Trust God-Clean House-Help Others
The minute we put our work on a service plane, the alcoholic commences to rely upon our assistance rather than upon God. He clamors for this or that, claiming he cannot master alcohol until his material needs are cared for. Nonsense. Some of us have taken very hard knocks to learn this truth: Job or no job—wife or no wife—we simply do not stop drinking so long as we place dependence upon other people ahead of dependence on God. Burn the idea into the consciousness of every man that he can get well regardless of anyone. The only condition is that he trust in God and clean house.
-Working With Others pg 98 of the BB
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When I was separated from alcohol for the last time, God willing, I had nothing left. My bottom was about as far as my HP would allow me to go --thank God, because I was pretty darn low! My "go to" people bailed on me after a drunken night of debauchery which ended with me humiliating myself, getting the cops called, and never getting to see my little dog again. Even that didn't sober me up; but it started the process.
Prior to God, I was always seeking people or the external to be the deciding factor for any action I took in the betterment of my being how I treated others or how I performed in my job- "I will do this when I get that or, they do this"-I will quit smoking when he proposes. I will stop cheating once I have a ring. I will implement this at work once they give me a raise...etc..
In the last relationship I was in before I got sober I switched to only drinking wine with him and hid the hard stuff in my bag. My plan was to get him to marry me and get me pregnant and THEN I would quit everything!!! I was running out of "time" so I needed this to go down quickly because I knew the "real" me was starting to creep in.
Sure enough I showed up and he bolted, and I don't blame him.
When everything ran out and everyone ran away, I was left with no car, no home, no dog, no career, no family, no mom, no husband/boyfriend; I was in actual survival mode but differently in that I was no longer fighting to keep up appearances, keep the job or keep the guy. I worked only to drink and drank only to die-I was 37 and saw NO way out-God had other plans.
I was dependent upon God even before I knew what that entailed in early sobriety. I was broken, beat up and almost killed by my own torment and self destruction. My ego was annihilated which rendered me teachable. I wasn't getting sober this time to keep anything or anyone. I was getting sober because I wanted to live and that was all that was needed.
All my hope was placed upon what you guys were saying was true and that I too could recover if I had the capacity to be honest- so when you asked me to trust God and clean house, my pride wasn't pushing back because I was at the end of myself and you were the last house on the block. My sponsor was a canary in the coal mine-she went in first and her being sober 10 years was all the proof I needed to take all her suggestions and consequently I recovered. I wasn't dependent upon her, I was grateful for her time and then moved on to a new sponsor so that I could grow. I reworked the Steps with three different sponsors to gain a new perspective and clear out more self that was blocking me off for all that God wanted to give me.
This walk is not designed to create more dependency upon external circumstances or people, it's designed to create healthy courageous beings who trust in their Creator and grow by being of service in a field that not many people live to tell about-and NOT get paid for it. Because I don't depend upon the outcome of that service to validate or feed my ego I get closer to God as a result. People then are put in their divine right place and not used as a means for me to use them as a resource to get what I think I need in order to survive or to meet my 7 basic instincts anymore. God knows what I need and you don't have to carry the burden of providing it-and I don't have to carry the burden of meeting your expectations that I couldn't meet even if I tried, so we are all free to be ourselves....imagine that!?!