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Growing in God and Sobriety!

Inspired Topic of the Day
Vigilance

I can still become distracted by an obsession that my mind had convinced is more important than my primary purpose. I am a alcoholic, first. I can't EVER allow myself to think I am a civilian, normal, "normie".  I had my step son this weekend and we went for a hike and hung out. Normal worldly stuff...right? That's fine, I can do that, but I can't neglect the program or my God who separated me from alcohol take a back seat or simply chose not to use them.

The only reason I am allowed to do "normal" activities and to being at perfect ease and comfort doing them-like going hiking without a water bottle full of vodka or the knowing that I had vodka waiting for me when I got back-Is because of the grace and power of God and the tools of AA-My intellect/brain, will, knowledge...all that got me drunk and kept me drunk. 

Yesterday my step son was saddened and disappointed about his dad not being able to hang out with him the whole time he was here (his dad is a nurse, works at nights-sleeps day). His disappointment and sadness mirrors my same disappointment and sadness over Brian's work schedule. I then went about the day distracting myself from the emotions and feelings that were brought up. Doing copious amounts of laundry, cleaning, rearranging....NOT once did I check in with God or come on here to see if there was anyone I could help-nor did I read/participate in a meeting. Instead I was suppressing through distraction-and allowing my mind to have "it's" way with me. This then leads to resentment toward Brian regarding his current state of dry drunkenness and refusal to take any action no matter who he hurts in the process-which leads to him waking up and I am visible not pleased with him-which leads to him being angered because he hates disappointing us, and so it goes-Wasted Sunday with anger and resentment over something that I cannot change.

Here's where  "I"got the ball rolling (Not them-we don't blame or take their inventory)
  1. I allowed my emotions to dictate me. Emotion driven responses, choices and action always leads to drama. Inwardly or outwardly. My internal drama regarding Brian's work will ultimately surface. The decision to suppress it my distracting myself was a bad choice.
  2. Normally I am in constant communion with God-Meaning I am talking to Him in my head, instead of allowing my head to talk to me. I wasn't because I had Ian here and I was distracted by normalness...if that makes sense...lol
  3. I know how to allow things to surface in a healthy manner now-which is all that more annoying when I don't use the tools laid at my feet. Acknowledging feelings and emotions as they come. Recognizing where and why, then allowing them to move through me-not own me. Then I avoid created drama based on a temporary feeling and emotions disrupt the entire household based on it.
  • Getting out of my head and on to knees-asking my Father to REMOVE the obsession I am having about Brian and Ian and I's dissopiontment
  • Saying and teaching our really awesome prayer to him-
God, grant me the Serenity (peace-calm-still) to Accept (reality) the things I cannot change ( Brian's schedule, being disappointed sometimes, Ian's sadness), the Courage to Change the things I can (Myself, my perception of it from resentment to gratitude and teaching Ian to do the same), and the Wisdom to know the difference. (I know the difference now, before I didn't! I was a wild animal on high alert! Conform to my will, my way, make me happy or you will pay!!!!!! Infecting others with my emotions and feelings because I honestly didn't know any better) Now I know better!! Now I must in the moment decide who and what I will feed-God or ego? Will I take action with our tools or will I react to my temporary emotions and wreak havoc?? We always have a choice.

Staying in constant vigilance. Never thinking that I will just automatically remember to use the tools or seek my Father. This dis-ease will convince that I am well enough to just have a tiny resentment..."no big deal. Just hang out with me in your head while I talk to you..." Guys-when something is "talking to you" even if it sounds like you, it's not you. AND, it sure in the hell isn't God. God doesn't' talk bad to you about His other children. He doesn't get me wound up with anger. He doesn't want me running around the house in my head when I could be participating in a meeting, working with a sponsee or teaching my step son a vital life lesson about disappointment and what to do with it-that was ALL ego...aka...alcoholism...aka...demon on the shoulder. Prompting me to revert back to one of my go-to defects of:
  • Fear-(of not getting my way happy family hallmark moments)
  • Self Seeking-(Not seeking God's will)
  • Suppressing and distracting -(just like I did when I was drinking)
Everytime I think I have the luxury to nurse a resentment by allowing myself to be influenced or entertain one of my defects-I just gave my dis-ease a way in. Now it owns me and will harass me until I disrupt the entire household. This parasite is now feeding off all our emotions because" I" gave it permission. I had a choice-Use our tools, seek God and guidance or pretend that I am normal.

