Recovered Alcoholic

I am in amazement that something that had such a grasp on me, that I obsessed and suffered for and made my HP has been removed. I devoted about 20 years to alcohol as a solution for relief until AA taught me that there was another way.  The way of AA didn't involve temporary or instant relief from the symptoms of living life on self will like alcohol did...it involved surrendering it ALL over and becoming teachable to take up my bed and walk as a stable and free women. All my prior ways of doing life were systematically discarded to be made new.  God lifted the obsession to drink as I set out to learn what it means to have a sane response in regards to alcohol. I absolutely cannot drink ever again. I have an allergy that results in an obsession that turns into the phenomenon of craving something that is poisonous, toxic and will kill me-but it has the power to tell me otherwise.  It will convince me if I consume just one drop, that I can hand...

I remember when I first heard that phrase I thought "what in the hell does that mean" ...the old timey language-as I called it, still spoke through my ignorance until I caught up. Nothing needed to change to accommodate me or my alcoholism. It took me longer to find fun than it was to find joy, contentment and peace. Now I am at a stage where I am not taking myself, or any of this so seriously, which has opened me up to genuine fun and laughter. It doesn't mean that I am not accountable, committed or responsible-it means that I can laugh and be silly without going to the extreme where I have to perform for others or keep that level of fun going forever. It's ok when the party ends, so to speak. I didn't ever want the excitement of looking forward to something to end either so I think I confused excitement with fun. For example; I didn't know the difference between chasing the feeling and excitement of the 'first kiss' vs. the longevity of a committed r...

  Pattern recognition is what separates the girls from the women....this is the Step where rubber meets the road. Becoming aware of oneself, or having an awake Spirit- aka spiritual awakening, is like when you see a character in a movie go "off script" and they start talking back to the director, camera, or the audience instead of repeating the same ol lines that brings about the same ol results. If something is happening over and over again, then I am quite literally an automaton stuck in a feedback loop or trauma cycle. This I have found "serves" me when I do not want to take ownership or responsibility for something that I am in great fear of. So it's basically easier to just fall back and repeat what I know because I'm afraid to grow up. That's where I MUST be willing to employ God as my manager for courage to be turned into a new being that is aligned and attuned to God source and so to not keep repeating the pat...

The Sobriety Circle & Triangle Symbol equilateral triangle represents the 3 part solution- Unity, Recovery and Service - to a 3 part disease - Physical, Mental and Spiritual, while the circle represents wholeness or oneness. The body should be triangular, stable, the mind circular, open. The triangle represents the means for generation of good energy, and is the most stable physical posture. The circle symbolizes serenity and perfection, and the source of unlimited potential. Together they represent the perfect union of mind and body. We adopted the concept and symbol for AA: "The circle stands for the whole world of A.A., and the triangle stands for A.A.'s Three Legacies of Recovery, Unity, and Service. Within our wonderful new world, we have found freedom from our fatal obsession. That we have chosen this particular symbol is perhaps no accident. The priests and seers of antiquity regarded the circle enclosing the triangle as a means of warding off spirits of evil, and ...

R ecovered alcoholic here, and truly grateful for all my blessings. One of them is getting to be a part of such a special program to get reprogrammed back into what God intended for me to be. Drinking is but a symptom, in AA we do not treat symptoms-we treat the core-continuously. That involves living a life that requires rigorous honesty, courage and strength. It's not for everybody-even though it is, if they want what we have and are willing to go to any lengths to get it. No one was going to do this for me. You can advise me, encourage and comfort me-but nobody was going to fix, entertain or enable my antics. "You want it, cool, you don't there's the door-or sit there and listen."  I think the biggest AH HA moment was just that nobody was begging me to stay-or kicking me out. So it was completely out of the wheelhouse of my normal living life based upon those two extremes. Rebel, run, repeat. God's way is less dramatic depen...

 Because of this process I have become interested in things that I NEVER would have before-not only interest, but consistency and follow through. When a being is in fight or flight from essentially birth, we can't just do the things we wish we could. Waiting for the next shoe to drop as a child was how I survived because I didn't have any choice.  As an adult, I still didn't have a choice because of my active alcoholism which rendered me powerless over alcohol- which made my life fundamentally unmanageable. That is the core issue for the alcoholic. I couldn't just "pull up my boot straps" as much as I wanted to-I could not.  I instead would find ways to gaslight or self sabotage so I could have a "do over" if that makes sense. For me "rising from the ashes" every few years was a hell of a lot more exciting than what it would take to actually mature and grow. Once the substance has been removed and the obsession to consume it, this is in my ...