"As we approach the actual taking of Step Seven, it might be well if we A.A.’s inquire once more just what our deeper objectives are. Each of us would like to live at peace with himself and with his fellows. We would like to be assured that the grace of God can do for us what we cannot do for ourselves. We have seen that character defects based upon shortsighted or unworthy desires are the obstacles that block our path toward these objectives. We now clearly see that we have been making unreasonable demands upon ourselves, upon others, and upon God."
So what do I want? What are my objectives and intentions each day? Do I set any? I know when I don't, I tend to start to have unreasonable demands upon everyone else because I can get overwhelmed, scattered and the hijacked. When I clearly state my intentions in my morning declaration and actions to serve God fully-that sets the "tone", and the foundation for the day so that I may start to continually have a fundamental and consistent baseline of peace with myself, others, and God. The only thing that keeps me from that is me.
"The chief activator of our defects has been self-centered fear–primarily fear that we would lose something we already possessed or would fail to get something we demanded. Living upon a basis of unsatisfied demands, we were in a state of continual disturbance and frustration. Therefore, no peace was to be had unless we could find a means of reducing these demands. The difference between a demand and a simple request is plain to anyone."
Yeah not for me at first! I didn't know how to speak a simple request. It wasn't in me. It was in me to demand they be a certain way and then state my case as to why; or the opposite extreme to stuff it in while I mentally attacked them. Nor I was never satisfied-even if I pretended to be. I wanted more but honestly I didn't even really have a clear picture as to what I wanted more of. I just needed and wanted them to be different for me to be ok which never brought about peace.
By reducing my expectations on everyone to fix me, help me, do it my way; I actually started to experience a little peace. It was SO weird because when you have never felt organic peace in your life, except when buzzed, you are taken back a bit-at least I was. I actually called my sponsor and said "What is this!?!" But don't worry-I quickly recalibrated and went back into fear and frustration...lol! That was when I was early into my walk, so I didn't know that I could stay that way and then learn down the road to properly identify the root source of the fear and frustration and then properly process it so I didn't have to live life that way anymore.
"The Seventh Step is where we make the change in our attitude which permits us, with humility as our guide, to move out from ourselves toward others and toward God. The whole emphasis of Step Seven is on humility. It is really saying to us that we now ought to be willing to try humility in seeking the removal of our other shortcomings just as we did when we admitted that we were powerless over alcohol, and came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. If that degree of humility could enable us to find the grace by which such a deadly obsession could be banished, then there must be hope of the same result respecting any other problem we could possibly have."
Humility is basically saying I am not God. That I make mistakes, that I may have been wrong, that I may have done wrong, that maybe my way of doing things based upon what my life looks like or feels like (it may look good outwardly), isn't the best way. It's saying to myself and God; I have no idea what my life is going to look like without the defects that came about from me doing life this way, but here take them-I would rather be wrong than live a lie. I am willing for you to remove whatever needs to be removed so that I can experience extended peace and not rob others of their peace based upon my unreasonable demands.
6 and 7 are where rubber meets the road and the separation begins from the state of being sober to becoming recovered. Now I am willing to go all the way. I don't fear people the way I once did either because they no longer have the power to HUMILIATE or embarrass me because in my humility I see that I am flawed and do not need to fear those flaws being magnified because I am willing participant with my HP in the process of the removal of defects.
I can now logically process the difference between a constructive suggestion vs an attack by a cruel and evil person. Before I would lump them all into one category of "you made me feel pain" and not allow myself to grow or see any truth. What's being presented while logically considering the source and heart of the deliverer of "pain".
Pain isn't bad when you are birthing new people-new born or old born. Thankfully, through sponsorship on both sides, I can discern a suggestion vs an attack and not throw the baby out with the bath water-depending upon the heart of the deliverer.
Learning that I don't have to allow a bad experience with mean people to shut me down to other people because of fear that they will hurt me- I am stronger than that. Even the mean girls taught me valuable lessons if I choose to receive the lesson. Otherwise I can go into victim mode and there is no power in victimhood.
So unless I first humbly admit that I'm not perfect and I am capable of wrongdoing, I will not be able to clearly see facts about anything. Everything will continue to be perceived through the lens of fear and it will never "land" or sink in.
Pain when used to elevate us to the next level, it's bad-it's the proper use of pain. Again, pain to birth in a new being-not pleasant during, but well worth it in the long term. The way of growth that comes from pain creates courage and strength vs debilitating pain of repeating humiliation though uncleared trauma to avoid the humble way-I assure the humble way is way better!!!