Selfishness - self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles. Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity, we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate. Sometimes they hurt us, seemingly without provocation, but we invariably find that at some time in the past we have made decisions based on self which later placed us in a position to be hurt.
So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making. They arise out of ourselves, and the alcoholic is an extreme example of self-will run riot, though he usually doesn't think so. Above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness. We must, or it kills us! God makes that possible. And there often seems no way of entirely getting rid of self without His aid. Many of us had moral and philosophical convictions galore, but we could not live up to them even though we would have liked to. Neither could we reduce our self-centeredness much by wishing or trying on our own power. We had to have God's help. page 62
The remedy to a selfish disease, which is what we have, is by first performing acts that are self-less in nature. I had NO IDEA what that looked like or what that even meant. I didn't do anything unless there was something in it for me. The founders knew this. God knows this. So the program, our design for living if we are to be free, is to LEARN, not just automatically know, but to learn how to do unselfish things without motive or expectation of receiving something back until it just becomes who we be.
We get to do our little AA jobs, our lists, our sponsoring, to reprogram us in a environment that for the most part is supportive because we are all here for the same reason-not because we are already saints, but because we are selfish alcoholics and addicts who are scared to death of not being approved of, liked or wanted. So we jump through hoops to do things to gain validation from people that we sometimes even hate or don't respect because we think that without them or without them we will die. It's exhausting - and it's a breeding ground for selfishness and also for becoming good liars. What's even sicker, is that we then think we are good people because we have run around trying to please people and then having to drink because we didn't receive the outcome or feedback we were so desperately seeking from them which then makes them our HP too.
I get here and learn that AA doesn't care what I look like, how many degrees I have, what I do, who my family is or how much money I make. "Do you want to live?" "If the answer is yes, then find a way to be of selfless service in this world or go on to the bitter end doing what you've been doing and let me know how that works out for you."
If I use AA's little jobs and service positions to build up my ego from my ego, it's not going to work. If I do these acts with a genuine desire to live and get my heart right, then these little jobs will build up my confidence in a good way, as intended. Confidence in a job well done. or by doing the best I can or could at the time, is the foundation for building up good character, confidence and self esteem-not people pleasing to build up ego or to gain prestige or be adored.
What ends up happening is you no longer need or want validation or a standing ovation for just showing up or for doing the right thing, and we actually become mature, reliable and responsible women raised up right, in AA, as part of the group. If you think you were not selfish before AA, then you haven't done an honest inventory or don't need to be here. I need to be here.
I have been on both sides of this from the painfully selfish sick soul who knew no other way to be, to selfless. Less self just means more God. When I put that connection first I naturally do the right thing. Putting God first doesn't mean I am a priest, monk or nun, it means that I seek God more often than my mind/ego so the scales tip in that favor. I learn to do the opposite of what I would normally do by asking for courage and that builds momentum on the right side up.
To be rid of self-as per what the books says-that's practice-practice with the intent of reaching that state. Until then, I will keep asking God everyday, "how may I serve you and my fellows today" and then practice doing the right thing even when nobody's watching.
Chop Wood
Carry Water.