“Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves.” (pg. 58)
Big Book on page 87, “As we go through the day we pause, when agitated or doubtful, and ask for the right thought or action. We constantly remind ourselves we are no longer running the show, humbly saying to ourselves many times each day, “Thy will be done.”
What specific tools have you learned from the program? How do you stay honest with yourself and stay “on the beam” of A.A.? In what ways have you made A.A. your way of life?
I am going through it right now as I feel somewhat destabilized by what is going on in my immediate surroundings. I am not sure how to proceed except to just get as still as possible and allow the truth to be revealed using our resources.
It is very hard to exist in the same place with people who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves-especially when they are hostile, riled up and with all conviction think that their problems are because of you. Because of this program that put me back into conscious contact with God, and all through all the inventories, all the revelations in Step 11, all the meetings, and all the women I have worked with over the years- I have NO problem looking at me first. I know first hand the result of NOT looking at me by externalizing or offloading the matter onto someone else-and by not taking the measures/steps I have been taught to take when I am experiencing this sort of internal and external dis-order...that way sucks bad!!
That being said; where I used to just accept the entire thing as being me, because of me, or martyring myself for whatever reason. I am now receiving new information that I probably did that because I wanted to avoid making some really hard decisions. So taking it all on, must have been a softer and easier way for me then to go deeper. I sincerely apologized to God, and to myself, for what I have subjected myself to throughout my life.
When I was a child I had no choice-when I became of age, I did have a choice but was running the same program from my childhood because that was all I knew and had no other means to manage my life except through the lens of the myriad defects I had accumulated by living life relient of self will and reliant upon others self will. When I did know better, I still ran that script for fear of the unknown and not trusting God to provide a sufficient enough outcome that I could get on board with. SO then, when I don't trust God, I have to make up a story in my head to support my softer and easier route-and this leads to dementia, in my opinion.
Forcing the mind to accept lies without question to stay safe, cozy and support my concepts or popular concepts, is not what the mind was intended for. It was designed to receive information that is then analyzed and processed using other systems of the body to discern the validity of the information which is then determined by the heart space/soul as to what to do with that information. NOT, the other way around-which is how this 3-D system operates and what we were taught. The Steps are restorative and a way back to truth so that we can be rewired to receive and embody truth. A whole lot of yucky stuff needs to be purged before that embodiment, or being made a living person can happen. Like the Pinocchio story, or any story of being made new or reborn-it's not just a fairytale or for the special ones...it's for ALL those who want and love truth. Those that do not want the truth, must continue thier path until they do-allegedly.
This is part of thoroughly following a path to recover and that isn't always comfortable. Being on the beam doesn't mean I am always right, always happy, always blissful and that everything is going smoothly...On the beam means that I am suiting up and showing up to God each day and practicing these principles in all my affairs and if I fall short, I can calibrate quickly and expand from the experience. I do not have the luxury of being a, or staying a victim-even if I have been "victimized" by someone else's dis-ease or dis-order. There is NO power in that-nor in the delusion as to why I choose to stay dis-abled and dis-empowered by the lies I accepted, when I know that will only result in allowing my dis-ease to metastasis.
So today with some old programs resurfacing and old scripts playing out that I thought had been removed, I get yet another opportunity to see where I am for real, and any areas I need to address. I can't work on something if I can't see it-so what I can now see in plain sight allows me to seek God for some information regarding what needs to happen next. This is important- because if I continue to seek the mind, or the intellect as a solution when it's proved to be the core of our problem, the thinking mind that gets me sick in the first place, then becomes my remedy-the mind tells me the problem, I react or take action from the mind instead of using it to gather data, and then when that action backfires because it wasn't in alignment to God's divine right order, I then seek the mind again for the solution to the problem the mind created and I have now sown in to reality a juicy feedback loop.
I legit already feel better just by writing this. I am always amazed by how our program's tools, one being sharing about it in a meeting in a general way, that may be of service, is way-way different then venting, panicking, blaming or complaining....it's being proactive without spinning out or spinning others out with the dramas of life with no real plan except to spin!
The Principles of the Twelve Steps of AA:
Step 1: Honesty
Step 2: Hope
Step 3: Surrender
Step 4: Courage
Step 5: Integrity
Step 6: Willingness
Step 7: Humility
Step 8: Love
Step 9: Responsibility
Step 10: Discipline
Step 11: Awareness
Step 12: Service
Step 1: Honesty
Step 2: Hope
Step 3: Surrender
Step 4: Courage
Step 5: Integrity
Step 6: Willingness
Step 7: Humility
Step 8: Love
Step 9: Responsibility
Step 10: Discipline
Step 11: Awareness
Step 12: Service
How I apply these principles in all of my affairs daily:
Step 1-I am powerless over ____________________(whatever is destabilizing me) and this is causing me current unmanageability
I am omitting what is and being Honest (Principle 1)
Step 2-I have come to believe, that based upon my many experiences with God, and the many things I have been restored to sanity from in my almost 12 years of sobriety, I know at this point that God could and would if he were sought.
