And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone-even alcohol. For by this time sanity will have returned. We will seldom be interested in liquor. If tempted, we recoil from it as from a hot flame. We react sanely and normally, and we will find that this has happened automatically. We will see that our new attitude toward liquor has been given us without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes! That is the miracle of it. We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation. We feel as though we had been placed in a position of neutrality—safe and protected. We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. We are neither cocky nor are we afraid. That is how we react so long as we keep in fit spiritual condition.
Alcoholics Anonymous pp.84-85
Has your new attitude towards alcohol also happened « automatically »?
Yes, this happened for me one day automatically. I couldn't believe that something I was tormented by, was just gone. It was one of the many miracles that has happened for me because of God and this program. My mind was either consumed by getting the alcohol, scheduling my time around consuming the alcohol, justifying consuming the alcohol, lying about the alcohol, hiding the alcohol, trying to act as though I wasn't that buzzed due to alcohol, only going to places where I could bring alcohol, recovering from the effects of alcohol the next day...it was so much work with little pay off.
I got some temporary relief from the first couple drinks, I was able to feel ok in my skin for a couple of hours, but in retrospect the work to maintain the insanity far outweighed the benefits of the temporary relief it gave me. This program led me to God reliance and the plan of action it takes to have real sustainable relief, comfort and protection. King Alcohol has no dominion over me any more....it still amazes me to this day. Always on my gratitude list is being grateful that I am not hung. That I enjoy waking up each day. Even if it's a gloomy day, boring day, or problematic day, at least I am not hung over or obsessing on how I am going for fill the terror of my alcoholic ground hog day existence.
How do you act when around people drinking alcohol?
I react sanely and normally. I observe, not judge, because I was them once. I don't even envy the ones who aren't alcoholic. The ones who can drink and just be done. I like being in control and right in mind. I am learning to be genuine and not fake. I do not need to stand out, or hide. Learning just to be me, God's original design before I got twisted and inverted. Practicing this in all situations, not just when drinking is going on. It's just a non issue.
What goes through your mind?
"I sure don't miss this!"
"I am grateful I no longer look like a possessed slurring stumbling mess of a chick trying to get attention from dudes or have heart to heart connections under the influence of something not me."
"I can't wait to get in my cozy bed and wake up to a hot cup of coffee surrounded by my books!"
I get to go on a hike tomorrow with my dogs as opposed to lying in bed in self imposed sickness"
Have you experienced times when you needed to seek help to get through drinking events?
No, I mean except from God in prayer. But in the beginning I did spend more time with the children and left early. I looked forward to getting on my knees before bed and thanking God for keeping me sober. I looked forward to texting my sponsor that I made it through.
No, I mean except from God in prayer. But in the beginning I did spend more time with the children and left early. I looked forward to getting on my knees before bed and thanking God for keeping me sober. I looked forward to texting my sponsor that I made it through.
The quote details the experience of the first AA’s. Is it still true for us women some 85 years later?
No, I don't believe so. I mean it's not the majority anymore due to the watering down of the program. Program now primarily meeting based instead of God and Steps based as outlined in BB. Fellowship sobriety is dependent on the fellowship and doesn't produce what the above excerpt speaks about-If I am only sober because I make meetings, then I am not spiritually fit.
It's good of course to have our meetings, but what does my spiritual fitness look like when I am not in a meeting? Am I still white knuckling it? Do I still romance the drink? Am I complaining a lot? Am I on some sort of sex spree, food spree, shopping spree, obsessing on others spree, news spree, social media spree, fear spree? Is God an after thought or the first thing I think about when I wake up?
Who is my God? Is the fellowship? Is it my sponsor? Is it my husband or boyfriend? Is my money God? Are my fears God? Are my regrets God? Am I still blaming people for where I am in life? How many amends do I still owe...am I still causing harm with my words and actions, but stone cold sober? Am I even sponsoring anyone, or have I just left service work entirely because my job comes first? What measures am I taking to grow spiritually and get to know this power that keeps me sober-because it certainly wasn't those things or myself that did it.