Normal people don't seem to have the kind of outcomes we have...Like they seem to have resentments all the time, however thiers don't usually result in the same kind of havoc as mine do. Ever notice that???

Anyway-That's it. Bottom line-I don't care about how much time have or how spiritually fit you think you are-we are all being pressured by our dis-ease...Thankfully, God is in constant pursuit of us too. It's our choice, who we turn to...us, or the ONLY power that can combat this sort of "noise"-GOD!

Today's Action
  • Stay in constant contact with God. Talking to Him so that I am not being talked to by "it"
  • Use my TOOLS when I get bogged down or enslaved by a thought
  • Acknowledge my feelings knowing that they are temporary and SHOULD not take action based on them! 
  • Simple Prayer-"Father, please help me I am obsessing over something I can't change. Please remove this obsession and guide me into gratitude and bring me someone I can help-STAT!!

Bible Verses about Self-control 

He that hath no rule over his own spirit 
is like a city that is broken down, and without walls.
Proverbs 25:28 | KJV

For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.
2 Timothy 1:7 | KJV |   

He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; 
and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city.
Proverbs 16:32 | KJV |  

Death and life are in the power of the tongue: 
and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.
Proverbs 18:21 | KJV |  

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.
Galatians 5:22-23 | KJV |   

And beside this, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue; and to virtue knowledge; And to knowledge temperance; and to temperance patience; and to patience godliness; And to godliness brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness charity.
2 Peter 1:5-7 | KJV |   

Therefore let us not sleep, as do others; but let us watch and be sober.
1 Thessalonians 5:6 | KJV | 

Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath.
James 1:19 | KJV |   

There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.
1 Corinthians 10:13 | KJV |   

But I keep under my body, and bring it into subjection: lest that by any means, when I have preached to others, I myself should be a castaway.
1 Corinthians 9:27 | KJV | 

For the grace of God that bringeth salvation hath appeared to all men, Teaching us that, denying ungodliness and worldly lusts, we should live soberly, righteously, and godly, in this present world.
Titus 2:11-12 | KJV |   

And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.
Romans 12:2 | KJV |   

For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.
Ephesians 6:12 | KJV |   

And every man that striveth for the mastery is temperate in all things. Now they do it to obtain a corruptible crown; but we an incorruptible.
1 Corinthians 9:25 | KJV |  

AA Go-to's

WHEN I AM DISTURBED BY THE CONDUCT (SYMPTOMS) OF OTHERS
"This is a sick man. How can I be helpful to him? God save me from being angry. Thy will be done."
(p. 67 BB)
God help me to show this person the same tolerance, pity and patience that I would Cheerfully grant a sick friend. This is a sick person, how can I be helpful to him? God save me from being angry. Thy will be done.
(see above and p. 141 of 12&12)

WHEN I AM AFRAID
"We ask Him to remove our fear and direct our attention to what He would have us be."
(p. 68 BB)
God, relieve me of this fear and direct my attention to what you would have me be. AMEN


WHEN I AM AWARE OF MY OWN DEFECTS AND SEEKING GOD'S HELP TO CHANGE
"We asked God to mold our ideals and help us to live up to them. . . we ask God what we should do about each specific matter."
(p. 69 BB)
God, I'm agitated and doubtful right now. Help me to stop and remember that I've made a decision to let You be my God. Give me the right thoughts and actions. God save me from fear, anger, worry, self-pity or foolish decisions that Your will not mine be done. AMEN


SUGGESTIONS ABOUT PRAYER AND MEDITATION FROM BB
(1) Make no requests in prayer for yourself only.
(2) Never pray for your own selfish ends.
(3) Select and memorize a few set prayers that emphasize the principles of the Steps.
(4) Ask a priest, minister or rabbi about helpful books and prayers that emphasize the principles of the Steps.
(5) Be quick to see where religious people are right.
(6) Make use of what religious people have to offer.
(p. 87 BB)


