Hi ______,
Yep, Adrenaline,Cortisol and Dopamine! Drama is a powerful drug and distraction. It blocks us from receiving God's light. We get "fed" from the drug, instead of the joy, peace, courage, strength and serenity that God has in store for you. Satan knows us, he knows our weaknesses....his little demons fed off what the body produces when we give into the emotions produced by drama. The drama and chaos that is caused mostly by our defects or unwillingness to accept the defects of others.
We then feed his sheep.....Step 12
About the knowledge and you saying you "know better" because you read scripture....This is why when you read Bills Story and he talks about how he had been giving "knowledge" by Dr. Silkworth about the disease of alcoholism yet he still relapsed. He thought all he needed was information and self will. Many Christians know the bible backwards and forwards...many alcoholics know the big book of AA backwards and forwards....but unless we have the true "spiritual awakening" as a result of working the Steps aka-Born Again in Christ Jesus, then the knowledge that everyone seeks so much, is moot.
What everyone should have been seeking all along was God. God's guidance, Gods teachings, Gods way, fearing him....not fearing the things of this world, or what people can take from us, or how people see us, or how much we have or don't have, or what level of education we get to...etc. Serving two masters doesn't fly with Him!
We get lost in this world. God will find us is AA, but by that time we are riddled in defects, bogged down by resentments, fear and anger....like you said, stuff we don't even know that we are in fear or angry about....God inspired all the people that were involved in early AA, Dr. Silkworth, Dr. Jung, Oxford Group, Ebby Thatcher....all of those people that planted seeds in Bill, then when he had his white light experience in the hospital, it all started to come together from that moment forth because the foundation was set. Bill was ready to receive, rely on God fully, and then to give back.
Our "bottoms" are usually where we become somewhat teachable and ready to receive. The Steps bring us back from spiritual death. God knew he couldn't get through our brokenness just by going to church or believing onto him. We are way more stubborn than that! We over complicate the shit out of everything, and we are easily tempted. Only a power greater than us can restore us to sanity. If that power we believe to be us....meaning, we control others, plan outcomes to please others, manipulate, lie, numb....we are playing God because this is all we know how to do to survive.
When we get connected, plugged back in through our tummy...When our stomach get full with God again, the pain and sensitivity in that area that you were talking about is from being empty and disconnect from our Father. We are disconnected by our actions, behaviors, thoughts, toxic food, alcohol, serving the world and not him...all that we "use" to fill us, doesn't work. It's like pouring salt on a open wound. We walk around like this for years. The more shit we pile on, the worse it gets and the less God can work in our life. He loves us, he beacons us, but unless we put him first, he will leave us to our devices. Free will sucks! LOL
The good news is that the Steps work. They do. It's takes time and effort, diligence and discipline. It takes surrendering to our Father in all defeat and humility. Not humiliated, like we are use to, but humility... that we can't do this life anymore without him. That we trust him to do for us, what we could not do for ourselves. We then stop making everything and everyone, including ourselves, our higher power. We are held in bondage to those which we have put in place of Jesus Christ. Money, emotions and feelings, TV, people, status, food...whatever, I put before God, I will always become enslaved by.
Others my not, but because we are alcoholic and never learned the right way to really do life, we "use" these things, just like we use alcohol. The kicker is that we will never be able to drink again....but we won't see it as a loss anymore. We will learn how to do life on Gods terms and have a healthy perspective regarding those other things. Not using anything other then what is was intended for, including people...to fill the void in our tummy left by God.
The Steps, done in divine right order, is how he managed to get his lost sheep back. We have been infected, big time by satan. He is of this world, we are not. He puts more crap in our way than he does most I think. I'm sure he get a kick watching us struggle and bring other people down with us. BUT, God knows that we will overcome, that we will choose the right path. Satan knew he couldn't get me with alcohol anymore, or inappropriate behavior....so he went after my new childlike faith in God because I had no firm foundation in the Word, like I did in AA. I was easily seduced by the mystical crap. Tossed to and fro like a damn rag doll! lol! It was awful, and I paid the price....but, I came back, just like He knew I would ;)
This is why the program of AA works-God it is the only power that can combat this. I don't care what modern AA says about God. This is a God program...Period. But, we must be working toward full God reliance and setting the foundation for our new spiritual house in Steps 1-3.
We must purge the muck in our belly, recall the past, see the patterns and behaviors and identify where they come from and why they started., Steps 4 and 5...
We then have to "call out the demons" bring them into light. The defects, these little assholes that fed us lies, feed from us, which feed their master-satan. We don't even know that we work for him...but we do. No, we are not rapist and murders, per say, but we still feed him and his agenda here on earth which is to darken hearts, blind us to God with all the shinny toys, cell phone, tv, computers, drama, chaos madness) turn us into robots, numb us to all that God hates so that we accept it, and then take our souls to the put along with him. All this starts with defects. Step 6 & 7
We make right the wrongs through admission and accountability...Steps 8 & 9
We take daily inventory on our conduct so to not repeat...Step 10
We maintain constant contact-communion with him daily...Step 11
When you experience working with others in this way, no agenda, no impure motives, no reliance on them to feed your ego....Your heart opens up. The compassion you feel for this complete stranger, that all you want is for her to get well and find her way back home to Jesus, that overrides satans stronghold, and we awaken.
The scales fall from our eyes....we have the ears to really hear and the eyes to really see. This is how we get back, restored to sanity and become WHOLE in Christ.
We are broken vessels that God puts back together then uses to feed his sheep...I mean, really, what a honor, what a gift. That my nightmare of a life can be used by him, to glorify him and to bring some of his children back to him???!!???
I ask you, what could satans world offer you that would top that?! Oh, and we no longer feel nervous, fearful, anxious...The hole gets filled and we are finally in a place of peace and contentment.
God could and would-IF-he were sought.
Love,
Hil
Jesus said to his disciples:"In praying, do not babble like the pagans,who think that they will be heard because of their many words.Do not be like them.Your Father knows what you need before you ask him."This is how you are to pray:'Our Father who art in heaven,hallowed be thy name,thy Kingdom come,thy will be done,on earth as it is in heaven.Give us this day our daily bread;and forgive us our trespasses,as we forgive those who trespass against us;and lead us not into temptation,but deliver us from evil.'"If you forgive others their transgressions,your heavenly Father will forgive you.But if you do not forgive others,neither will your Father forgive your transgressions."Matthew 6:7-15