear, worry, and self-pity (Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity pg 62BB)
- Anger and holding onto grudges
Resentment is the "number one" offender. It destroys more alcoholics than anything else. From it stem all forms of spiritual disease, for we have been not only mentally and physically ill, we have been spiritually sick. BBpg 64
If we were to live, we had to be free from anger. The grouch and the brainstorm were not for us. They may be the dubious luxury of the normal men, but for alcoholics these things are poison. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 66
- Acting with deep selfishness or wanting to control everything
So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making. They arise out of ourselves, and the alcoholic is an extreme example of self-will run riot, though he usually doesn't think so. Above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness. We must, or it kills us! God makes that possible. pg 64
- Feeling like you do not belong or fit in with others
I can't think of a passage in our book, but this was true for me, but now I'm glad. It's what I did to "fit" that almost killed me and separated me from my soul...no thanks. I like not fitting!
Long and short, we here right now have at our feet tools to not only recover from a hopeless state of mind and body, but live a life that surpasses all egoic and 3-D limitations. If I tried to explain to the spiritually sick me13 years ago, what her life consists of, not only would she think I was crazy, but she didn't even have the capacity to dream that big because of the governor placed over her by the ego limitations and spiritual disease. In my mind back then, a successful life was measured by how I was perceived by others 24-7.
Coming from that world is a hellscape that I broke free from and not by going to the extreme opposite of grossly not giving a S**t, because I know that hell too, but instead, being placed in a position of neutrality and peace that passes all understanding. I do not have to compare or impress the spiritually sick, I don't have to assimilate or mimic the spiritually sick, and I don't have to hate or be angry with the spiritually sick. I just get to be me-the authentic version who resides in the jurisdiction of the One that is safe and free- and what "they" think about that is no longer my business. The alcohol was just the modality I used to relieve a myriad of symptoms of living inauthentically to fit into hell. In AA you have the opportunity to get free and find heaven...How free do you want to be??