Meeting Response topic of Dry Drunk Syndrome
So I am sharing a response to the topic of Untreated alcoholism from a while back....I am having furniture delivered so I am phoning this in. I haven't been consistent with my blog this week as I have my Step Son Ian here for Easter break. I want to wish each of you a wonderful holiday weekend! I love and appreciate you guys...more then you could possibly know :)
Thank you _____ for your service and for this topic that really hits home for me as I once was one, and I live with one. He is kind, gentle, hard working, strong, loving..... yet, angry, selfish, self centered, self seeking fear based, shell of a man who suffers greatly because he chooses to. He is one of us without any program or armor from God. He dabbled in AA and was a meeting maker but it pretty much ended there. He lost weight, got a cool car and started dated tons of chicks-.So all that became his higher power.
Do I love him less because of of this fact, NO. Has it caused us great turmoil and strain, YES!!!
Oh WOW has it!! lol! BUT, I KNOW that God puts us in situations to learn and grow from. If I wasn't living this then I wouldn't know what it was and I would not be able to be of service to those who SUFFER greatly because of untreated alcoholism/addiction in addition to learning what unconditional love is.
In a world that says "run when you are uncomfortable" "do what's best for you" I choose to stay (actually, I did leave him for minute) Yes, I could have left him and his son for good, like I have done in the past and then BLAME him for everything, BUT through this I identified my own defects which kept my on the run, removed most of them and have consequently recovered from a hopeless state of mind and body, not leaving yet another family/relationship because "Hilarie was unhappy" like a tornado..in and out, that's how I rolled...never taking responsibility for any of it.
The awareness of this keeps me out of Dry Drunk now as well. He has had to contend with my defects untreated, then treated...that is very confusing! He is in limbo with his own disease so all I can do is love him and lead by example which is not easy...but it works when I am working in all three sides of our triangle.
Someday he may choose to jump aboard, he may not. I surrendered that outcome, including the outcome of our relationship, my life, (who knows if I will even be alive tomorrow).. to God. The more I have tried to control him, the more we both suffered...go figure ;)
When we are untreated in AA, meaning, we are going to meetings, chit chatting with a sponsor here and there, maybe "visited" the steps or perhaps our sponsor is telling us that we need to take "our time" with steps, or not doing them at all, or maybe we DID do them once like 2 years ago and are resting on our laurels...Not doing daily review, not praying/surrendering, not meditating, not being of service to another alcoholic ...Untreated alcoholism is HELL on earth.
We are sometimes MORE dangerous untreated without any relief then we are when we are drinking.
Left alone in my head, no drink, no God, no program, no tools, no awareness about defects or how to process life then the "isms" will manifest elsewhere like:
- Thinking Sprees. Sex/Porn Sprees, Over Eating/Purging, Spending Sprees, Drama Sprees, Self Pity Sprees...ect
- Not in service with purpose, my alcoholism tell me what a piece of crap I am and that I have nothing of value to give to this world so f***, who cares anyway! If am asking how I can be of service to you then I am not serving this sick twisted mind that hates the world and everyone in it, including myself
- The individual has a low tolerance for stress. They easily get upset if things are not going their way. THROWS FITS!
- The dry drunk continues to engage in unhealthy behaviors. In order to deal with their lack of satisfaction in recovery this individual may turn to new vices.
- Such an individual can suffer from loneliness and lack of interest in activities to fill their time. The fact that they make minimal effort to build a life in AA means that things remain unsatisfactory.
- Denial can be as big a problem for the dry drunk as it can be for the practicing addict. The individual may refuse to see that their life in recovery needs to change. Due to this denial they may continue to live a miserable life in recovery indefinitely.
- Dry drunks may romance the drink. They forget how bad things were and can now only remember the good drinking days. This type of reminiscing is dangerous because it can only lead to relapse or increased resentment about being sober.
- Such a person is likely to suffer a lot from self-pity. Recovery is not as satisfying as they expected and they will feel cheated because of that.
- The dry drunk tends to be full of pride and feels over-confident about their abilities. They will not seek help from other people because they believe they already have all the answers.
- This individual may continue to engage in unethical behavior.
Getting fed at meetings alone did not work for me, if it does you, awesome....I needed way more then that!
I was RIDDLED with defects! Meetings and brushing through the BB and the Steps were not enough. I couldn't understand WHY this AA thing wasn't working. I was going to meetings like my sponsor told me to. I did the freaking Steps, I kind of read Bills Story that made ZERO sense to me because I was still waiting for some miracle that they told me to keep coming back for...Meanwhile I am still sick and suffering in sobriety, in the rooms of AA.
What really messed with me was that I felt like I didn't "fit" there either. I got NOTHING from hanging out there, socializing like the others did. I was waiting for someone to walk up and fix me like I always had but sober. I would hear people in the rooms talking about what "happen to them" no TALK about the solution. The Steps were on the wall, yes, but it was Greek to me. The hopeless feeling set in again like "if this doesn't work then nothing will"
About 6 months sober I finally took control over this. For the second time in my life my will to live kicked into over drive. I knew that I had to do something or I would drink again.
I finally found a Spiritual Sponsor, a man that was speaking my truth but didn't stop there...He talked about God, digging deep, defects, inventory, sponsoring others....While everyone kept telling me "not worry about that now, take your time" he was saying "you are dying now get to work!"
