First of all, we had to quit playing God. It didn’t work. Next, we decided that hereafter in this drama of life, God was going to be our Director. He is the Principal; we are His agents. He is the Father, and we are His children. Most Good ideas are simple, and this concept was the keystone of the new and triumphant arch through which we passed to freedom.
Going from thinking life, the world and everyone was just having their way with me and everything thing was just series of random events that always seemed to harm me or make my life harder, to- OMG I had contrived the entire thing and the fall out was because my way was so grossly misaligned to the divine script that I NEEDED to be fired from the director of the movie stat!
What I create when not attuned to God is an artificial construct generated, or, driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity...everything was a manipulation to attempt to produce the outcome I wanted so that I could get what I thought I needed to survive.
Sometimes they hurt us, seemingly without provocation, but we invariably find that at some time in the past we have made decisions based on self which later placed us in a position to be hurt.
OUCH! So you mean it was my decisions, or lack thereof, that was setting the stage for pain and suffering because nothing good can come from a frightened alcoholic?!? No way!
So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making. They arise out of ourselves, and the alcoholic is an extreme example of self-will run riot, though he usually doesn't think so. Above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness.
Fearful people are inherently NOT selfless-they simply can't be. This helped me to forgive a lot of my past and some of the players from my past (mom) who was in a tremendous amount of fear and always making fear based decisions which put everyone in her care in a position to possibly be hurt or harmed. Of course she didn't consciously intend to, but that's the problem with fear based frighten people-there soul is not conscious so the ego runs around making decisions from a lowered based nature reactive state-not from a relaxed, calm, steady state that considers all the people involved, whether it is what aligns to the greater whole and examine all options. I then repeated this run and gun lifestyle and put myself, people and animals in my care in a position to be hurt or harmed because I was running the show and playing God for everyone. Sometimes we got hurt, sometimes not-when we did, I certainly couldn't at the time own any part as having to do with perhaps my decisions-It's much, much easier to externalize blame and responsibility-until it isn't.
We must, or it kills us! God makes that possible. And there often seems no way of entirely getting rid of self without His aid.
NO IDEA what that meant...at first I thought it meant running around doing things for people, tons service, volunteer, cleaning people's houses for free, sponsoring them whether they asked me to or not, taking on tremendous loads of nonsense under the guides of service to others-when all I was doing was being depleted by my own selfish self seeking motives again in efforts that "my works" would make everything and everyone right. If I fix you, I'm ok. If everything looks good, I'm ok. If I get you to maybe change this about yourself then I will be ok. If they see how hard I work and how much I love them, then I will be ok. If I prove to God that I am worthy, then I will be ok. So yeah...all me, me, me....
Many of us had moral and philosophical convictions galore, but we could not live up to them even though we would have liked to. Neither could we reduce our self-centeredness much by wishing or trying on our own power. We had to have God's help.
So that's why we use the biblical principle of "faith without works is dead"....or in this example "works without faith"...same principle. If I have to run around pleasing everyone or inserting myself into everything by incessantly have to prove myself to people who honestly do not care....sorry, they just don't, nor should anyone have to go above and beyond to ensure that my ego is stroked constantly...that's bondage. I don't want bonds, I want connections based upon a mutual love for the truth and how that expresses itself in the relationship.
Unequally yoked is NOT how we roll or how we should sponsor or have relationships in general. A mutual exchange with the same common purpose....no stars, heroes or idols here. My ego is primed and ready to hijack a good deed or a service position by making it all about me-so, I better have A LOT of FAITH in God that I am in fact doing this, even writing this, from a place of service rather than a self seeking motive. I check myself in everything these days because the longer you are sober, the easier it is to convince yourself that your motives are true and bypass asking God and doing the daily requirements that are ensuring growth in that area. If my motives are not pure, I have negative energetic backlash-not because of punishment, but because of how the structure is designed.
Plainly, if I am feeding my ego, my stomach will feel icky if not right away, then later. I might feel tired, confused, constricted, distorted and frustrated. If on the up and up, I feel good, energized, ready to have a good and productive day in the flow of the creation by leaving the outcome of the creation and said service to God with ZERO obsession how it's received. Some people might enjoy it, some won't-not my business. When I apply that to everything-WOW, how smoothly life gets!!
So nothing contrived but instead an organic response or action trusting that I did the best I could do for God, and not for you. If I am serving God then my service to you is authentic and beneficial. If it's service to ego, it's about what you think which means I have a fear, motive or attachment to the outcome or how it's received then it's automatically tainted and will have to recalibrate at some point...The sooner the better, which is WHY we do this daily.
If I can see it sooner than later, I can attempt to correct the misalignment using the principles before it goes too far off the rails....Or, I can keep on pretending that I did it for God and suffer the outcome of my stubbornness. Again, no one is punishing me...it's me who sets all things in motion-so I have a choice to not set myself up for unnecessary misalignment because I want it my way so I can enjoy the temporary instant gratification that comes with that decision or seek God. This whole program is about seeking God, so if I want good results I will seek to anchor God into my daily life and allow you the dignity to do the same!!