Isms in Alcoholism
The definition of Isms:
ism
plural noun: isms
a distinctive practice, system, or philosophy, typically a political ideology or an artistic movement.
"of all the isms, fascism is the most repressive"
INDEED! My practice of destruction was a systematic idea that I created and turned it into a art form! My "practice" was deliberate, thought out and obsessed over day in and day out. How, when, where....would I fit life around my drinking??? That was hard work.
We get clarity when separated from that which is killing us and then it is up to us to practice doing the opposite. Putting as much effort into transformation that I put into deconstruction. Doing/practice gave me strength, courage and the wisdom to discern right from wrong.
First I had to admit complete defeat. Admitting that I had no clue how to do this life thing without destroying myself and all involved.
With grace from God at first, then with diligence.
FACING ALL the demons. Looking them in the eye, one by one. I did/do this, and I had a lot of demons. They couldn't hurt me once I took the power from them by owning what I did. NONE of it killed me. It hurt, yes, but it did not kill me. Once I stared down the demons of the past I can discard them. I am purged. I am clean. I am free.
What I do is to practice Doing the Steps throughout the day as to not feed demons/ego again. I feed the Light, not the dark.
My Dark is:
Needing approval/attention, unworthiness, fear, judgmental, anger...
The definition of Isms:
ism
plural noun: isms
a distinctive practice, system, or philosophy, typically a political ideology or an artistic movement.
"of all the isms, fascism is the most repressive"
INDEED! My practice of destruction was a systematic idea that I created and turned it into a art form! My "practice" was deliberate, thought out and obsessed over day in and day out. How, when, where....would I fit life around my drinking??? That was hard work.
We get clarity when separated from that which is killing us and then it is up to us to practice doing the opposite. Putting as much effort into transformation that I put into deconstruction. Doing/practice gave me strength, courage and the wisdom to discern right from wrong.
First I had to admit complete defeat. Admitting that I had no clue how to do this life thing without destroying myself and all involved.
With grace from God at first, then with diligence.
FACING ALL the demons. Looking them in the eye, one by one. I did/do this, and I had a lot of demons. They couldn't hurt me once I took the power from them by owning what I did. NONE of it killed me. It hurt, yes, but it did not kill me. Once I stared down the demons of the past I can discard them. I am purged. I am clean. I am free.
What I do is to practice Doing the Steps throughout the day as to not feed demons/ego again. I feed the Light, not the dark.
My Dark is:
Needing approval/attention, unworthiness, fear, judgmental, anger...
My Light is:
Being of service, compassion courage and trust, self-worth, non judgment, love...
The one that gets fed gets strengthens; and through practice I have learned discernment, how to be unselfish, and how not to be a energy vampire.
If the dark isn't getting fed it will die. I was darkened and muddied by the demons that I put there. Parasitic demons sucking the life out of me...(resentment, anger, rage, self pity, sabotage, self destructive, selfish, self seeking, FEAR)
I had ZERO light so I had to get/take the light from others....I fed the darkness with alcohol, blame, self pity, shame, guilt, what "if's", sleeping around, gossiping, comparing my life to others....riddled in defects by what I was doing....In early sobriety too.
I have a bunch of birds that come to the back yard everyday-it's not because I'm freaking Snow White and they love hanging around me....It's because I feed them.
What you feed through practice is what you become. I practiced and perfected the art of being a active miserable, whinny, selfish, good for nothing alcoholic....Today I practice the art of being the opposite...let God decide which defect goes and when. That simple.
It takes practice, diligence and courage. This path is not for the weak. Because of AA, the Big Book and the Steps I am no longer the weak, hopeless, powerless women surviving on animal instinct that I once was.
I am a growing, loving, compassionate women of grace and dignity. I no longer use men or get used by men. I no longer seek approval or expect others to live up to my unrealistic expectations. I no longer live in darkness and chaos of my own creation....I am a child of God because I live according to his will.
“I don’t believe we can do anything very well in this world unless we practice it. And I don’t believe we do A.A. very well unless we practice it.” – Dr. Bob
“His [the alcoholic’s] ways of thinking and doing are the habits of years.” – Big Book
“For we can neither think nor act to good purpose until the habit of self-restraint has become automatic.” – 12&12
"Personal transformation in AA comes about by the grace of God through a twin process of spiritual awakening and the practice of spiritual principles.
The awakening enables the practice (getting sober), and the practice furthers the awakening (Steps, daily maintenance).
