Upon awakening, I ask my Father to take over-Seriously...first thing-why? Because who starts talking to me the moment I wake up-my mind. I start thinking about them, that and the other....I'm already carrying on conversations in my head from bed to the bathroom to the coffee pot. Scheming, manipulation, having arguments, how am I gonna get that, convince him of this-planning my day with a alcoholic mind is NOT how I want to start off!
By simply rolling out of the bed onto my knees in Complete Surrender that I am powerless, not only over alcohol but of others, of my emotional reactions, of my feelings, of my fears, my husband, my boss-GOD,please take over!
3rd Step Prayer, Serenity Prayer, 7th Step Prayer- simple and something I can STICK with!!! Consistency in doing good was not my strongest attribute so I had to keep it simple in the beginning until this became prayer thing become habit.
I am undisciplined, so I ask God to help keep me consistent in good things. I had no problem being consistent with self destruction, consistent need to be right or understood, consistent guilt and self pity, a consistent need to prove my worth, consistent drinking, consistent drama, consistent lying, fear, etc...If it's bad I will stick to it!
I start to rewire my brain through prayer, patience, practice and consistency. I want the brain in obedience to my soul, not the other way around, as it was my entire life.
Even when I am frustrated or angry, having a bad day, I will still write gratitude and inventory. I will still pray. I will still read and respond to emails. I will still take calls. I will still call my sponsor if it's really bad. I always feel better the next day and I of course haven't drank or kept it in. I processed whatever is going on without having to resent, vent, complain, or infect others by using the simple tools of AA laid at my feet.
"Practical experience shows that nothing will so much insure immunity from drinking as intensive work with other alcoholics. It works when other activities fail."-Working with Others pg 89BB
"You can help when no one else can. You can secure their confidence when others fail. Remember they are very ill. Life will take on new meaning. To watch people recover, to see them help others, to watch loneliness vanish, to see a fellowship grow up about you, to have a host of friends - this is an experience you must not miss. We know you will not want to miss it. Frequent contact with newcomers and with each other is the bright spot of our lives."-Working with Others-pg 89 BB
I can help when no one else can! That is crazy because I never gave a crap about anyone other than myself or my immediate people-even then, I mostly used them to meet my needs. So that my selfish, self centered being can transform into a agent for God that truly only wants to help with no strings attached?!? The ego can't wrap itself around that kind of living.
I cannot express the importance of consistency enough!! In early sobriety it was hard for me to sit still. I just did it-every day anyway. When God was ready for me to expand on it, I did. But overwhelming myself and quitting was something I did-a lot, so the simpler the better to start.
- Upon Awakening-Roll onto my knees, surrender/admitting powerlessness, turn over my will, ask him to use me as a instrument of good, ask him to remove anything/defects that block me from receiving Him.
I have just done Steps 1, 2, 3, 6 and 7, and 11...Boom! Done and done! Ummm that takes about 1-2 min! If in the beginning you can only do 1 min, fine-but eventually 3-5 is better. The longer I am down there receiving Him, the stronger I get spiritually. Just like working out-the more I work out, the stronger I get-Same applies. The more junk I ingest, the more toxic I become. The more good I ingest the clearer I get.
- After I get my coffee I sit in a chair and just be still-This is my form of meditation. No TV, No facebook, No distraction. This is my sacred time alone with God. I spend about 5-10 min doing that.-Step 11
- Then I break out my notebook and write my gratitude list, the defects that I had struggled with, resentment, amends I need to make, general letter to God-This takes about 15 min. Some do inventory at night, or some do it it there head....I need to write, that's just me. Step 10 is essentially a daily Step 4 because I am taking inventory on myself and Step 6 because I am calling out my defects and Step 5 because I am admitting my to God and myself that I have stuff I am struggling with-I can then reach out to my sponsor. Step 8 and 9 because I am looking at who I need to make amends to during inventory, prayer and meditation.
- I will read/study from the Big Book, Bible, or How Ala-non Works. At least a paragraph out of each-sometimes more...but in the beginning not much. This is growing in understanding of my problem and my program so that I can grow. If I am not growing I am dying a spiritual death. Growing in conscious contact with God in Step 11 asking for knowledge of his will and the power to carry that out. This takes about 10-15 min.
- I then get online and check the emails...Read meetings, participate if I was moved to, reaching out to the newcomers, and responding to sponsee. I get it done in the morning so that I have the rest of the day to tend to my loved ones, home life, job, etc. Step 12 Time:10-20
- Throughout the day I listen to AA, Ala-non or spiritual stuff the background while I was cleaning the house. This again is feeding my soul because it's good stuff going into my mind. This act detoxifies the mind of what I was normally feeding it-tv talk shows/entertainment shows, soap operas, gossip, facebook; plus I am working out the mind and rewiring by thinking about what they are actually saying and applying it to my growth and now can implement all I have learned in my sponsoring. This type of "re-education" keeps me growing.
- I go to my Home Group meeting every Tuesday. I had a six month service commitment of making coffee, then I committed myself to another six months as secretary. This forces to suit up and show up for my fellowship-which doesn't come natural for me...I'm not gonna lie, fellowship is my weakness. I'm not a joiner, BUT-I do it, and I am better for it. This teaches me accountability. I could be counted on to open the door, they know my name and I know theirs...and I am horrible with names which steams from me not caring what their names are...defect, but I digress ;)
As you see, I incorporated ALL 12 Steps into this simple practice!
This ALL builds up momentum in feeding good and strengthening my emotional sobriety-and takes hardly any time at all. About a One hour or so a day. Two or Three hours if it's a meeting day. That's a small price to pay to be recovered. I get a real life. Not my crazy rendition of it. I GET to be of service. I GET a relationship with my Creator-He knows who I am personally! I have purpose that I never in a million years thought someone like me would have. I lived a dark, purposeless, self indulgent, self pity driven existence-coupled with booze.
It's just like the movie Ground Hog day...until I changed my perception of the day to day looping, I would continue to be enslaved by it. I have a choice everyday....Am still willing to go to any lengths to stay sober and spiritually connected to my creator, or do I want to go back? Even when things are good, I still must do this daily to ensure a whole and healthy sobriety and not allow for the ego reconstruction which can lead to relapse or dry drunk syndrome.