This angel from God came in the form of a AA podcast. People that lived in the book and the solution...Not social hour in the rooms. I took the this Big Book that I had "skimmed through" and highlighted the hell out of it...I reworked my Steps, in their entirety...not just 1-5. I got a service commitment, I found a new sponsor, I started sponsoring, found this group and I stated to GROW...not marinate in meetings slowing dying again.
It's a choice. We can choose to WORK by taking action and find real freedom from ourselves, or we can white knuckle it from meeting to meeting...
The problem of drinking, thinking about drinking has been removed. The removal of obsession to drink is merely a side effect from the bigger picture. Why? Because I did EXACTLY what the Big Book suggested guided by a spiritually fit sponsor, with the DESPERATION of a drowning women. Period.
I now have real amour and relief from the egoic mind that wants me dead but will settle for me drunk, suffering and making others suffer. I can't rest on yesterday's spirituality, I know meetings alone will keep me in constant fear of relapse. I DO NOT FEAR relapse. I say recovered because I am. It's my truth. I know I can't drink like a normal person because of my allergy to it, I know it will kill me. What I am recovered from is the the crazy notion that I could drink normally and that now I don't even think about drinking.
Fear has infiltrated the rooms of AA...what the source of that is, who knows...BUT..It's there and the hidden fear is disguise by subtle slogans and words like "recovery". Again, if words like recovery and sayings like "don't drink unless your ass falls off" works for your..awesome...Like I said, I needed more. I wasn't going to settle for constant state of recovery while fearing relapse my entire life. That sounded awful. I wanted what the Big Book declared in the forward:
We, of Alcoholics Anonymous, are many thousands of men and women who have recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. To show other alcoholics PRECISELY HOW WE HAVE RECOVERED is the main purpose of this book.
The next words are not back tracking into fear of relapse or recovering, just holding on until next meeting. We should be shouting it from the roof tops and be brave enough to do so like they were when there was a 75% recovery in AA, not 5-10%.
Unless you are going strait to source, Big Book, then you are involved in a game of Telephone. "My sponsor said this....
My Rehab said that.....Joe did it like this.......This website does this....." Untreated people spreading the wrong message, a watered down version of the solution, the recipe in the Big Book.
It amazes me that people get offended by the word Recovered yet have no qualms about spreading the wrong message. They say things like "Recovered means that that you can drink" or that saying Recovered is arrogant...First, I am not a idiot-I know I can't drink and so does the newcomer which is why they are here...Hearing the word "Recovered" will not change that fact. We should be outraged at that our fellowship has been hijacked by drama, 13 steppers, psycho babble and FEAR-instead of obsessing over saying the word recovered because the newcomer might think you mean cured-Stop it. Again, we are drunks, not idiots.
God reliance and the Steps are the way to relief from bondage of alcohol and self. It worked for our founders, me, and millions of others...that we don't have to suffer as dry drunks for years and years...we can LIVE life without a thought of taking a drink or fearing it.
Love in the Sunlight of the Holy Spirit!
Hilarie 4.8.14
Easter-Nothing to do with Bunnies or Eggs...Sorry!
Easter Sunday Prayer
Lord God, You loved this world so much, that you gave your one and only Son, that we might be called your children too. Lord, help us to live in the gladness and grace of Easter Sunday, everyday. Let us have hearts of thankfulness for your sacrifice. Let us have eyes that look upon Your grace and rejoice in our salvation. Help us to walk in that mighty grace a nd tell your good news to the world. All for your glory do we pray, Lord, Amen.
Matthew 20:17-19
17 Now Jesus was going up to Jerusalem. On the way, he took the Twelve aside and said to them, 18 “We are going up to Jerusalem, and the Son of Man will be delivered over to the chief priests and the teachers of the law. They will condemn him to death 19 and will hand him over to the Gentiles to be mocked and flogged and crucified. On the third day he will be raised to life!”
Mark 8:31
31 He then began to teach them that the Son of Man must suffer many things and be rejected by the elders, the chief priests and the teachers of the law, and that he must be killed and after three days rise again.
John 12:23-25
23 Jesus replied, “The hour has come for the Son of Man to be glorified. 24 Very truly I tell you, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. 25 Anyone who loves their life will lose it, while anyone who hates their life in this world will keep it for eternal life.
Matthew 27:33-37
33 They came to a place called Golgotha (which means “the place of the skull”). 34 There they offered Jesus wine to drink, mixed with gall; but after tasting it, he refused to drink it. 35 When they had crucified him, they divided up his clothes by casting lots. 36 And sitting down, they kept watch over him there. 37 Above his head they placed the written charge against him: THIS IS JESUS, THE KING OF THE JEWS.
Mark 15:29-32
29 Those who passed by hurled insults at him, shaking their heads and saying, “So! You who are going to destroy the temple and build it in three days, 30 come down from the cross and save yourself !” 31 In the same way the chief priests and the teachers of the law mocked him among themselves. “He saved others,” they said, “but he can’t save himself! 32 Let this Messiah, this king of Israel, come down now from the cross, that we may see and believe.” Those crucified with him also heaped insults on him.
