Practical experience shows that nothing will so much insure immunity from drinking as intensive work with other alcoholics. It works when other activities fail. This is our twelfth suggestion: Carry this message to other alcoholics! You can help when no one else can. You can secure their confidence when others fail. Remember they are very ill.
Immunity from drinking is a bold statement but I, and many others can attest to the truth of it. When I was new to sobriety I wasn't finding many newcomers to work with in my face to face meetings to fulfill my 12th Step. My now husband and I were going through a major self imposed crisis in our new and extremely tremulous relationship. It was almost unbearable and may have taken me back to drinking for relief which would have led to our death. We would have killed each other if we were legit that crazy.
God led me to join this group to keep me well occupied with newcomers rolling in almost daily back then. I found myself getting real relief when I saw a welcome newcomer email. I could secure their confidence where no one else could based upon my experience. I could "help" someone instead of freaking out about what was gonna happen between Brian and I, even if it was for just an hour.
Remembering that they probably have it worse than me kept things in perspective. Yes I was going through this horrendous stupid crap with my man, but this newcomer is facing jail time. Or this newcomer is overcome with guilt and shame. Or this newcomer is full of despair and hopelessness. Or this newcomer is challenging me, pushing back on the program...what in her reminds me of me?
Once I told my cousin that "yeah, I'll do these meetings and have a sponsor, but I won't ever be one. I just want to get on with my life." LOL!!! God had other plans. Nothing but intense work with others and my connection to God insures my immunity to alcohol and allows me the opportunity to grow as all of them have mirrored some aspect of me that I needed to change.
I couldn't change that in me unless I saw it in someone I wasn't attached to, meaning I wasn't using the women I was working with to get my basic needs met. If I see my defects in friends or loved ones, it doesn't have the same impact as it does when you are working with a fellow alcoholic. With friends and loved ones I was at the time seeking to get some emotional or financial security from them. This causes anger, frustration and resentment because they aren't meeting my expectations or meeting my needs.
The sponsor/sponsee relationship is pure in most cases because it is motive free. The only motive we have is to carry a message based upon our experience. They either want it or they don't. I don't have to convince them of anything. I don't rely on them to feed my ego or basic needs. This form of purity has bleed into my relationships out here. If my basic instincts/needs are being met by my God and God alone, then I am not using my loved ones or the world to feed me-I can finally have pure relationships with them also.