Both issue from surrender and humility, first forced on us by defeat and humiliation, then freely embraced as the road to freedom. Continuing and repeated practice turns principle into habit and habit into trait of character. We become honest by telling the truth, grateful by giving thanks, kind by doing kind deeds. In doing we become, and in becoming we change. To change is to exchange habit for habit, ceasing to practice anger and greed and fear and practicing instead forgiveness and generosity and faith. We are what we repeatedly do."
Victim Mentality
"Victim is a state of mind... Victims believe that their feelings and their circumstances are all caused by something outside of themselves. They are ignorant to the fact that they are 100% responsible for how they feel. It should come as no surprise that victims have no interest in your life. They will blab on for hours about what so and so did to them without ever thinking that it might be appropriate to shut up and ask you about your own life, feelings, or struggles. When good things happen to you, it's like a dagger in the victim's heart. Success for you means jealousy and resentment for the victim, as they quickly dump their woes on you to divert attention away from your blessings. If you do not agree that they are victims, they will turn on you viciously. They will only reach out to you with charm or kindness when they want something from you. And you better give it to them to avoid incurring their wrath.
- They have no shame.
- They are desperate.
Victims believe that all negative feelings or events that happen to them are somebody else's fault. They see their circumstances purely as a result of events acting upon them as opposed to causing the events themselves... unless it's something good, of course. It is always what someone said or did. It may even be the whole world's fault, as each and every one of us somehow owes the victim something. Whatever the cause, it is anything but themselves. Guess what? Victims are narcissists. The victim frame of mind and worldview is a narcissistic one."
The Privileged Addict
Elements of a Narcissist & the Victim Mentality
November 19, 2015
* Have poor or no memory of events. Narcissists will rip you apart at the seams and then have little to no recollection of the event just days later. When they do have a memory of events, reality has shifted. They see themselves as the victim and you as the abusive one.
* Have no interest in your life. Narcissists have no interest in anybody's life but their own. They will dump their woes on you for hours without ever thinking it might be appropriate to shut up for a second and ask you about your life. They are jealous and envious of any blessing that may come your way, and will work to change the conversation at once.
* Engage in pathological projection. The narcissist will attribute or 'project' every negative quality they own onto you, while never taking ownership themselves. Conversely, they will attribute any good qualities, if they exist at all, as well as any personal accomplishments, to themselves and nobody else. So if it's bad, it's you. If it's good, it's them.
* Have delusions of grandeur. Narcissists believe they are divinely gifted and wonder why the world's richest and most famous don't lay down the carpet for them. They believe themselves to be in circles they are not actually in, nor have any business being in. They believe they will no doubt be seen and discovered, that others should just sort of magically see their brilliance.
* Believe everything is about them. Even if nothing has happened, the narcissist will often make something up to suit their needs. "I saw the way you looked at me the other day" is a typical sort of comment, even if you were looking at nothing and thinking of nothing. I once worked for a woman who especially met this criteria, as well as many others, so you really have to be careful.
* See others as an extension of themselves. Narcissists believe that the only person who truly matters is themselves. They believe that the only feelings and thoughts that matter are their own, that the thoughts, feelings and lives of others are not nearly as important and that nobody suffers in the same way they do, as if they are somehow unique from the rest of the human race.
* Believe themselves to be victims. Narcissists will concoct stories out of thin air when you refuse to give them exactly what they want in order to paint themselves as some victim of your imagined cruelty. They will say anything to convince others in your camp that they have been victimized by you. They will do anything to prevent others from seeing how insane and sadistic they truly are.
* Are extremely self-seeking. All the narcissist cares about is how they are seen by others, and they will destroy, mar or abuse anybody in order to protect their self-image. What's so fascinating is that the narcissist often has no idea that the way they see themselves is totally removed from reality. They have no idea how truly horrible they are as people, how vicious they are, how demented they are, how sadistic they are, how delusional they are.
* Are pathological liars. Every single thing out of a narcissist's mouth is a lie. They need to lie in order to protect their warped self-image, to get what they want, and to hurt those who disobey them. As well, everything is a big deal. Molehills are made into mountains, so if they perceive you to have slighted them in any way, watch out, as you will be targeted and incur their wrath swiftly.