Luke 23:26-31
26 As the soldiers led him away, they seized Simon from Cyrene, who was on his way in from the country, and put the cross on him and made him carry it behind Jesus. 27 A large number of people followed him, including women who mourned and wailed for him. 28 Jesus turned and said to them, “Daughters of Jerusalem, do not weep for me; weep for yourselves and for your children. 29 For the time will come when you will say, ‘Blessed are the childless women, the wombs that never bore and the breasts that never nursed!’ 30 Then “ ‘they will say to the mountains, “Fall on us!” and to the hills, “Cover us!” ’ 31 For if people do these things when the tree is green, what will happen when it is dry?”
John 19:5-6
5 When Jesus came out wearing the crown of thorns and the purple robe, Pilate said to them, “Here is the man!” 6 As soon as the chief priests and their officials saw him, they shouted, “Crucify! Crucify!” But Pilate answered, “You take him and crucify him. As for me, I find no basis for a charge against him.”
Luke 23:44-47
44 It was now about noon, and darkness came over the whole land until three in the afternoon, 45 for the sun stopped shining. And the curtain of the temple was torn in two. 46 Jesus called out with a loud voice, “Father, into your hands I commit my spirit.” When he had said this, he breathed his last. 47 The centurion, seeing what had happened, praised God and said, “Surely this was a righteous man.”
John 19:29-30
29 A jar of wine vinegar was there, so they soaked a sponge in it, put the sponge on a stalk of the hyssop plant, and lifted it to Jesus’ lips. 30 When he had received the drink, Jesus said, “It is finished.” With that, he bowed his head and gave up his spirit.
Mark 15:46-47
46 So Joseph bought some linen cloth, took down the body, wrapped it in the linen, and placed it in a tomb cut out of rock. Then he rolled a stone against the entrance of the tomb. 47 Mary Magdalene and Mary the mother of Joseph saw where he was laid.
Matthew 27:65-66
65 “Take a guard,” Pilate answered. “Go, make the tomb as secure as you know how.” 66 So they went and made the tomb secure by putting a seal on the stone and posting the guard.
Mark 16:5-7
5 As they entered the tomb, they saw a young man dressed in a white robe sitting on the right side, and they were alarmed. 6 “Don’t be alarmed,” he said. “You are looking for Jesus the Nazarene, who was crucified. He has risen! He is not here. See the place where they laid him. 7 But go, tell his disciples and Peter, ‘He is going ahead of you into Galilee. There you will see him, just as he told you.’ ”
Luke 24:1-12
1 On the first day of the week, very early in the morning, the women took the spices they had prepared and went to the tomb. 2 They found the stone rolled away from the tomb, 3 but when they entered, they did not find the body of the Lord Jesus. 4 While they were wondering about this, suddenly two men in clothes that gleamed like lightning stood beside them. 5 In their fright the women bowed down with their faces to the ground, but the men said to them, “Why do you look for the living among the dead? 6 He is not here; he has risen! Remember how he told you, while he was still with you in Galilee: 7 ‘The Son of Man must be delivered over to the hands of sinners, be crucified and on the third day be raised again.’ ” 8 Then they remembered his words. 9 When they came back from the tomb, they told all these things to the Eleven and to all the others. 10 It was Mary Magdalene, Joanna, Mary the mother of James, and the others with them who told this to the apostles. 11 But they did not believe the women, because their words seemed to them like nonsense. 12 Peter, however, got up and ran to the tomb. Bending over, he saw the strips of linen lying by themselves, and he went away, wondering to himself what had happened.
Luke 24:6-7
6 He is not here; he has risen! Remember how he told you, while he was still with you in Galilee: 7 ‘The Son of Man must be delivered over to the hands of sinners, be crucified and on the third day be raised again.’ ”
John 20:16-18
16 Jesus said to her, “Mary.”She turned toward him and cried out in Aramaic, “Rabboni!” (which means “Teacher”). 17 Jesus said, “Do not hold on to me, for I have not yet ascended to the Father. Go instead to my brothers and tell them, ‘I am ascending to my Father and your Father, to my God and your God.’ ” 18 Mary Magdalene went to the disciples with the news: “I have seen the Lord!” And she told them that he had said these things to her.
Matthew 28:18-20
18 Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. 19 Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20 and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”
Acts 3:15
15 You killed the author of life, but God raised him from the dead. We are witnesses of this.
Acts 4:33
33 With great power the apostles continued to testify to the resurrection of the Lord Jesus. And God’s grace was so powerfully at work in them all
1 Corinthians 15:3-8
3 For what I received I passed on to you as of first importance : that Christ died for our sins according to the Scriptures, 4 that he was buried, that he was raised on the third day according to the Scriptures, 5 and that he appeared to Cephas, and then to the Twelve. 6 After that, he appeared to more than five hundred of the brothers and sisters at the same time, most of whom are still living, though some have fallen asleep. 7 Then he appeared to James, then to all the apostles, 8 and last of all he appeared to me also, as to one abnormally born.
