Finally, we begin to see that all people, including ourselves, are to some extent emotionally ill as well as frequently wrong, and then we approach true tolerance and see what real love for our fellows actually means.
TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 92
There is so much freedom in internalizing, finally, that I do not have to put people on a pedestal, or throw them into a pit for not meeting my expectations. I wanted so much for someone, somewhere out there to be normal, to have all the answers, to tell me how to do life! Make me feel good damit!! That's what I was searching for and frustrated by my whole life. I looked for the answers in people, never God.
When I was disappointed by people for not delivering the results I wanted, (perhaps they were spiritually sick as I was) I then became the great punisher and accuser. I used that as a reason to drink, cheat, lie, steal, gossip....How dare you not be perfect!! How dare you not know. How dare you not be who I built you up to be!
I don't have to beat them, or myself up for being a product of a weird and inverted world. We are all affected in one way or another...some more so, but I don't have to keep on expecting things and people to be other than they/it is. Sponsoring taught me love, real love. I do not have fear attached to them. I don't have status attached to them. I don't have "what will people think" attached to them, all I want is for them to find a relationship with God and to get well...it's probably the closest thing to pure love here in this realm as it is. That pure untainted, accountable, not controlling, honest and firm, taught me how to love my family and strangers because those attachments and expectations get lifted. It' amazing when you realize for the first time what love is...and it's definitely not what the movies or my family was demonstrating. I am so grateful that AA taught me what love truly is.