Pattern recognition is what separates the girls from the women....this is the Step where rubber meets the road. Becoming aware of oneself, or having an awake Spirit- aka spiritual awakening, is like when you see a character in a movie go "off script" and they start talking back to the director, camera, or the audience instead of repeating the same ol lines that brings about the same ol results. If something is happening over and over again, then I am quite literally an automaton stuck in a feedback loop or trauma cycle.
This I have found "serves" me when I do not want to take ownership or responsibility for something that I am in great fear of. So it's basically easier to just fall back and repeat what I know because I'm afraid to grow up. That's where I MUST be willing to employ God as my manager for courage to be turned into a new being that is aligned and attuned to God source and so to not keep repeating the patterns of the unaware NPC.
A Non Player Character, extra or background character must go to great lengths to be seen because they hold very little if any light. They either mimic others, poke and prod to get the other person agitated to generate their destructive pattern so they can draw some energy by repeating what they know instead of rising up and out. They have no power unless they get it from this loop at the expense of others. Or you have the person that is aware, acutely aware, but can't generate enough energy for themselves to rise up and out of spiritual sloth and gluttony. Feeling heavy and oppressed....Bondage of Self, self obsessed.
I have been both archetypes, sponsored both and overcome both, so I have clear experience from all angles and can see it for what it is: forfeiting autonomy out of laziness. Being tossed around by anything and everything because of inaction and complacency-period. This is a spiritual malady and spiritual sickness-not just the drinking/using over and over but anything that is repeated that brings about drama, chaos and depression/obsession.
Unmanageable and unruly, without structure, self control or discipline is spiritual bondage of the lowest energies available-they run the show and the defects develop then root and spread to the point where I don't know what is me and what is the defects.
Step 6. “Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.” why...because we are sick of being predictable robots stuck in stasis, and interwoven with the disease and not the solution. I want to be a player and self aware enough to recognize when I am stuck-and with the ongoing work in Steps 10, 11 and 12, enough sustainable energy to get unstuck to quickly turn around and rebound stronger. Contract and expand to receive more light, more love and more wisdom from God so that I may use that experience of what I rebounded from to serve others.
All my unusable goods in my spiritual house were removed to be remade. Like a home show makeover...they ALWAYS remove the old to make room for the new. Same principle with our spiritual house-If I am keeping the old ideas, patterns and defects because maybe once or twice they served me, then I am not sane and my spirit is still sleeping. I may be an information hoarder, a good liar able to memorize and mimic those who actually have had the courage to become self aware.
Willing to be pruned by God is a sacred act of removal, renewal and regeneration. The ego death is painful, but not in the way the masochistic looping trauma cycle is. Self inflicted trauma and subjecting others to that because I was traumatized, is selfish to the hilt. Spreading the evil that was inflicted upon me so that I can stay a victim is evil. I don't have to grow-that's fine, but I don't have the right to infect others with my unexamined life because of fear. That is cowardice and weakness.
To grow into a woman I need God. This is a spiritual disease that requires a spiritual solution...if I have not accepted that as truth, then I'm in the wrong place. I have zero problem with people finding other ways to get and stay sober and emotionally sober, but in AA we use God and Trust God, clean our Home-spiritual, physically and mentally to treat all sides of the malady of alcoholism (drinking was but a symptom), and Help others.
We do not drain or use others to prop ourselves up. This reprogramming is not for everyone-and this Step will bring you into a whole Women if you have the courage. Since courage didn't come naturally for us, we employ God for that courage. This is the foundation of AA.
Chop Wood, Carry Water....excitement is not the goal here. We are exhausted from all the excitement...time to get busy growing up!! God has not given me a spirit of fear, but of power and love and a sound mind and I just forgot that because of all the defects I have been hosting and serving all of these years. The program teaches me to OUTGROW fear so that I can complete the circuit and return to my truest and Highest Self.
Succumb to, or Overcome. Victimizer, or Victor. Traumatized little girl, or strong, stable, empowered fully embodied Women.