Mark 16
1 When the Sabbath was over, Mary Magdalene, Mary the mother of James, and Salome bought spices so that they might go to anoint Jesus’ body. 2 Very early on the first day of the week, just after sunrise, they were on their way to the tomb 3 and they asked each other, “Who will roll the stone away from the entrance of the tomb?” 4 But when they looked up, they saw that the stone, which was very large, had been rolled away. 5 As they entered the tomb, they saw a young man dressed in a white robe sitting on the right side, and they were alarmed. 6 “Don’t be alarmed,” he said. “You are looking for Jesus the Nazarene, who was crucified. He has risen! He is not here. See the place where they laid him. 7 But go, tell his disciples and Peter, ‘He is going ahead of you into Galilee. There you will see him, just as he told you.’ ” 8 Trembling and bewildered, the women went out and fled from the tomb. They said nothing to anyone, because they were afraid. 9 When Jesus rose early on the first day of the week, he appeared first to Mary Magdalene, out of whom he had driven seven demons. 10 She went and told those who had been with him and who were mourning and weeping. 11 When they heard that Jesus was alive and that she had seen him, they did not believe it. 12 Afterward Jesus appeared in a different form to two of them while they were walking in the country. 13 These returned and reported it to the rest; but they did not believe them either. 14 Later Jesus appeared to the Eleven as they were eating; he rebuked them for their lack of faith and their stubborn refusal to believe those who had seen him after he had risen. 15 He said to them, “Go into all the world and preach the gospel to all creation. 16 Whoever believes and is baptized will be saved, but whoever does not believe will be condemned. 17 And these signs will accompany those who believe: In my name they will drive out demons; they will speak in new tongues; 18 they will pick up snakes with their hands; and when they drink deadly poison, it will not hurt them at all; they will place their hands on sick people, and they will get well.” 19 After the Lord Jesus had spoken to them, he was taken up into heaven and he sat at the right hand of God. 20 Then the disciples went out and preached everywhere, and the Lord worked with them and confirmed his word by the signs that accompanied it.
Matthew 28
1 After the Sabbath, at dawn on the first day of the week, Mary Magdalene and the other Mary went to look at the tomb. 2 There was a violent earthquake, for an angel of the Lord came down from heaven and, going to the tomb, rolled back the stone and sat on it. 3 His appearance was like lightning, and his clothes were white as snow. 4 The guards were so afraid of him that they shook and became like dead men. 5 The angel said to the women, “Do not be afraid, for I know that you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. 6 He is not here; he has risen, just as he said. Come and see the place where he lay. 7 Then go quickly and tell his disciples: ‘He has risen from the dead and is going ahead of you into Galilee. There you will see him.’ Now I have told you.” 8 So the women hurried away from the tomb, afraid yet filled with joy, and ran to tell his disciples. 9 Suddenly Jesus met them. “Greetings,” he said. They came to him, clasped his feet and worshiped him. 10 Then Jesus said to them, “Do not be afraid. Go and tell my brothers to go to Galilee; there they will see me.” 11 While the women were on their way, some of the guards went into the city and reported to the chief priests everything that had happened. 12 When the chief priests had met with the elders and devised a plan, they gave the soldiers a large sum of money, 13 telling them, “You are to say, ‘His disciples came during the night and stole him away while we were asleep.’ 14 If this report gets to the governor, we will satisfy him and keep you out of trouble.” 15 So the soldiers took the money and did as they were instructed. And this story has been widely circulated among the Jews to this very day. 16 Then the eleven disciples went to Galilee, to the mountain where Jesus had told them to go. 17 When they saw him, they worshiped him; but some doubted. 18 Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. 19 Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20 and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”
Mark 15:16-47
16 The soldiers led Jesus away into the palace (that is, the Praetorium) and called together the whole company of soldiers. 17 They put a purple robe on him, then twisted together a crown of thorns and set it on him. 18 And they began to call out to him, “Hail, king of the Jews!” 19 Again and again they struck him on the head with a staff and spit on him. Falling on their knees, they paid homage to him. 20 And when they had mocked him, they took off the purple robe and put his own clothes on him. Then they led him out to crucify him. 21 A certain man from Cyrene, Simon, the father of Alexander and Rufus, was passing by on his way in from the country, and they forced him to carry the cross. 22 They brought Jesus to the place called Golgotha (which means “the place of the skull”). 23 Then they offered him wine mixed with myrrh, but he did not take it. 24 And they crucified him. Dividing up his clothes, they cast lots to see what each would get. 25 It was nine in the morning when they crucified him. 26 The written notice of the charge against him read: THE KING OF THE JEWS. 27 They crucified two rebels with him, one on his right and one on his left. 29 Those who passed by hurled insults at him, shaking their heads and saying, “So! You who are going to destroy the temple and build it in three days, 30 come down from the cross and save yourself !” 31 In the same way the chief priests and the teachers of the law mocked him among themselves. “He saved others,” they said, “but he can’t save himself! 32 Let this Messiah, this king of Israel, come down now from the cross, that we may see and believe.” Those crucified with him also heaped insults on him. 33 At noon, darkness came over the whole land until three in the afternoon. 34 And at three in the afternoon Jesus cried out in a loud voice, “Eloi, Eloi, lema sabachthani?” (which means “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”). 35 When some of those standing near heard this, they said, “Listen, he’s calling Elijah.” 36 Someone ran, filled a sponge with wine vinegar, put it on a staff, and offered it to Jesus to drink. “Now leave him alone. Let’s see if Elijah comes to take him down,” he said. 37 With a loud cry, Jesus breathed his last. 38 The curtain of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom. 39 And when the centurion, who stood there in front of Jesus, saw how he died, he said, “Surely this man was the Son of God!” 40 Some women were watching from a distance. Among them were Mary Magdalene, Mary the mother of James the younger and of Joseph, and Salome. 41 In Galilee these women had followed him and cared for his needs. Many other women who had come up with him to Jerusalem were also there. 42 It was Preparation Day (that is, the day before the Sabbath). So as evening approached, 43 Joseph of Arimathea, a prominent member of the Council, who was himself waiting for the kingdom of God, went boldly to Pilate and asked for Jesus’ body. 44 Pilate was surprised to hear that he was already dead. Summoning the centurion, he asked him if Jesus had already died. 45 When he learned from the centurion that it was so, he gave the body to Joseph. 46 So Joseph bought some linen cloth, took down the body, wrapped it in the linen, and placed it in a tomb cut out of rock. Then he rolled a stone against the entrance of the tomb. 47 Mary Magdalene and Mary the mother of Joseph saw where he was laid.
