“The first thing my sponsor told me was, ‘I don’t have time to help you stay sick ... but if you want to get better I’d be glad to help.”
Temple, Texas, October 1990, “The Man I’ve Always Wanted to Be,” Emotional Sobriety
I love this! I couldn't comprehend the concept of enabling vs helping.
"Helping" is being supportive of someone to reach a desired goal
Enabling is doing it for them so that I don't have to take the time to actually teach them-or maybe I don't want to deal with the backlash of telling them "no" or "I can't"; or perhaps maybe I want them to need me or be dependent upon me for whatever reason my twisted and sick brain has convinced me the best course of action for the human being-which is actually usurping God's role and inserting myself as thier HP, which is not only not helpful, it can be down right deadly.
When I was first getting sober I had pretty much been stripped of all things-including a car, so I was essentially walking or taking the bus to work. My primary purpose at that time was to work to drink and drink to die, and hopefully die before I got kicked out of yet another house!! God had other plans.
So newly sober, I was of course still using the manipulative tactics I used on everyone before, as I hadn't yet learned otherwise, so I was trying to manipulate my new sponsor into taking me to work by telling her all my tails of woe in the newly sober world...Instead of feeling sorry for me and giving into my despair through enabling, she asked me if I had legs- and I of course said "yes"...she said "you should be grateful that they can carry you to work".
After I threw my internal fit, I got on my feet and walked to the bus stop. I had undergone a fundamental shift in my perception that day, and that became one of many spiritual experiences that I have been blessed to receive. throughout my 12 year walk.
I don't think my sponsor knew just how profound that act was. She unknowingly was acting out the scene in the chapter Acts of the bible, where the apostles Peter and John tell a beggar asking for money to "Rise and Walk" in the name Jesus of Nazareth. And he did.
How was my sponsor any different than the apostles that day? Guess what, she wasn't. She was doing God's work as she was entrusted to do. What if she had been spiritually lazy that day and gave into my whining? I can't be certain-but I do know that her message would have lost some depth and weight if I had then known that I could use her for rides.
We have to have courage to be sponsors, mothers or anyone who is acting in the role of stewardship in guiding a being and bridging them to God. This is not something I take lightly. Does that mean I am or have been a perfect sponsor or step mother...NO!! Far from it! It means that since I understand and apply the principle of "progress over perfection", I too can keep taking up my bed and walking each time I fall short in any area and learn the acccuried lesson that comes from said mis-take and keep going.
We all need help (support-not enabling) God, and to be taught first how to get up, then to walk.
I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas!!