Forgiveness is not saying what they did was right, logical, kind, good, bad or indifferent-I am practicing forgiving (forgive them God for they not know what they do-bless them change me) them so that I may have peace and not let what they did define me or take from me anymore.
BUT-I do not have to engage with them-in fact, unless they are actively seeking God and some self introspection/inventory, and have come to me to offer amends, I want little to nothing to do with them-and that's my authority and right in God and my responsibility to practice real discernment. I never thought that I deserved amends or that I could make a choice about who I allowed in my life...I considered myself as a dumpster...I accepted and allowed all the trash because I saw myself as trash. I no longer see myself as trash.
Everyone has the right to exist, and I honor their right to exist, but that doesn't mean I'm gonna hang out with people who have no self introspection. I have been one of them and I know that they need to outsource everything- someone other than themselves to blame and to project their defects onto; that they aren't capable of being a good friend and they always have selfish or self seeking motives. That doesn't mean that they can't change, but until they do, they are a liability and not an asset to my life and I would be foolish to invite that back in and put my peace and home at risk. It's false humility to offer up my serenity and peace to a being who has no desire to change in an effort to get them to change or to use them and their current soul sickness as a way to prop myself up as savior/martyr.
I have learned with my husband that having misaligned values and goals is an absolute nightmare of an existence in a relationship-and setting myself up for that under the virtue cloak of forgiveness would be degrading actual forgiveness. I need to practice discernment and stop being afraid that evil people won't like me-even if they are family. I must always double and triple check my motives and intentions for starting or having any relationships because of my Ala-non issues too.
I don't need any dependents or people to save. People always throw around the scripture about Jesus hanging out with the tax collectors, prostitutes and sinners as a good thing like "see, Jesus is cool and loves me just as I am" - Whereas I interpret it as he was teaching those who wanted to change and them actively looking to change by allowing him to teach them-he wasn't getting hammered with them. God, Christ, AA, sponsors, healthy people and relationships are available to all that want it; but I have to rise to meet them-they didn't have to lower themselves to meet me.
That's why we sponsor the willing who find us, not us going into bars dragging people into our home to save them. Even God and Christ operate on an invited basis. So surrounding myself with broken people to make myself feel better would make me self seeking and probably virtue signaling because it's saying that I know better than God what's best for them. For all I know their souls contract is not to get well in this life so if I insist they do, I take both of us out of alignment to our souls journey, create a hellscape and decide what we are supposed to experience because I know what's best.