Luke 23:1-56
1 Then the whole assembly rose and led him off to Pilate. 2 And they began to accuse him, saying, “We have found this man subverting our nation. He opposes payment of taxes to Caesar and claims to be Messiah, a king.” 3 So Pilate asked Jesus, “Are you the king of the Jews?” “You have said so,” Jesus replied. 4 Then Pilate announced to the chief priests and the crowd, “I find no basis for a charge against this man.” 5 But they insisted, “He stirs up the people all over Judea by his teaching. He started in Galilee and has come all the way here.” 6 On hearing this, Pilate asked if the man was a Galilean. 7 When he learned that Jesus was under Herod’s jurisdiction, he sent him to Herod, who was also in Jerusalem at that time. 8 When Herod saw Jesus, he was greatly pleased, because for a long time he had been wanting to see him. From what he had heard about him, he hoped to see him perform a sign of some sort. 9 He plied him with many questions, but Jesus gave him no answer. 10 The chief priests and the teachers of the law were standing there, vehemently accusing him. 11 Then Herod and his soldiers ridiculed and mocked him. Dressing him in an elegant robe, they sent him back to Pilate. 12 That day Herod and Pilate became friends—before this they had been enemies. 13 Pilate called together the chief priests, the rulers and the people, 14 and said to them, “You brought me this man as one who was inciting the people to rebellion. I have examined him in your presence and have found no basis for your charges against him. 15 Neither has Herod, for he sent him back to us; as you can see, he has done nothing to deserve death. 16 Therefore, I will punish him and then release him. ” 18 But the whole crowd shouted, “Away with this man! Release Barabbas to us!” 19 (Barabbas had been thrown into prison for an insurrection in the city, and for murder.) 20 Wanting to release Jesus, Pilate appealed to them again. 21 But they kept shouting, “Crucify him! Crucify him!” 22 For the third time he spoke to them: “Why? What crime has this man committed? I have found in him no grounds for the death penalty. Therefore I will have him punished and then release him.” 23 But with loud shouts they insistently demanded that he be crucified, and their shouts prevailed. 24 So Pilate decided to grant their demand. 25 He released the man who had been thrown into prison for insurrection and murder, the one they asked for, and surrendered Jesus to their will. 26 As the soldiers led him away, they seized Simon from Cyrene, who was on his way in from the country, and put the cross on him and made him carry it behind Jesus. 27 A large number of people followed him, including women who mourned and wailed for him. 28 Jesus turned and said to them, “Daughters of Jerusalem, do not weep for me; weep for yourselves and for your children. 29 For the time will come when you will say, ‘Blessed are the childless women, the wombs that never bore and the breasts that never nursed!’ 30 Then “ ‘they will say to the mountains, “Fall on us!” and to the hills, “Cover us!” ’ 31 For if people do these things when the tree is green, what will happen when it is dry?” 32 Two other men, both criminals, were also led out with him to be executed. 33 When they came to the place called the Skull, they crucified him there, along with the criminals—one on his right, the other on his left. 34 Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” And they divided up his clothes by casting lots. 35 The people stood watching, and the rulers even sneered at him. They said, “He saved others; let him save himself if he is God’s Messiah, the Chosen One.” 36 The soldiers also came up and mocked him. They offered him wine vinegar 37 and said, “If you are the king of the Jews, save yourself.” 38 There was a written notice above him, which read: THIS IS THE KING OF THE JEWS. 39 One of the criminals who hung there hurled insults at him: “Aren’t you the Messiah? Save yourself and us!” 40 But the other criminal rebuked him. “Don’t you fear God,” he said, “since you are under the same sentence? 41 We are punished justly, for we are getting what our deeds deserve. But this man has done nothing wrong.” 42 Then he said, “Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom. ” 43 Jesus answered him, “Truly I tell you, today you will be with me in paradise.” 44 It was now about noon, and darkness came over the whole land until three in the afternoon, 45 for the sun stopped shining. And the curtain of the temple was torn in two. 46 Jesus called out with a loud voice, “Father, into your hands I commit my spirit.” When he had said this, he breathed his last. 47 The centurion, seeing what had happened, praised God and said, “Surely this was a righteous man.” 48 When all the people who had gathered to witness this sight saw what took place, they beat their breasts and went away. 49 But all those who knew him, including the women who had followed him from Galilee, stood at a distance, watching these things. 50 Now there was a man named Joseph, a member of the Council, a good and upright man, 51 who had not consented to their decision and action. He came from the Judean town of Arimathea, and he himself was waiting for the kingdom of God. 52 Going to Pilate, he asked for Jesus’ body. 53 Then he took it down, wrapped it in linen cloth and placed it in a tomb cut in the rock, one in which no one had yet been laid. 54 It was Preparation Day, and the Sabbath was about to begin. 55 The women who had come with Jesus from Galilee followed Joseph and saw the tomb and how his body was laid in it. 56 Then they went home and prepared spices and perfumes. But they rested on the Sabbath in obedience to the commandment.
