It took me longer to find fun than it was to find joy, contentment and peace. Now I am at a stage where I am not taking myself, or any of this so seriously, which has opened me up to genuine fun and laughter.
It doesn't mean that I am not accountable, committed or responsible-it means that I can laugh and be silly without going to the extreme where I have to perform for others or keep that level of fun going forever.
It's ok when the party ends, so to speak. I didn't ever want the excitement of looking forward to something to end either so I think I confused excitement with fun. For example; I didn't know the difference between chasing the feeling and excitement of the 'first kiss' vs. the longevity of a committed relationship which has good times, but stability throughout. That is just too boring-LOL!
Or the difference between the pink cloud excitement of being newly sober vs. a state of being recovered that will sustain me-not just excitement into action but genuine follow through. Everything in its proper time and place. Since excitement isn't the goal anymore, I can actually have fun!
As I mature in AA I am shown through wisdom the differences of all these extremes that kept looping me in distractive circumstances to avoid growing up. Seeing also how generationally my family was affected.
The boomers in my family needed constant stimulation and faked being happy to keep up appearances-never admitting any wrongdoing ever-selfish and actually incompetent to a certain degree; whereas the Gen Xers in my family seemed to fall into the extreme polarities of depression or elation-emotionally wrecked, self sabotage and self defeating- and our Gen Y er's choose to be comfortably numb.
I was either looking forward to something or depressed about having nothing to look forward to.
So for fun....
Watching shows with my husband that we both like
singing, dancing and playing with my animals and sister
cutting up paper for DIY cards
camping and hiking
(I just asked my husband what I do for fun and he said ''hell hack me''...LOL)
research-It's actually fun to learn now
chores, and yard work....
designing digital templates for labels, cards and posts
making stuff in general
I just got off the phone with my Step son Ian, and he and his best friend Alex are coming up for 4th of July. We are having a huge festival here in town with car show, carnival and fireworks.
The great news for me- and them, is that because of God, this program and extensive work on my alanon issues, I have no desire to manipulate or drive anyone else's experience through the lens of micromanagement, perfectionism, over preparation, trying to impress to be perceived a certain way, or have expectations on them to be anything other than what or who they are. I can budget, maturely and adequately plan-and then actually enjoy my blessings.
On the flip side extreme of that is to check out, isolate, don't get involved or have a life outside of a few people that doesn't threaten my perceptions and delusions.
I get to have a life that I never thought possible that my poor family, who I love, but don't have to emulate anymore-couldn't experience.
There is no struggle or fight when you are just doing the next right thing and leaving the rest to God. Where else could I have learned how to properly have fun unless I become alcoholic!!
I remember when I first heard that phrase I thought "what in the hell does that mean" ...the old timey language-as I called it, still spoke through my ignorance until I caught up. Nothing needed to change to accommodate me or my alcoholism.