Also my sponsor once brought up in the meeting that we are not dealing with good old fashioned drunks anymore. We are dealing with a lot of clinical diagnoses that deter from the message. I can't speak to all the myriad of disorders and issues, even if I want to (LOL) all the other 2 to 3 to 4 , I'm sure 5 now letter disorders that are out there. Fortunately for me I bypassed all that. I medicated myself with alcohol instead of prescribed drugs. I am sure you could have labeled me 3 or 4 of these diagnoses...if not more. I feel like for me they are defects, not dis orders...speaking for myself only of course.
But, I am personally grateful my experience didn't include any diagnosis, as I feel for me it would have given me justification to stay sick. Again, just speaking for myself and my personality which was always looking for the softer and easier way. I am grateful for the fellowships that keep true to the program, that take a newcomer aside and show them how to do the Steps straight away. We love the newcomers but they are the main focus in my opinion. We have got many sick and tormented dry drunks with 30 years that need us too. Many think just because they have "time" they are solid. The newcomer can, and is often more spiritually fit then the person with many years based upon their reliance on God and willingness to grow.
I remember being squashed by such old timers that just told me I was on a pink cloud. No, I was having very real experiences with God and was very excited-unlike them. I grow so I can continue to be excited about my sobriety that I was gifted so I can transmit that excitement to know God to the newcomer and never feel the need to crap all over their experiences. Am I growing in my sobriety, or am I stuck in the time aspect? Am I a white chipper that keeps coming back but nobody bothers to help me because they are too busy? Do I have a lot of time but feel like I'm dying inside? Or am I in these rooms and not even an alcoholic? Many people think because they have overdone it a few times, that they are one of us. The BB states Cleary:
Moderate drinkers have little trouble in giving up liquor entirely if they have good reason for it. They can take it or leave it alone.
Then we have a certain type of hard drinker. He may have the habit badly enough to gradually impair him physically and mentally. It may cause him to die a few years before his time. If a sufficiently strong reason - ill health, falling in love, change of environment, or the warning of a doctor - becomes operative, this man can also stop or moderate, although he may find it difficult and troublesome and may even need medical attention.
But what about the real alcoholic? He may start off as a moderate drinker; he may or may not become a continuous hard drinker; but at some stage of his drinking career he begins to lose all control of his liquor consumption, once he starts to drink.
Then we have a certain type of hard drinker. He may have the habit badly enough to gradually impair him physically and mentally. It may cause him to die a few years before his time. If a sufficiently strong reason - ill health, falling in love, change of environment, or the warning of a doctor - becomes operative, this man can also stop or moderate, although he may find it difficult and troublesome and may even need medical attention.
But what about the real alcoholic? He may start off as a moderate drinker; he may or may not become a continuous hard drinker; but at some stage of his drinking career he begins to lose all control of his liquor consumption, once he starts to drink.
Joe and Charlie do a great run down on the difference. I am a real alcoholic who started off as a moderate. I couldn't control myself. Nothing would have stopped me from seeking relief in alcohol. No person, no diagnosis, no relationship loss, nothing. God stopped me and then I had to build on that grace of separation. I had to be taught by the real alcoholic, not taught by the moderate drinker or hard drinker. I couldn't relate to plugging the jug, I couldn't plug the jug-even if you paid me.
I pray more women in AA seek spiritual growth rather than medallions of time. That we seek God, rather than status. That we get back to our primary purpose as to why we were given sobriety. I am to grow in my spiritual experience, not maintain and stay stuck. I couldn't get drunk on yesterday's booze. I had to get more. I can't stay full on yesterday dinner, I have to get more....I can't grow spiritually on yesterday's prayers, step work, service-I need to seek truth to feed my spirit just as I feed my addictions and my physical needs. Do I just work out a few times and expect to be fit? Or do I have to be consistent-do my diligence to get stronger?