Matthew 27:11-66
11 Meanwhile Jesus stood before the governor, and the governor asked him, “Are you the king of the Jews?” “You have said so,” Jesus replied. 12 When he was accused by the chief priests and the elders, he gave no answer. 13 Then Pilate asked him, “Don’t you hear the testimony they are bringing against you?” 14 But Jesus made no reply, not even to a single charge—to the great amazement of the governor. 15 Now it was the governor’s custom at the festival to release a prisoner chosen by the crowd. 16 At that time they had a well-known prisoner whose name was Jesus Barabbas. 17 So when the crowd had gathered, Pilate asked them, “Which one do you want me to release to you: Jesus Barabbas, or Jesus who is called the Messiah?” 18 For he knew it was out of self-interest that they had handed Jesus over to him. 19 While Pilate was sitting on the judge’s seat, his wife sent him this message: “Don’t have anything to do with that innocent man, for I have suffered a great deal today in a dream because of him.” 20 But the chief priests and the elders persuaded the crowd to ask for Barabbas and to have Jesus executed. 21 “Which of the two do you want me to release to you?” asked the governor. “Barabbas,” they answered. 22 “What shall I do, then, with Jesus who is called the Messiah?” Pilate asked. They all answered, “Crucify him!” 23 “Why? What crime has he committed?” asked Pilate. But they shouted all the louder, “Crucify him!” 24 When Pilate saw that he was getting nowhere, but that instead an uproar was starting, he took water and washed his hands in front of the crowd. “I am innocent of this man’s blood,” he said. “It is your responsibility!” 25 All the people answered, “His blood is on us and on our children!” 26 Then he released Barabbas to them. But he had Jesus flogged, and handed him over to be crucified. 27 Then the governor’s soldiers took Jesus into the Praetorium and gathered the whole company of soldiers around him. 28 They stripped him and put a scarlet robe on him, 29 and then twisted together a crown of thorns and set it on his head. They put a staff in his right hand. Then they knelt in front of him and mocked him. “Hail, king of the Jews!” they said. 30 They spit on him, and took the staff and struck him on the head again and again. 31 After they had mocked him, they took off the robe and put his own clothes on him. Then they led him away to crucify him. 32 As they were going out, they met a man from Cyrene, named Simon, and they forced him to carry the cross. 33 They came to a place called Golgotha (which means “the place of the skull”). 34 There they offered Jesus wine to drink, mixed with gall; but after tasting it, he refused to drink it. 35 When they had crucified him, they divided up his clothes by casting lots. 36 And sitting down, they kept watch over him there. 37 Above his head they placed the written charge against him: THIS IS JESUS, THE KING OF THE JEWS. 38 Two rebels were crucified with him, one on his right and one on his left. 39 Those who passed by hurled insults at him, shaking their heads 40 and saying, “You who are going to destroy the temple and build it in three days, save yourself! Come down from the cross, if you are the Son of God!” 41 In the same way the chief priests, the teachers of the law and the elders mocked him. 42 “He saved others,” they said, “but he can’t save himself! He’s the king of Israel! Let him come down now from the cross, and we will believe in him. 43 He trusts in God. Let God rescue him now if he wants him, for he said, ‘I am the Son of God.’ ” 44 In the same way the rebels who were crucified with him also heaped insults on him. 45 From noon until three in the afternoon darkness came over all the land. 46 About three in the afternoon Jesus cried out in a loud voice, “Eli, Eli,lemasabachthani?” (which means “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”). 47 When some of those standing there heard this, they said, “He’s calling Elijah.” 48 Immediately one of them ran and got a sponge. He filled it with wine vinegar, put it on a staff, and offered it to Jesus to drink. 49 The rest said, “Now leave him alone. Let’s see if Elijah comes to save him.” 50 And when Jesus had cried out again in a loud voice, he gave up his spirit. 51 At that moment the curtain of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom. The earth shook, the rocks split 52 and the tombs broke open. The bodies of many holy people who had died were raised to life. 53 They came out of the tombs after Jesus’ resurrection and went into the holy city and appeared to many people. 54 When the centurion and those with him who were guarding Jesus saw the earthquake and all that had happened, they were terrified, and exclaimed, “Surely he was the Son of God!” 55 Many women were there, watching from a distance. They had followed Jesus from Galilee to care for his needs. 56 Among them were Mary Magdalene, Mary the mother of James and Joseph, and the mother of Zebedee’s sons. 57 As evening approached, there came a rich man from Arimathea, named Joseph, who had himself become a disciple of Jesus. 58 Going to Pilate, he asked for Jesus’ body, and Pilate ordered that it be given to him. 59 Joseph took the body, wrapped it in a clean linen cloth, 60 and placed it in his own new tomb that he had cut out of the rock. He rolled a big stone in front of the entrance to the tomb and went away. 61 Mary Magdalene and the other Mary were sitting there opposite the tomb. 62 The next day, the one after Preparation Day, the chief priests and the Pharisees went to Pilate. 63 “Sir,” they said, “we remember that while he was still alive that deceiver said, ‘After three days I will rise again.’ 64 So give the order for the tomb to be made secure until the third day. Otherwise, his disciples may come and steal the body and tell the people that he has been raised from the dead. This last deception will be worse than the first.” 65 “Take a guard,” Pilate answered. “Go, make the tomb as secure as you know how.” 66 So they went and made the tomb secure by putting a seal on the stone and posting the guard.
