Meeting Topic: "Our real purpose is to fit ourselves to be of maximum service to God and the people about us"
"Our real purpose is to fit ourselves to be of maximum service to God and the people about us"
I could have sworn it said "my real purpose is to get sober, get the guy, and live happily ever after"....thankfully I was wrong. Purpose is the fundamental reason for which something is done, created, or exists. So the purpose of the sobriety I was gifted wasn't about me at all. It was all for God. After I swallowed hard and grieved that life I thought I was owed for getting sober, even though I didn't get me sober, but I digress, I went to opposite extreme of happily ever after to "I guess I'm a nun now" as interpreted through my egoic 3-D linear thinking...shocking.
Thankfully I was wrong about that too....I'm wrong a lot! LOL! Which is fine, because I now get to actually learn the lessons that genuinely do fit me to be of max service to God and the people about me through the experience of that lesson learned. If I already know everything and am already perfect then what do I need God or the program for? What's the point of going through something if I'm not going to extend that experience to someone who may have thought that they were alone in doing that horrific thing while drinking or for making a huge mistake in sobriety? The difference between drinking days mistakes vs. sobriety mistakes, is that NOW I have the tools to process the situation and then humbly transmit it.
Before, I would just suppress it, lock it away, get flush and red if I accidently remembered or it was shown to me somehow and then somehow shove it back into whatever part of my body was holding it and keep going. I remember one of the first times I "allowed" one of those horrible memories through during the second rework of my Steps...I literally said, F-YOU, SHOW IT TO ME Muther F-er!!! IS THAT ALL YOU GOT?!? Like having a street battle with my ego! LOL!! But, once I allowed it and took ownership of it, I was free of its ability to torment and harass me. AND, I was able to release it from out of my body that was bonded to that event.
Latest "mistake" or opportunity to get closer to God which makes me a better agent...was inserting my awkward a** into a neighborhood cookout where the conversation was about soil to which I started talking about why it's called actually called "soil" and how because we no longer grow our own food and we have it massed farmed so the "soil" doesn't have nutrients because we don't use own waste product to compost the dirt to make it it to soil....blah, blah, blah
needless to say I just had a lot of nods and uh huhs. My husband was mortified. I FORGET that not everyone is in my head or into researching the stuff I do!! LOL!!! So I need to process that because I honestly do not want to stand out as the neighbor who thinks we should all compost our waste in a town of 1000 people-nor do I seek to humiliate my husband with my unfiltered mouth. So, I may need to practice some restraint of tongue along with some socialization skills. Also, I feel like I talk WAY too loud and I don't know why because honestly I do NOT want to draw attention to myself...so I guess I'm weird.