"Thy will, not mine be done" is an act, or action of faith. Faith, when practiced, ultimately turns into Knowing. Knowing is when you begin to truly enter into conscious alignment, not just awareness, and start to operate in real coherence with your HP.
When you just know something there is no struggle and you cease fighting everything and everyone-including God. So just like everything, the more I practice something, the better I get at it, until it just becomes a part of me.
I practiced my disease and defects for 37 years, and not only were they a part of me, some were deeply ingrained and rooted in me and every decision I made-not saying I don't still have defects, what I am saying is that at 37 I learned a new way to operate in this place. AA taught me that instead of running on self will that were again rooted in fear and defects, to seek God's will instead. The more I practiced this, the better I got at it.
I had to trust that based upon other peoples experiences with God, and knowing that my way seemed to bring in a lot of discourse, that it was worth the risk.
The clearer the connection became through these simple acts of surrender each day in morning prayer, the more I was able to start to discern what God's will was vs. egoic lower based nature stuff. God operates on higher planes, and God knows what I need before I do. So I started to KNOW that no matter what, all of my needs, food, shelter, clothes will be provided somehow no matter what was going on.
Once I really was able to trust and rest in that, I could stabilize enough to root and grow in new soil. Everything else I "wanted" just because I wanted it, those things I needed to double and triple check and sometimes with someone else since my connection is automatically clouded by the "want" of it and if those things are actually in my best interest in the bigger picture. And then I can do some investigation of intent and motive and what it will take to get it.
I don't have the stats to back up a claim that my will has ever been better than God's. How free do I want to be? How much do I want to know God, and not just in name only, but have a real relationship and experience with this power? That's everyone's own individual choice.
Just like anything, you get what you put into it. My HP, just like my disease, is after my soul. So today I made a decision to put God first and reconciled myself to God, and not the other way around. I can't just fit God into my life-I fit me to God, and that involves some practice and some discipline-not from fear of God, but from love for God and overwhelming gratitude for what God has given and taken me from.
I didn't create the eyeball, liver, tree or cosmos, nor did I get me sober-so based upon that data, I turn my will and life over to the One that did and doesn't have any selfish or fear based motives for me.
In all things I can always ask, "God, how would you have me see this?" "God, how would you have me see them?" and be open to being wrong. I am ok being wrong, Especially now that I know what goes into justification of the misalignment and what it takes from me in the long run and big picture.
I may be wrong, but I wasn't lying if I truly believed that to be the truth at the time. My mental, spiritual and physical growth is determined by my willingness to let go of old ideas, so each day is another opportunity to say Thy will, not mine be done and show me the truth!!