"We are taught to differentiate between our wants (which are never satisfied) and our needs (which are always provided for). We cast off the burdens of the past and the anxieties of the future, as we begin to live in the present, one day at a time. We are granted “the serenity to accept the things we cannot change”—and thus lose our quickness to anger and our sensitivity to criticism."
My mom used to say "You are never satisfied! Why can you just be grateful and content! What is wrong with you!!!" LOL!! She was right, but neither one of us knew why. That she wasn't either, was the reason she could identify it in me- she herself was Restless, Irritable and Discontented. Uncomfortable, in my skin, empty feeling, always nervous, icky, frustrated, angry...just all sound unsatisfied and always looking for relief or to be filled or occupied by something. I was essentially an insatiable monster in the making.
I know those above symptoms can now be treated with a pill. That my dis-ease/uneasy feeling, dis-order/bad behavior, now has a medical label, but for me, I am grateful that I went undiagnosed/undefined by the system so that I could have my Spiritual Malady treated at the root cause. I had to hit bottom to be ok with receiving constructive criticism by women who experienced the same feelings of hopelessness, confusion, discontent, and demoralization that I had felt. I had to trust that their words and experience would benefit my overall growth and wellness; that they were only there to be of service; not fix, lie, or change me. They were not getting paid by AA to help me treat my disease. I would have to experience the discomfort of an ego death as opposed to the tempory bandaide of a drink, a pill, a new relationship, sex, ect...
The monster had to die so that a new woman could be born. That rebirth would have never come to pass had someone not come before me and had the courage to speak direct truth to the monster that my body played host to called alcoholism. The parasite would still be my master if my mom had taken me to a doctor and "medicated" me would have just prolonged my spiritual disease of perception.
No amount of temporary relief, conforming to the illogical, compromising my worth or principles for the instant relief, is worth my soul-even if I am completely encouraged, celebrated, and validated by the world and my peers for my bad behavior and socially engineered morality. The softer and easier way is not an option anymore for this alcoholic, no matter what I am battling. Seeking and asking to be filled by God is the only way I can successfully "handle" sobriety or anything. I trust that He will sustain me and get me through this life and what's to come.