What do all of you do to keep yourselves joyful each day?
I was just speaking about this topic kinda, about the difference between being happy, joyous and free, as opposed to trying to generate the false happiness I once had which was in one way or another linked to excitement, future excitement drama or drinking. I loved the newness and excitement of a new relationship-that would wear off and I would get bored. A bored alcoholic is dangerous. What's next?!?!...was how I rolled...never at peace, tormented by wanting more of whatever.
I am learning to be content and grateful which is bringing me great joy and peace in the moment. Avoiding getting too stimulated as for me that excitement feeds my dis-ease and dis-oders. I don't want to be in dis-ease or dis-orders. I don't want to be limited or boxed in by chaos of my own making just so that I can attempt to create a maladjusted version of happiness.
My sister and I were talking about the post Christmas crash she is experiencing. It was fun this year. We made cookies and danced around to Christmas music, cut down our own trees, etc. But it's over. I am learning to maturely accept that the "fun" must end. That doesn't mean I don't have joy, it just means the exciting fun is over.
Before, especially when I was drinking I never wanted the party to end, which is one of the reasons I drank. Even if the "party" was just in my head. My favorite thing about drinking was listening to music and dancing, imagining, playing around with my house, redecorating or re-organizing, calling people....
I can still do those fun things sober, but I can't maintain the level of excitement to feed my need for constant unsustainable happiness. Joyful, happy and free, feels mature, stable, sane and sustainable. I am full-I don't need to feed on something or be entertained. The excitement that I got high from always resulted in a crash. So, I am praying that God helps me to understand the difference, to be content, to keep busy with my home, study, learn a skill; to allow myself to get tired some days and take a nap. To not try to create drama where there isn't any. To be content and satisfied; grateful for what I do have and to relieve the bondage of wanting more or somehow thinking I deserve more than I have been blessed with.
I have a long winter ahead of me and I am homebound. I am treating my home like my job. I get to stay home-and I love it. I get to wake up early and study our literature and other books. I get to do this. I get to use my hands. I get to keep my home clean and organized. I get to practice learning how to can, store, and cook food. I get to make candles and wreaths. I get to listen to interesting stuff. I get to walk my dogs. My sponsor instilled in me to preface stuff with "I get to" as opposed to "I have to" Change in my perspective from looming procrastination, to gratitude that I am able bodied enough to do these things and actually find joy in them.
When I was ill a couple of months back, I couldn't do anything but lay on the couch. That was hell for me. But it taught me to calm down too. So I am finding balance. Sitting down between doing things, not over doing it because I like the feeling of moving. Not moving too quickly and hurting myself unnecessarily because I am doing things too fast. I am an extreme woman who throughout my life experienced super high highs, and really low lows...now I am learning that both of those are toxic. That asking God to rid me of the oppression that paralyzes me into sloth and gluttony. Asking that the defect that wants me to go to the opposite extreme of over do everything to the point of exhaustion and pain be removed also. God teach me a new way to be!!