* Take no responsibility for their actions. Narcissists will never be accountable for what they have done. They will abuse with ease, but are completely incapable of taking any responsibility. They are proud, deranged and shattered, and will often twist events to avoid the truth. Don't expect an apology from a narcissist because you won't get one, let alone real change. And if for some reason you do get an apology, it is only because they have some self-serving agenda.
* Have no guilt/remorse and are desperate for attention. Narcissists will hurt you deeply and never think twice about it. They have no feelings for anyone and are incapable of loving. Narcissists are sociopaths and have a pathological, whore-like need for attention. There are no ends to which a narcissist won't crawl to get attention, often concocting stories and fantasies about themselves as heroes or victims. The narcissist is the center of the universe and everybody else is to be used in some way. Everything is about them. Everything. They truly enjoy hurting others and take pride in their sadistic ability. They are extremely selfish and manipulative yet fail utterly to see it. They truly believe they have never committed a wrong, that they are normal and quite loving. Needless to say, they are totally delusional and deranged. The only thing that matters to the narcissist is the narcissist.
Bible Verses About Narcissism
2 Timothy 3:1 - 3:7
1 This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come.
2 For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy,
3 Without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good,
4 Traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God;
5 Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away.
6 For of this sort are they which creep into houses, and lead captive silly women laden with sins, led away with divers lusts,
7 Ever learning, and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth.
1 Peter 5:5-6
5 Likewise, ye younger, submit yourselves unto the elder. Yea, all [of you] be subject one to another, and be clothed with humility: for God resisteth the proud, and giveth grace to the humble.
6 Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time:
Proverbs 18:12
Before destruction the heart of man is haughty, and before honour [is] humility.
Titus 1:16
They profess that they know God; but in works they deny [him], being abominable, and disobedient, and unto every good work reprobate.
Proverbs 4:16
For they sleep not, except they have done mischief; and their sleep is taken away, unless they cause [some] to fall.
Matthew 7:16
Ye shall know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles?
Proverbs 16:18
Pride [goeth] before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall.
Ephesians 6:4
And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.
Philippians 2:1-30
1 If [there be] therefore any consolation in Christ, if any comfort of love, if any fellowship of the Spirit, if any bowels and mercies,
2 Fulfil ye my joy, that ye be likeminded, having the same love, [being] of one accord, of one mind.
3 [Let] nothing [be done] through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves.
4 Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of other
5 Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus:
6 Who, being in the form of God, thought it not robbery to be equal with God
7 But made himself of no reputation, and took upon him the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men:
8 And being found in fashion as a man, he humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross.
9 Wherefore God also hath highly exalted him, and given him a name which is above every name:
10 That at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, of [things] in heaven, and [things] in earth, and [things] under the earth;
11 And [that] every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ [is] Lord, to the glory of God the Father.
12 Wherefore, my beloved, as ye have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling.
13 For it is God which worketh in you both to will and to do of [his] good pleasure.
14 Do all things without murmurings and disputings:
15 That ye may be blameless and harmless, the sons of God, without rebuke, in the midst of a crooked and perverse nation, among whom ye shine as lights in the world;
16 Holding forth the word of life; that I may rejoice in the day of Christ, that I have not run in vain, neither laboured in vain.
17 Yea, and if I be offered upon the sacrifice and service of your faith, I joy, and rejoice with you all.
18 For the same cause also do ye joy, and rejoice with me.
19 But I trust in the Lord Jesus to send Timotheus shortly unto you, that I also may be of good comfort, when I know your state.
20 For I have no man likeminded, who will naturally care for your state.
21 For all seek their own, not the things which are Jesus Christ's.
22 But ye know the proof of him, that, as a son with the father, he hath served with me in the gospel.
23 Him therefore I hope to send presently, so soon as I shall see how it will go with me.
24 But I trust in the Lord that I also myself shall come shortly.
25 Yet I supposed it necessary to send to you Epaphroditus, my brother, and companion in labour, and fellowsoldier, but your messenger, and he that ministered to my wants.
26 For he longed after you all, and was full of heaviness, because that ye had heard that he had been sick.
27 For indeed he was sick nigh unto death: but God had mercy on him; and not on him only, but on me also, lest I should have sorrow upon sorrow.
28 I sent him therefore the more carefully, that, when ye see him again, ye may rejoice, and that I may be the less sorrowful.
29 Receive him therefore in the Lord with all gladness; and hold such in reputation:
30 Because for the work of Christ he was nigh unto death, not regarding his life, to supply your lack of service toward me.
Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me. -John 14:6