I have through the belief and evidence of what God has already proved, I have Hope (Principle 2) that I will be restored with this current issue
Step 3-I am now making a decision to turn my will, my self will on this current issue that hasn't worked for me here, over to God while I do the footwork in the remaining steps to gather the formation I need as to what needs to happen here.
I Surrender (Principle 3) this situation to you God.
Step 4-I am going to take a fearless, searching, moral inventory of myself and what went sideways. I can make an informed decision or come to any sort of sane conclusion unless I find out some facts. I need to employ God here, and sometimes another person, because my ego does NOT want the truth to be revealed because it needs me enslaved by the victim narrative or deceived through delusion. If I am going to proceed here, I need Courage (Principle 4) to face the reality as to why I am replaying this feedback loop and how deep this one goes on a cellular level and WHAT am I really afraid of here???
So you get the picture. On your normal average day and reasonable Step 10 and 11 will suffice-however, when I feel this "off" and had this level of conflict. then a deeper inventory needs to go down.
What automatically had happened when this thing happened was kinda like fight or flight as I felt my body start to quake from deep inside-not the fight or flight of just an adrenal high, but this felt embedded and runs deep. I think I'm looking at some core anger, frustration, sadness, abandonment, self esteem/worth and betrayal stuff again-YAY!
On the Beam
Honesty
Faith
Considerate
Humility
Giving
Calm
Grateful
Patience
Tolerance
Forgiveness
Love
Self-Forgetfulness
Humility
Modesty
Self-Forgiveness
Trust
Moderation
Action
Acceptance
Courage
Faith
Considerate
Humility
Giving
Calm
Grateful
Patience
Tolerance
Forgiveness
Love
Self-Forgetfulness
Humility
Modesty
Self-Forgiveness
Trust
Moderation
Action
Acceptance
Courage
OFF THE BEAM
Dishonest
Fear
Inconsiderate
Pride
Greedy
Anger
Envy
Impatient
Intolerant
Resentment
Hate
Self-Pity
Self-Justification
Self-Importance
Self-Condemnation
Suspicion
Gluttony
Sloth
Rejection*
Frightened*
Staying on the Beam
Today most commercial flying is done on a radio beam. A directional beam is produced to guide the pilot to his destination, and as long as he keeps on this beam he knows that he is safe, even if he cannot see around him for fog, or get his bearings in any other way.
As soon as he gets off the beam in any direction he is in danger, and he immediately tries to get back on to the beam once more.
Those who believe in the All-ness of God, have a spiritual beam upon which to navigate on the voyage of life. As long as you have peace of mind and some sense of the Presence of God you are on the beam, and you are safe, even if outer things seem to be confused or even very dark; but as soon as you get off the beam you are in danger.
You are off the beam the moment you are angry or resentful or jealous or frightened or depressed; and when such a condition arises you should immediately get back on the beam by turning quietly to God in thought, claiming His Presence, claiming that His Love and Intelligence are with you, and that the promises in the Bible are true today.
If you do this you are back on the beam, even if outer conditions and your own feelings do not change immediately. You are back on the beam and you will reach port in safety.
Keep on the beam and nothing shall by any means hurt you.
- - Emmet Fox
Today most commercial flying is done on a radio beam. A directional beam is produced to guide the pilot to his destination, and as long as he keeps on this beam he knows that he is safe, even if he cannot see around him for fog, or get his bearings in any other way.
As soon as he gets off the beam in any direction he is in danger, and he immediately tries to get back on to the beam once more.
Those who believe in the All-ness of God, have a spiritual beam upon which to navigate on the voyage of life. As long as you have peace of mind and some sense of the Presence of God you are on the beam, and you are safe, even if outer things seem to be confused or even very dark; but as soon as you get off the beam you are in danger.
You are off the beam the moment you are angry or resentful or jealous or frightened or depressed; and when such a condition arises you should immediately get back on the beam by turning quietly to God in thought, claiming His Presence, claiming that His Love and Intelligence are with you, and that the promises in the Bible are true today.
If you do this you are back on the beam, even if outer conditions and your own feelings do not change immediately. You are back on the beam and you will reach port in safety.
Keep on the beam and nothing shall by any means hurt you.
- - Emmet Fox