"But we found that serenity meant no such thing. When it comes to us now, it is more as plain recognition—a clear-eyed, realistic way of seeing the world, accompanied by inner peace and strength"
I think at first I thought "serenity' was gonna be bliss. When I felt serenity for the first time it wasn't that at all. It was just a fleeting feeling of contentment. I was fully occupied in the moment, safe and protected with no fear of the future or regret of the past. Again, it was fleeting, but a taste of what was to come and is my reality.
We are extreme people who have been living extreme lives. Super high, or super low. When it all catches up to us we sometimes crash because reality is kind of boring and uneventful when you are not in a crisis- or crisis jumping, as my husband calls it. I see it in my step son. He literally needs a self manifested crisis to get him charged about something in order to do something. So, if I sabotage this (unknowingly of course) then I can build myself back up again to regain the feeling I had when it was new to motivate me! The classic 80's movie montage scene...over and over and over.
Problem, Reaction, Solution-the Hegelian dialectic way....or my way or self will run riot.
By living this way my body had to use its resources to keep me in that state because I told my body via my mind "You are in danger-you are going to die!!!!!" gaslighting myself like everyday-just from turning on the tv or jacking myself up about whatever or whoever, takes its toll. When I am restless, irritable and discontented it is because I am missing God; and everything and everyone else it's working anymore.
Depending upon where I am with God and the 12 Steps, will determine what I need to look at and let go of within me. The symptoms of the pain body let me know that I need to do some introspection. I'm not one who believes that the body, mind and spirit are separate-I mean, they can be perceived that way by our culture, but they aren't designed to be. Our program is designed to bring everything into reasonable balance and then wholeness.
The only real problem I ever have is separation from God-everything else is just a very real feeling delusion.