NIGHT PRAYER
God forgive me where I have been resentful, selfish, dishonest or afraid today. Help me to not keep anything to myself but to discuss it all openly with another person - show me where I owe an apology and help me make it. Help me to be kind and loving to all people. Use me in the mainstream of life God. Remove worry, remorse or morbid (sick) reflections that I may be of usefulness to others. AMEN
(p. 86 BB)

MORNING PRAYER
God direct my thinking today so that it be divorced of self pity, dishonesty, self-will, self-seeking and fear. God inspire my thinking, decisions and intuitions. Help me to relax and take it easy. Free me from doubt and indecision. Guide me through this day and show me my next step. God give me what I need to take care of any problems. I ask all these things that I may be of maximum service to you and my fellow man in the name of the Steps I pray. AMEN
(p. 86 BB)



AA MORNINGS
  • On awakening let us think about the twenty-four hours ahead. We consider our plans for the day. Before we begin, we ask God to direct our thinking, especially asking that it be divorced from self-pity, dishonest or self-seeking motives. Under these conditions we can employ our mental faculties with assurance, for after all God gave us brains to use. Our thought-life will be placed on a much higher plane when our thinking is cleared of wrong motives.

  • In thinking about our day we may face indecision. We may not be able to determine which course to take. Here we ask God for inspiration, an intuitive thought or a decision. We are often surprised how the right answers come after we have tried this for a while.

  • What used to be the hunch or the occasional inspiration gradually becomes a working part of the mind. Being still inexperienced and having just made conscious contact with God, it is not probable that we are going to be inspired at all times. We might pay for this presumption in all sorts of absurd actions and ideas. Nevertheless, we find that our thinking will, as time passes, be more and more on the plane of inspiration. We come to rely upon it.

  • As we go through the day we pause, when agitated or doubtful, and ask for the right thought or action. We constantly remind ourselves we are no longer running the show, humbly saying to ourselves many times each day “Thy will be done.” We are then in much less danger of excitement, fear, anger, worry, self-pity, or foolish decisions. We become much more efficient. We do not tire so easily, for we are not burning up energy foolishly as we did when we were trying to arrange life to suit ourselves.

  • Be kind to others. Smile. Open doors. Drive without freaking out and just be grateful that you are not in jail or dead….You have a second chance. There is nothing you have done that God can’t and won’t forgive...If there is a name for it, it’s been done before so just get to work.

It works - it really does!

We alcoholics are undisciplined and create drama. So we let God guide us in the simple way we have just outlined. But this is not all. There is action and more action. 
“Faith without works is dead.”
(from "Alcoholics Anonymous pg. 86-88)


AA NIGHTS
When we retire at night, we constructively review our day.
  • Were we resentful, selfish, dishonest or afraid?
  • Do we owe an apology?
  • Have we kept something to ourselves which should be discussed with another person at once?
  • Were we kind and loving toward all?
  • What could we have done better?
  • Were we thinking of ourselves most of the time? Or were we thinking of what we could do for others, of what we could pack into the stream of life?
But we must be careful not to drift into worry, remorse or morbid reflection, for that would diminish our usefulness to others. After making our review we ask God's forgiveness and inquire what corrective measures should be taken.
(from "Alcoholics Anonymous pg. 86)

The Serenity Prayer
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change; 
courage to change the things I can; 
and wisdom to know the difference


PRAYER OF ST. FRANCIS OF ASSISI
Lord, make me a channel of thy peace,
that where there is hatred, I may bring love;
that where there is wrong, I may bring the spirit of forgiveness;
that where there is discord, I may bring harmony;
that where there is error, I may bring truth;
that where there is doubt, I may bring faith;
that where there is despair, I may bring hope;
that where there are shadows, I may bring light;
that where there is sadness, I may bring joy.
Lord, grant that I may seek rather to comfort
then to be comforted;
to understand, than to be understood;
to love, than to be loved.
For it is by self-forgetting that one finds.
It is by forgiving that one is forgiven.
It is by dying that one awakens to Eternal Life.



Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me. -John 14:6