THE PRIVILEGED ADDICT
"Does Narcissism Go Away In Recovery?" Comment/Response
March 29, 2018
Comment:
Hello Charlie. I truly love and admire your work, and so appreciate all of your efforts and dedication to yourself, your family and God (maybe not in that order...but you know what I mean ;))
I have been reading your blog for a while, as I have been a member of alanon for a few years, but have struggled with this idea that alcoholism is a "disease" and that we should have "compassion and understanding" for they know not what they do. Huh? I'm sorry, but I don't believe that.
All that aside, my question is about alcoholism and narcissism. I understand you likely can't have one without the other, but do you feel, or have you witnessed perhaps in yourself and others, that once recovery is found narcissism is completely removed from them? Or do you believe it may already be a personality disorder, and the compulsion to use is because narcissists loathe themselves so much that they use it to self medicate?
Just curious. Would love to hear your thoughts on this :)
Thank you, Charlie.
Be well and keep writing!
Response:
Hey thanks, although I'm afraid you're much too generous, as my failures and mistakes pile up with some frequency.
In a nutshell, yes, if an addict engages in rigorous, comprehensive, spiritual recovery and other-centered action, then the narcissism and/or other mental illness, whether situational/drug-induced or preexisting, can be significantly reduced, if not vanquished altogether. In other words, both are simply varying byproducts of the same core problem. Underlying both addiction and narcissism is spiritual malady, and thus lifelong commitment to spiritual growth and a willingness to do anything it takes to grow and change can alleviate either/both. This is why the Steps actually work, because the solution is comprehensive. The process is meant to change the person, the core, not merely address symptoms of addiction and so on. And of course, the power of God can do anything. As far as narcissism leading to drug use etc., we'll get into that and other stuff below.
More importantly, yeah, you don't believe what you heard in al-anon because it is bullshit. We know when we hear bullshit because we can feel it. Most of us have a gut conscience, and we know when something just doesn't feel right or when the reasoning or rationale behind it is off. Whenever we hear bullshit, propaganda or just plain nonsense, a bell should go off, and if it doesn't, then we may have become programmed or worse, as besides drugs, indoctrination or severe mental illness are perhaps the only things strong enough to blot out the conscience and the rational, clear, sane mind. External power, though an illusion subject to the power of suggestion and the gullibility of the masses, may also do the trick.
"They know what what they do?" We know exactly what we're doing. We know we're using drugs and we know it's wrong. I used to get down on my knees every night after getting jammed out of my fucking mind all day and say to myself, "God, forgive me for this sin. Forgive me for what I'm doing to my family." It was a selfish, hollow prayer, but you see the point. Using the disease model to excuse, rationalize and even justify our behavior is outrageous. When did the Snowflake State get this out of control?
I've written about this to some extent in older posts such as "Narcissism In Recovery," and of course, "Elements of a Narcissist & the Victim Mentality," which deals with the delusion of victimhood and covers some of the elements of narcissism. I may paraphrase from these a bit below and try to expand on stuff as well...
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I'm not so sure that narcissism is ever completely removed from an addict, lol... but we can absolutely reduce it to the extent that it's no longer clinical. An addict who has dug deep, become brutally honest with himself/others and has induced a psychic change, as it were, certainly becomes less narcissistic. However, narcissism is a powerful trait or character flaw, and one that we addicts sometimes carry far into recovery. Needless to say, poor effort or flat out ineptness when writing our inventory certainly doesn't help matters. One of the more surface or easily visible examples of this is when the addict continues to hold the external world responsible for how he or she feels or for what is happening or not happening in their lives. So you may hear stuff like...
"If only my spouse would do some work on herself, I'd be much better spiritually."
"If my boss was only there when I went to make an amends, I'd be okay right now. And I'm crossing him off the list because I tried to go."
"If only my family would change, too, I wouldn't be so RID-full and feel like using again. I know I was an addict and stuff, but they are such assholes about it and my mom is so passive-aggressive."
"If people would only forgive me, my depression would be gone by now. Don't they know I'm trying to do the right thing?" Um, why should they care? Remember it was you who wronged them and your amends isn't about you, it's for them.
"Well, I'm doing pretty good but since my job sucks, I can't make my financial amends, and because all the other jobs out there suck and the economy sucks, I may have no choice but to stiff them, and then if I relapse, it's not my fault."
"I was doing well but because of global warming and Trump and guns and micro-aggressions like the Starbucks Christmas season coffee cups, I am just too angry and offended to go to a meeting. Plus I can't get out of my house because there's 3 feet of snow blocking the door and the guy didn't show up and I can't shovel that much and it's -10 degrees out."
