Yes...we are people pleases for sure. We kinda set it up that way from the start, so they just responded to what we allowed. We want to "fix/help" which is actually controlling and playing God. We don't want them to be angry, so we continue to attempt to "save the day" in order to keep from having to look at ourselves and what we have to do to fix us. If I am busy "fixing/control" them, then I don't have to fix me....and then I can play the martyr.
We learn how to handle this the further down we go in the defects step (Step 6) and find out when this started in Step 4.
I can be of service, but I am not drained by service because I know how to mange my life now because I have proper motives. I am no longer afraid of saying no, nor to I care what anyone thinks of me. If they are mad or think I suck-oh well....that's their issue, not mine, Even with family...we do them a huge dis-service and are actually keeping them from total God reliance....as Hilarie reliance will fail them because I am just human. I had a big ego and tended to think that I was God-but I didn't know that at the time. I find this this because I am so use to having all the answers and the best plan for those I love! LOL!!
But-that's my will...not Gods. My mom was the same...she rescued us, fixed us, defend us to a fault. Anything to distract from her own anxiety and fear. This put a wedge in between me and God. She was God. When she died I had no idea how to do life without her...Who would I run to when I mess up? Who will help me? Who will carry me through....Well, this was Gods opportunity to get my attention when he got me sober. He choked me...or allowed it! lol! I thought I was gonna die...for the first time I actually wanted to live. I stopped drinking that night for good. Without alcohol or my mom somthing else had to be God....Thank God it was Jesus!
I wish that mom had known me sober, sane and stable. But I know that I would have never got sober or to my Father had she had not died. It's just the way it had to be, and I am grateful.
Anyway, over extending ourselves so that everyone will think that we are awesome is the wrong reason to be of service. God is to take care of them, not us. We can support and love, but not fix. Again, we set it up this way and they ran with it....not their fault. We either attracted needy people or make them that way so that we can control them.
This step, Step one, is admitting that we are powerless and that our life is unmanageable....If we fully admit this...how can we then think we have the power to manage others lives?
When you do you gratitude list from now until we are in Step 3 I want you to start it by saying:
"My name is----------, and I am completely powerless over alcohol, what others do and what others think of me...."
Love,
Hil
But let your communication be, Yea, yea; Nay, nay: for whatsoever is more than these cometh of evil.
-Matthew 5:37