What kept me sober long enough to recover-God
The Big Book states and to which I am it's testimony (as are thousands and thousands of others)
"And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone - even alcohol. For by this time sanity will have returned. We will seldom be interested in liquor. If tempted, we recoil from it as from a hot flame. We react sanely and normally, and we will find that this has happened automatically. We will see that our new attitude toward liquor has been given us without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes! That is the miracle of it. We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation. We feel as though we had been placed in a position of neutrality - safe and protected. We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. We are neither cocky nor are we afraid. That is our experience. That is how we react so long as we keep in fit spiritual condition."
This is how we live as free men and free women as long as we keep in "fit spiritual condition". I have alcohol in my house and I could care less. I make tinctures and sanely see it as a tool. We were not given sobriety to stay in a state of fear. When sanity returns because of my continued daily work, when you are sane, you know not to do things that would put you in danger.
If I drink, I will die. If I put a gun in my mouth and pull the trigger I will die. I fundamentally understand that I am allergic to alcohol. So just as the person who has an allergy to fish, they don't suffer or fear the fish-they just don't eat it.
Again, because I have been restored to sanity, not one part of me thinks or see's alcohol as a solution to anything. I respond sanely to life's trials and trigs (for the most part) at least where alcohol is concerned.
I have been to hell and back-in sobriety, I mean, no one would believe me if I told them, so I don't; but I never once thought of alcohol as a way out. This is because I did, and do, everything I was taught to do. When you do these things you become so clear that nothing else matters but God. To drink is to lose that connection. I just don't value alcohol as a HP as I once did.
I am not cured meaning, just the person with the fish allergy, I can't consume alcohol. I respect it enough to know it will kill me-and not just physically, but spiritually and mentally. My daily reprieve is to stay whole-mentally and spiritually in the form of Steps 10, 11, 12.
The proper use of my self will, when aligned with God, can do great things. When out of alignment and living life on life's terms, or Hilarie's terms or your terms, I am a mess!!
So life on God Terms and Conditions I am safe and protected within those parameters. Not to mention free. I don't fear God either. I respect God and respect God's original creation.
"Much has already been said about receiving strength, inspiration, and direction from Him who has all knowledge and power. If we have carefully followed directions, we have begun to sense the flow of His Spirit into us. To some extent we have become God-conscious. We have begun to develop this vital sixth sense. But we must go further and that means more action."
"Much has already been said about receiving strength, inspiration, and direction from Him who has all knowledge and power. If we have carefully followed directions, we have begun to sense the flow of His Spirit into us. To some extent we have become God-conscious. We have begun to develop this vital sixth sense. But we must go further and that means more action."
Because I am clear, and actively seek to get clearer and stay clear, I receive the Spirit and become God Conscious and begin to develop my vital sixth sense.
Develop means: grow or cause to grow and become more mature, advanced, or elaborate and start to exist, experience, or possess. So am I either developing in God, or am I developing in those countless other things I developed in at the beginning of my life as a baby which include but are not limited to:
My parents beliefs systems and behaviors
What I saw on TV, Movie and Porn
The culture/society
My peers,
My teachers
My employers
What they think
My body and sex
etc...
All shaped my perception of myself and my experiences with the way I perceive myself was the filter that shaped my perception of you. When I am actively seeking to have those filters removed, then my life improves and I am able to start maturing and see the truth.
It's easy to get hijacked and then justify it until, yes, drinking or dying would feel better then whatever I allowed myself to sink to by not applying our principle or tools and expanding on my connection with God.
So everyday...who is my HP, what is the next right thing, and if I am compelled to do stuff that I know is not in alignment/bad for me, then ask for it to be removed so that I have a sane response to that to-just like alcohol.
I was able to stop smoking using our program. Again, I have cigarettes in the house because my husband smokes-but I don't want to compromise my lung health and actually value them now more than the temporary relief that I got from a cigarette.....restored to sanity. I never thought I would be free of that.
I learned along the way that self knowledge can only take us so far-so I can study about God until I am blue, which I have, but it's when I am doing the right thing and not allowing myself to be used as an instrument for confusion and chaos when I can actually experience God.
ALSO, I don't have to keep recreating drama and despair to recapture a feeling I had that led me to seek relief in God either-that's another trap I escaped. I didn't know I was doing it until I did-and man what a relief when I got out of the "zeal for the lord" stage!
I LOVE my HP, but I am in 3-D and not always on fire for anything. Which in my opinion is good because that is feeding an extreme and I know God would rather have a balance and whole instrument to work with rather than a crazed all knowing biblical, religious or bb scholar!
I now have a healthy respect for both, but I had to grow up from that stage in both AA and seeking spiritual concepts. With drama comes depletion-trying to maintain a way of life to recapture a feeling becomes an addiction. Fear is addictive.
10, 11, 12, is a way of life that is absolutely sustainable which is why and how we Recover, and not just stay sober.
Thanks!