attractive or quaint
Baffling-impossible to understand; perplexing or
restrain or regulate
Powerful-having control and influence over people and events.
or having or producing great force or energy.
Remember that we deal with alcohol—cunning, baffling, powerful! Without help it is too much for us.
But there is One who has all power—that One is God.
May you find Him now! pg54
But there is One who has all power—that One is God.
May you find Him now! pg54
All aspects of this dis-ease is cunning and baffling. So I had a "thought" (all action begins with a thought) the other day to do something that I didn't bring God into and it of course snowballed and blew up in my face. So even though I know not to do that, I allowed my mind to convince me that "this time will be different" (insanity) just like I did when I was drinking. With the biggies like this I should have conferred with God first and allowed a couple of days-NOPE, I runned and gunned and now we may be out $4,000.00 because of my cute little "thought" LOL!!
Yesterday was brutal. I haven't gotten myself, or my family into a pickle in quite some time so this really had me on my knees. I wasn't asking for relief or for anything to go my way, or to be better...just praying for clarity about how I got the ball rolling, my real motives behind it, and expressing genuine remorse for all those who are affected and/or inconvenienced by my "thought".
Those are the things I couldn't do before. I could never see beyond myself or my immediate relief from what I created to begin with. From that state of surrender before I would rationalize and justify and then sometimes even blame others for what I had caused. This way of "doing life" through the lens "If only they would" "If only I had" can still happen when sober so it's very very important for the real alcoholic to bring God into all decisions because the effects of not doing this, in my experience, always produces a clown world, sitcom, I Love Lucy, convoluted result....I'm not even joking as to how ridiculous this got.
I just accepted what I did and apologized to my husband for getting this going and that softened him so he was able to see what his part of this was. We both had a much needed spiritual experience to bring us back to reality as to who, and what, we are. We saw that we did not do our due diligence to make sure we had all the data before we acted on a thought. Thoughts are easily hijacked by our dis-ease especially if I didn't clear it with God. My motives were to make it easier for him to do a project I wanted done even though we do not actually need it. It was a manipulation to get something I think I want and need.
When I trust God, and do not run and gun, I will always get what I want and need in divine right time and order. In retrospect I should have waited and just put the thought and feelers out there in the Universe. I KNOW that God would make a way if in our best interest and done within the confines of his jurisdiction and abiding in our principles..aka, no shortcuts. The good news is though, when I do get myself into a Lucy and Dezi nonsense dilema, I have our program to re-calibrate without having to break my brain, and separate from my soul to accommodate a lie which I would then have to keep up.
Keeping up the lies that I tell myself is deadly-not just because it can lead to a drink, but also it gets trapped in my body. I can get physically ill by doing whatever vice necessary to avoid seeing the truth. This will usually be over eating, smoking, working out too much, cleaning/working too much-maybe even too much tv, spending and sex. Anything done in excess to avoid truth will eventually sicken me and kill me way sooner than necessary-as well as having a low quality of life.
This program allows us to have a better quality of life sober, healthy and growing. I now get to neutralize this s*** show I created by sharing about it here in hopes that my mistake and response to it may help someone else. Done and DONE. If we get the money back wonderful-if not, just a very expensive lesson!! Either way, I will not drink or get stuck in a delusion, so that's a win. And next time, hopefully I can remember yesterday and not be hijacked by a thought!!!