'When a drunk has a terrific hangover because he drank heavily yesterday, he cannot live well today. But there is another kind of hangover which we all experience whether we are drinking or not. That is the emotional hangover, the direct result of yesterday's and sometimes today's excesses of negative emotion - anger, fear, jealousy and the like. If we would live serenely today and tomorrow, we certainly need to eliminate these hangovers. This doesn't mean we need to wander morbidly around in the past. It requires an admission and correction of errors - now.' 12 & 12
Many, many, many repeated cycles of emotional hangovers was exactly what this alcoholic needed. I don't learn by just experiencing things once unfortunately. I supposed I got a kick on reliving the trauma or creating new drama in one way or another. It either caused my body to produce chemicals that I would naturally get charged or high from, or it would keep me in a suspended state of deflecting all my problems onto someone else so I didn't have to take responsibility or make a change. Admission and correction of errors isn't pleasant but it's a hell of a lot easier than repeating the same thing over and over expecting a different result.
I feel like my body is now actually allergic to drama and anger as it is alcohol and sugar. What used to give me pleasure, excitement, something to look forward to, fun or relief, now feels like a foreign viral invader. The emotional hangover is me recovering from that temporary emotional "possession". Being physically sick from highly emotional and confrontational episodes left me exhausted...just like an alcohol hangover. Being under the influence of emotions is just as powerful as being under the influence of a substance in my opinion.
When I first experienced it, I was confused because it felt all too familiar, like Sunday morning after a night out-but I was sober...how can that be? Well I was bringing my old behaviors and defects into sobriety. My body responded to it and then tried to reject it; just like my body tried to reject alcohol. My soul was showing me the consequences of it but I was powerless to control myself. My mind was just beating me up of course- screaming at me why I allowed this to happen again!
I know that my dis-ease is 3 fold-mind, body and spirit. If my armor is down, if I am not seeking the spiritual solution each day, if I am deflecting and blaming, if I am not actively asking God to grant me self control, then I am subject to suggestions from my disease to take a hold of me in whatever area I am weak in.
My dis-ease tried to take me out with alcohol, but it failed, so it will try other means to weaken me. It will try to convince me to over-consume. To overthink . To over clean. To obsess. To create scenarios about the future, or morbidly live in the past. It wants me dead but will settle for me miserable and inactive in the role that God has for me.
I must actively feed the spirit using our tools, service, starting the day on my knees:
"God to teach me how to make right decisions, teach my to have self control, show me where I am in self delusion and what lies I have accepted to soothe myself, give me courage to not give into the prompts made by my mind, or even the prompts made by the minds of others that wants to pull us back down to repetitive emotional combative state. I don't want to participate with that parasite in myself or in others anymore. God-show me what that looks like because it's new territory for me. Lead me to truth in all things even if that truth stings my ego"