Hi _______,
Yes, that was highly inappropriate. Not all of them are as easy as we were! lol!! The ego's of some (not all) of these women floors me at times-I would have never said that to my sponsor!!...When their ego's are this huge the are sometimes unteachable. That doesn't mean that they won't be someday, but right now they are just emotional vampires that are feeding off you. They are just like children....pushing buttons, testing, pushing the limits. They manipulate and make us second guess ourselves...this is because they are suppose to! This strengthens us, helps us to see what in us we need to perhaps work on. It takes one to know one which is why we can help when no one else can-most of the time.
I know that I made a huge mistake with a few of them by treating them more as friends then I should of. This gave them an in to think that they were my contemporary....that they could give me unsolicited advise and commentary. No, we aren't above them, but we are recovered, and they are not. If they can find a way to (again,some, not all) rattle you-they will. Some are cruel and have deep emotional and philological issues that I might not be ready to take on at whatever stage I am at in my own sobriety. Notice I didn't say time, I said stage.
Early on in my sobriety God loaded me up with women like this and I held strong, I think because my faith at the time, though not defined was very childlike. But last year I had two like this and I had to let go of both of them because of where I was spiritually. I was a new Christian and wasn't equipped to ward off the attacks so I couldn't be of service to them. That doesn't mean I was better than them, which is how they took it, as new Christians seem to get hit with that quit a bit. They thought that because I "found Jesus" that I was "holier than thou"....or as one put it, a Jesus Freak, and they didn't want to be that.
(Side note....notice how certain people recoil when you say the name Jesus Christ? If I had be speaking of buddha or some hindu god or a tree as god, they wouldn't have thought twice...but because I say Jesus Christ is God, I am a freak? When I encountered Christians or had fellowship with them in AA and admired many believers that I corresponded with...and they had as their email quote somthing from the bible-in no way was I repelled or put off by it. I am grateful for that because I think that means I was always His, I just didn't know yet ;)
Satan doesn't like the work that we do-he uses the weaker vessel to get into our heads and question our skills. I believe God allows this to strengthen us...just like any parent teaching their child somthing new. If you a learning to ride a bike and you fall, your parents don't say ok-quit...they make you get back on the bike and keep practicing...even though the fall hurt, they still keep making us get back up. Satan wants us to quit-God wants us stronger in our skills and gifts. We all have them...the just need to be uncovered.
I know this wasn't gonna cause you to quit-I just want you to understand how this works....how people are used to cause doubt. We can go either way with it. Every time I get too confident in my sponsorship ability, I get complacent. God gets my attention through stuff like this and the ego gets right sized again....Now-This doesn't mean I kiss these women asses, or play into it....it means I ask God to show me if there is anything about what they are saying is true. Am I not as attentive as I was? Am I becoming a little complacent with my sponsoring? If not-if she is just way off base then the lesson might me to develop thicker skin, don't think of them as friends until they are healthier, don't allow myself to be bullied, but don't fight back. Being ok with them thinking of you as the worst sponsor ever, and being ok that they will talk shit....
I swear they all have the same script! LOL! Seriously....Somewhere down the road someone said the same words to me! It's a passive aggressive attack from a childish drunk who's ego needs to be squashed.
If you continue with her, don't respond to her attacks. Spiritual warfare is not about us. We are just soldiers and shouldn't personalize it. She doesn't even know what she is being used to do. It's ramping up out there. I just did battle myself. We must always put on our full armor of God. Be bold and steadfast in truth. The more room they have to wiggle their way in-they will. Of course they are all different-You were a pleasure to work with....I never had to get firm or discipline you. Others I have. If they don't like it-they can find someone else. It's fine-I am not their savior. Jesus is. We are just guides.
They are coming from the worldly view, we are in the Spirit. They are entitled and spoiled and self sabotaging. They will find anyway to self destruct depending on how sick they are, and try to blame everyone but themselves. You, like most of us are highly intuitive, and you will get stronger in this area-she fooled me too!
So, yeah....I would simple say that you feel that it best that she finds someone that she can have more one on one time with if that what she needs. That you would rather her learn and grow with somebody she knows isn't "drinking" (lol) Don't defend yourself and don't personalize it-it's none of her business how many people you do or don't sponsor.
