"For our recovery, it is more important to understand than to be understood." (pg. 11) I always want to put myself first . . . doing that only causes me pain and discomfort. When I take the moment to think of the other person, regardless of the circumstance, pain, frustration, resentment seem to fade. I also remember that usually what I dislike in another is what is going on inside of me."
Reminds me of what many have adopted as their 11th Step Prayer....
Lord, make me an instrument of thy peace!
That where there is hatred, I may bring love.
That where there is wrong, I may bring the spirit of forgiveness.
That where there is discord, I may bring harmony.
That where there is error, I may bring truth.
That where there is doubt, I may bring faith.
That where there is despair, I may bring hope.
That where there are shadows, I may bring light.
That where there is sadness, I may bring joy.
Lord, grant that I may seek rather to comfort, than to be comforted.
To understand, than to be understood.
To love, than to be loved.
For it is by self-forgetting that one finds.
It is by forgiving that one is forgiven.
It is by dying that one awakens to Eternal Life.
That where there is hatred, I may bring love.
That where there is wrong, I may bring the spirit of forgiveness.
That where there is discord, I may bring harmony.
That where there is error, I may bring truth.
That where there is doubt, I may bring faith.
That where there is despair, I may bring hope.
That where there are shadows, I may bring light.
That where there is sadness, I may bring joy.
Lord, grant that I may seek rather to comfort, than to be comforted.
To understand, than to be understood.
To love, than to be loved.
For it is by self-forgetting that one finds.
It is by forgiving that one is forgiven.
It is by dying that one awakens to Eternal Life.
When operating from this angle I am less likely to put my selfish tendencies front and center that love to pull me into self pity and resentment. As my sponsor's husband once said to me..."you are an eagle-and everyone and everything is trying to grab a hold of your talons to keep you from soaring."
When I rise above my compulsions, my emotions are put in their proper place. I can acknowledge them but not allow them to take over by practicing discipline, self control and denying myself. This comes sooner than later when I show up to life with the spirit/motive of being of service.
This concept was entirely foreign to me coming in here. I could make your parents passing about me...I still can if I'm operating from self/self pity/self seeking/selfish motive. I don't like being in that-but, again, I can easily get hijacked and pulled down into that depending upon my spiritual condition and that is a daily choice.
My sponsor explained to me once that she was able to go to her husband's work event and not make it about her....after the sting of my ego getting pierced wore off- because I knew I had and was doing that about everything at the time, I wanted to know how. She said she went in with the motive to serve by asking God to show her how she may be of service to them.
That simple concept was easily applicable when I was newly sober and trying to figure out what to "do" while others were drinking at events. I could do dishes, talk to others about them, play with the kiddos...so many options opened up and relieved me of all the pressure to perform as the star of my personal "sh** show"! I then could apply that to all encounters and all places in which I was interacting with others-even now.
The weird thing about a lot of alcoholic types is that we want attention while simultaneously not wanting to be seen- just my own personal observations-not AA..again, the constant internal battle of extremes that when surrendered and then given marching orders and a mission, is quieted. I don't have to operate from any extreme when I live more than 50% in the right side up-%50 can turn into 60-70% to 80-90%, again, contingent upon my spiritual condition, consistency and willingness. If I don't have the willingness to be made new, then none of this will work.
"That probably no human power could have relieved our alcoholism" including my own. In sobriety I can't continue to use others for relief. We have a program that works when worked. If you can't or won't work it and just go to meetings then you will get the results of that program. Again, that is not the Program of Alcoholics Anonymous. If speaking with my sponsor and making meetings were enough the big book would be a pamphlet that says: Rely on your sponsors advice and go to meetings-The End
The program came online before the term sponsorship and before meetings existed....So the program is where I need to seek relief if I am not getting that from God directly. The Program is Doctors Open up to page 164. Everything beyond that is a testimony of that person's experience with the program-it's not the program.