"It is easy to let up on the spiritual program of action and rest on our laurels. We are headed for trouble if we do, for alcohol is a subtle foe. We are not cured of alcoholism. What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition. Every day is a day when we must carry the vision of God's will into all of our activities. "How can I best serve Thee - Thy will (not mine) be done." These are thoughts which must go with us constantly. We can exercise our will power along this line all we wish. It is the proper use of the will."
This last month or so has been packed with movement, creative energy and some not so comfortable realizations that have thrown me out of my comfort zone in a couple of areas-which is a good thing in the big picture. None of the stuff that comes up now that I am sober, practicing the principles in my affairs, and led by God, has been too much for me to process and then progress from. I ALWAYS come out of the lesson better. It's when I would ignore the lesson and then create more problems for myself by avoiding having to humble myself to it, is when things snowball and life would become unmanageable.
So while I make mis-takes all the time, I rebound quickly because I am not coming back from an ego generated low buried in more self justified illusions because I get to do this daily. I get to consciously and proactively participate in my life as opposed to feeling like I am being bombarded by outside stuff and other people's stuff because I am actually learning from my mistakes now, instead of having to repeat them over and over. Don't get me wrong-some I do repeat because they are that interwoven into me, BUT, again, I am aware of this so I don't feel victimized by the it, or by the person who is mirroring the program back to me, which paradoxically empowers me when I admit I have defects and shortcomings. I have zero problem saying that I have defects. It's erogenous to think otherwise or have to tiptoe around it to spare our alcoholic egos when this entire program is about learning to override them, and the ego by perfectly practicing the principles instead.
I know the horror of how people do life without looking at their conduct each day and how much energy it takes to keep justifying and rationalizing things just to avoid the temporary uncomfortability of being wrong about something. To me, that's a hellish state...or the opposite extreme in thinking that I am wrong about everything and how much I suck, which is also self indulgent nonsense. I've been all of it at different stages through my walk which makes me well rounded because I have experience from both perspectives. I can only be of real service to God and to my fellows when I get honest with myself and use my daily experiences-good, bad, ugly and even boring, into a daily examination/inventory of what's not working and what is working, what can be improved upon, etc....especially since we have zero problem doing that with others!!
Inventory means I am acknowledging the facts and am willing to make changes- and not just sit around waiting for a huge upheaval or God to intervene. God is not going to do for me what I, especially now, can do for myself-that would make God an untreated Al-anon! God wants us upright, courageous, confident and strong in doing our diligence to better ourselves and allowing us the dignity to fail, just like any good parent-not looping a program that keeps me and everyone around me sick. I say this because I see that I have a great capacity to make people sick, or to make people well. It's so weird how so many of us are designed- But, I do not have the right to ignore this great fact just so that I don't have to feel pain or sadness about it. I have the responsibility and resources to address any and all afflictions, inherited, learned or otherwise so as to not keep infecting my loved ones, next generation or my community with my issues out of laziness or pride.
The tragedy is the avoidance of pain-that's where all the darkness, depression, despair and hopelessness is. If I didn't feel pain, how would I know I needed to change somthing? Imagine being that callus or that delusional? Those lows require a lot of energy to come back from, and the good news is that I never have to get that low ever again. It's not just about not drinking here-it's about consistent action and progressive growth as recovered alcoholics who, provided upon their spiritual condition can become great healers or great destroyers-even sober. I have a choice each day to get honest or lie to myself to spare my egos feelings. Today I chose transparency with God, myself and my fellows that I may be wrong, but I'm not lying-and that is how I roll these days because I know the road of lying to cover up being wrong, and that is the path that leads to a drink.
Please share how you are using God, inventory and being of service to others in your daily reprieve during the holidays, and or maybe share about how owning something you were wrong about ultimately freed you.
I wish you all a very Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!!