She is just trying to get in your head-again, she doesn't even know why-this is being feed to her head...not by God. To spend energy trying to explain this or debate her is taking your energy...she is a emotional vampire type. Need more, need attention, need this, need that. Never enough. Use and blame...that's how we all rolled at one time or another!
This is proof that you work for God and belong to him. Any and all trials from sponsees, or anyone, is a good sign....you are on the radar, satans radar. This means you are a child of God! He will continue to send in people like this your way, and then God gives us an opportunity to use it as away to look at ourselves, prove ourselves and strengthen ourselves.
We, like them, use to work for satan unknowingly. When we started to working for God, we become a threat to his agenda because we are no longer participating in it. We are no longer contributing to the ungodly behavior of this world or harming others (not intentionally at least). We are selflessly doing for others. Not getting "paid", and giving of our time not because we have to, but because we are driven to.
Anyway, you will always have support from God and me. I agree with your assessment, just keep emotions out of it as much as possible. She is a sick person. Pray for her, like you told me to do with my neighbor, let her go and be ok with the outcome-if that's what you choose to do.
I have let go of many because of these sort of attacks. If they don't respect me, or want what I have, then why take the time? There are many other sponsors she can learn from. I would wish them well and wait for the fall out. Some would fire back stuff like "Oh, well I hope you aren't like that with the newcomers!!" or "I am going to report you to AA" LOL! I shit you not! I had someone say that when I was a little over a year sober....She said "you can't fire me!" Or some will say "Yes, I think it's best. You seem to be distant"...This is their egos way of dealing with it and deflecting everything onto you.
We are their parent until they trust God to be. Most of us were not disciplined by our own parents. Kept getting away with crap, seeing how far we could take it. We discipline them, aka, call them out, give them structure, love and support...but they are not our contemporary yet. They ultimately will be when they recover, if they work, learn to discipline themselves and call themselves out...Being accountable to God and getting support and love from God because they will see that His love, support and disapline is all we ever needed.
If this was the structure we had grown up with, then we probably wouldn't be alcoholic. We are Selfish, Self Centered and Self Seeking...We are addicted to drama and chaos. We stir shit up that doesn't need to be. We create chaos and havoc....the tornado that rips through peoples lives. We want attention, good bad...never mattered to me.....I just wanted "somthing" That somthing was God...I just didn't know.
These women only have power if we give it to them. Maybe it's time to firm up on them, and your intuitive skills. Certain women need more discipline. A very tight leash. Simple words. Stronger perimeters. Trust them not!! Not yet. Until they have had they "physic change" they work for the enemy. You can love them and have compassion for them, but limit what you tell them as they are crafty and always taking your inventory!
The good news is that most aren't this way. Most of them want structure and accountability to someone without an impure motive...but these are the best ones to learn and grow from.
I love you and support whatever you decide to do!
Hil
Beloved, believe not every spirit, but try the spirits whether they are of God: because many false prophets are gone out into the world.Hereby know ye the Spirit of God: Every spirit that confesseth that Jesus Christ is come in the flesh is of God:And every spirit that confesseth not that Jesus Christ is come in the flesh is not of God: and this is that spirit of antichrist, whereof ye have heard that it should come; and even now already is it in the world.Ye are of God, little children, and have overcome them: because greater is he that is in you, than he that is in the world.They are of the world: therefore speak they of the world, and the world heareth them.We are of God: he that knoweth God heareth us; he that is not of God heareth not us. Hereby know we the spirit of truth, and the spirit of error.Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God.He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love.In this was manifested the love of God toward us, because that God sent his only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through him.Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins.Beloved, if God so loved us, we ought also to love one another.No man hath seen God at any time. If we love one another, God dwelleth in us, and his love is perfected in us.Hereby know we that we dwell in him, and he in us, because he hath given us of his Spirit.And we have seen and do testify that the Father sent the Son to be the Saviour of the world.Whosoever shall confess that Jesus is the Son of God, God dwelleth in him, and he in God.And we have known and believed the love that God hath to us. God is love; and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God, and God in him.Herein is our love made perfect, that we may have boldness in the day of judgment: because as he is, so are we in this world.There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.We love him, because he first loved us.If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen?And this commandment have we from him, That he who loveth God love his brother also.1 John 4