My sponsor once said "We are always on Step 1" . I can't ever think that I have some sort of power over alcohol; and what I am learning also is that I can't ever think that I have power over other people or the world at large. This perception of power leads me to spiral into personal unmanageable territory; when I seek to manage the unmanageable aka, spiritually unfit, I get dragged down in the process.
So learning to allow them to do them. Allowing them to make mistakes. Allowing them to fall. Allowing them the freedom that got ultimately got me well- this frees me up from obsession and delusion of power and control that will always result all of us being unmanageable.
If I allow them to be unmanageable, my life is naturally more manageable...this is counterintuitive to my dis-ease that is always telling me that I do have power to change them or it. It says: "if you do this, they will do that" "If you say this, they will change" "If you act this way, they will ___" it's just all consuming and makes my life unmanageable.
If I say "F*** it- God, I give them to you, just help me to be ok with that and help me to accept them as they are right now-help me to manage my own affairs...I can't do this without you!" I get free.
I find that this foundation Step is vital for my new spiritual house to be built. I couldn't take Step 2 until I fully conceded to Step one, or my whole structure from there would easily fall. Step one is surrender.
WE ADMITTED WE WERE POWERLESS OVER ALCOHOL—THAT OUR LIVES HAD BECOME UNMANAGEABLE
Admitted
1. Admit confess to be true or to be the case, typically with reluctance.
Powerless
1: devoid of strength or resources
powerless victims
2: lacking the authority or capacity to act
powerless victims
2: lacking the authority or capacity to act
Unmanageable
difficult or impossible to manage, manipulate, or control.
These three key words really stood out to me. I can apply Step 1 to anything in my life where I have the delusion of power. Everyday on my gratitude list lately I have been writing: I am grateful that I do not have to control, manage, fix, save, or manipulate anyone today to get what I want or want for them. Bless them, Change me.
This helps me to put things into proper perspective and to help keep me from the draining effects of obsession over things and people that I am powerless over. I know that my dis-ease uses this method of obsessing on others as a way to deflect what I need to be doing to change me.
I must also pray to have obsessions be removed consistently. Even if I am not feeling overly obsessive that day. I know how easily it can come back if I am not consciously aware that my mind is always looking for a way to bring me into a delusional state of power and control over things and people I can't change.
It sits there, waiting for a weak moment. I can get fully armored up if I stay vigilant in consistent daily prayer, inventory and awareness. I would spend more time taking other peoples inventory then I would my own. I am learning that I have zero power over people, their defects, their perceptions of me, whether or not they will get upset that day, what they are gonna do, what they aren't doing, etc. I must pray for relief from the obsession to take other peoples inventory and to be consistent with mine. I must actually concede that I am powerless over not taking other peoples inventory. Unless I admit that, then I can't be restore to sanity (Step 2)
If I am grounded in Step 1 daily then my Spiritually house can stand and be built from there. "God, I am powerless over them, bring me into wholeness of mind, I turn them over to you (step 1,2 and 3)....help me to rise above the obsession of my dis-ease of perceptions, lead me to truth!"