You get the picture. Because we have been so filled to the brim with pride and arrogance, we cannot see the truth that nothing outside of us is responsible for how we feel or for what happens to us. Our self-centered frame of mind tells us that even our recovery is dependent on the outside world.
Narcissism occurs when we begin to perceive ourselves to be an extension of everyone else, and as such, we falsely believe our feelings to be dependent on what happens externally. In plain English, we blame others for how we feel, which is delusional. By the way, it is also narcissistic when I start thinking others should think or feel the same way I do about something (so feel free to disagree ;-) and sadly, this rigidity and particular aspect of the mental disorder we see not only in addicts but it has become a central characteristic and intellectual requirement of liberalism, so we're now talking about millions and millions of people. Scary.
But the point is that knowing all about our flaws is completely useless if we don't cleanse ourselves properly via inventory etc. so that the work we do actually works. This is why therapy is often useless. Talking, reading and studying doesn't change people. Action does. So if our recovery is dependent on what's taking place outside of ourselves, we aren't really engaging in recovery, as recovery itself is both the identification and active removal of our narcissism through service or selfless action.
As far as preexisting narcissism goes, it certainly may be the case that an individual's NPD may lead to drug use. Younger narcissists and true sociopaths (severe NPD cannot be cured, baring a miracle, whereas narcissism that is more situational or drug-induced can be undone) are especially delusional, believing they are invincible and have the right to do as they please and everybody else must conform or go to hell. So yes, a narcissist may be so damaged that he or she begins drinking or using drugs to alleviate or cloak the self-hatred. These types of narcissists will not admit they despise themselves and thus using may become an outgrowth of such a significant denial.
That said, a walking pity pot who openly admits, whines and complains about how miserable they are is also narcissistic. I have to say, there isn't much less attractive than a blood-sucking pity pot or an arrogant, Holier Than Thou, self-righteous, virtue-signaling asshole who believes he knows everything and all those who disagree must be mentally retarded. Generally, you see that kind of attitude in those who are themselves quite stunted intellectually. They lack a connection to reality, a connection to life and to God that allows them to gain true knowledge, and more importantly, wisdom.
So when a preexisting narcissist begins to use, it certainly amplifies the symptoms, sometimes exponentially. I had a narcissistic in-law who literally went off the deep end when drinking. The wrath, ruthlessness and cruelty went into overdrive. And sure anyone who becomes an addict must also become a narcissist, but I think ultimately some degree of narcissism is there to begin with, as the process of becoming an addict is an act of pure selfishness and immaturity. It is the behavior of someone who believes they suffer more than others, that their lives are tougher, that their feelings are tougher, that nobody understands, that they are somehow unique and special and different from all the rest.
That is, of course, delusional, but nonetheless, these are the sorts of beliefs that precede and fuel the growth of an addict. And when someone feels this way, the belief is necessarily accompanied by a lack of connection and understanding of others. The belief that we are special and that nobody suffers or feels the way we do has to be proportionately accompanied by the inability to see others, to hear others, to listen to others, to understand others, to step into their shoes and so forth... and that is, of course, narcissistic.
To note, anyone you see today who refuses to hear or understand the other side is pretty much a narcissist, so don't be fooled by the wrapping paper and the signs, even thought most of the signs are generally incoherent, explicit and rude. Those who preach the loudest about tolerance and love and social justice and equality and intellect tend to be the most intolerant, hateful, unjust, partial and dumbest people out there. Behind the lofty, conceited, patronizing attitude is a sort of cognitive vacuum, let alone the scorn and contemptuousness. And then underneath that is self-hatred and insecurity. Those who preach the loudest usually don't know what they're talking about and are not secure in what they believe. Those who are truly tolerant are just tolerant. They don't scream angrily. They are quiet about it because there is no need not to be as it is simply who they are. Good, decent people are generally the quietest. They don't whine and scream and judge and attack and project. They are too busy going to work, taking care of their families, enjoying life and so forth.
Not to get too ethereal or whatever, but this is indeed how the devil is supposed to work, to brainwash people by cloaking himself in "peace and love" etc. but in a dark and manipulative way as to effect division, hatred, depravity, deviance, confusion, selfishness and of course, a full-on hatred of God. You hear the words fascism and racism being thrown around a lot today, but true fascists and racists call everyone who disagrees with them a fascist or a racist. Free speech and free expression only applies to them and all the rest must conform or be smeared, hated, attacked, isolated and despised. Ring any bells? They are tyrants. It's called projection, masking hatred. They also have no clue what they are talking about, but that's a whole other subject. When you are historically, economically and scientifically illiterate, have no argument and no facts, you just shout "racist."
Narcissists are never satisfied with anything. They make demands and as soon as they get what they want, they are immediately disappointed and demand something else. They falsely believe that when they get what they want it will somehow change how they feel. The pretend to be victims. They think that the totality their woes and feelings are dependent on the outside world, on others doing, thinking and speaking as they say. It truly is mental, isn't it?
P.S. Many read this blog but only a few comment. Totally cool, of course, but please don't be shy, as the comments, especially those more colorful with your thoughts, ideas and questions are great because they give me something focused to write about. After so many posts and so little free time, I'm sometimes at a loss ;-)
Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me. -John 14:6